


Phoenix Rising

by Cobrilee



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, F/M, Future Fic, Reunion Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-03-25 00:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 70,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3789349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cobrilee/pseuds/Cobrilee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One year after Clarke has left her people, she returns to reunite with the person she missed most. Unfortunately, life didn't stop for Bellamy when she left. Clarke must deal with new faces, new complications, and new feelings, while Bellamy has to decide how she fits into his life. Alternating POV. Set post 2.16, Blood Must Have Blood: Part 2. Rated T for language/adult themes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Time Is Standing Still

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi-part Bellarke fic, and whoo boy, you guys, it's going to be a beast. I've already written eight chapters and I've barely gotten started. I hope you love it as much as I do!

Bellamy couldn't help but glance at his watch for the tenth time in an hour. Normally he actually liked guard duty since it got him away from all the people, the noise, the careless laughter and merriment. It felt wrong to be so relaxed and easy-going after knowing nothing but fighting and death and loss for so damn long. He didn't feel comfortable anymore, not that he ever really had, but at least before, he had a purpose. Now he didn't need to do much besides enjoy himself and make friends. He'd never really been good with the making friends part. Except…

But he couldn't go there. It never did any good. A solid year had passed and nothing had ever changed, so there would be no point in letting himself think about it at all.

He shifted on his feet and contemplated sinking into the ground and leaning back into the fence, maybe closing his eyes for a few moments since heaven knew sleeping at night just didn't happen. Guard duty was, for all intents and purposes, a fucking joke. Their part of New Earth was so different than what they'd known when they first hit the ground. There were no wars anymore, no foes to guard against. Well, the Holograms (as he'd taken to calling the other clan) had theirs, but those enemies had been held at bay. Guard duty was just to wave away the occasional stray who'd ventured too far from home, or to take in the weak and wounded, patch them up, and then send them on their way again.

That day, however, he was restless. His senses felt sharper and there was that little buzz in the back of his brain that told him it was going to be different. Moments passed and when nothing happened, he scoffed at himself for being foolish and anxious and started to relax back into the fence.

And just like that, a head appeared over the hill.

Bellamy straightened instantly, his spine going stiff and his eyes narrowing warily. The figure on the horizon was getting closer by the second, and he relaxed imperceptibly when he saw how slight the person was. He wasn't a warrior, judging by his clothing. Bellamy waited cautiously, wondering if the newcomer posed a threat; his hand stole to the stock of his rifle just in case.

The figure took off the cap perched on its head, and as the long, silky blond hair tumbled from its restraint and flowed down her back, his heart stuttered and stopped for a brief second before restarting, pounding him to death from the inside out. _It's her_ , his brain screamed. _She's back._

He took one faltering step forward, then dropped his rifle and burst into a run. He didn't care that he was already telling her more than she should know. It didn't matter. _She's back._

Her face registered recognition a few short seconds before she was in his arms, and he clutched her to him the way he thought he'd never get to do. She clutched him, too, and he reveled in the fact that she didn't push him away or stand stiffly in his arms. She'd missed him as much as he'd missed her, and that was all that mattered right in that moment.

He pulled back, eyes scanning her face in disbelief and that slight fear borne of wondering if he was imagining things, but it was still her. She smiled up at him and her arms remained tight around him, as his did around her.

"I take it you're happy to see me?" she teased, and it was both familiar and disconcerting. He couldn't remember the last time he saw a smile on her face, at least not a genuine one.

"Clarke." His voice was hoarse, as if he hadn't spoken in months. He realized belatedly that it had been a year, as a matter of fact. A year since he'd used _that_ voice, the one he unconsciously reserved for her alone. "I thought you were dead. When you didn't come back, I thought…"

"You thought I finally came up against something I couldn't defeat?" she finished, and he nodded reluctantly. "You should know better, Bellamy. I survive. It's what I do."

He stepped back, his arms dropping from her waist as his hand found hers, grasping it tightly as if he never planned to let her go. Her hand squeezed his just as tightly; something had changed and they both knew it. She wasn't hiding how she felt from him anymore, which meant he didn't have to hide from her, either.

And then he remembered. And his hand loosened, and hers fell.

She looked at him funny but he resolutely ignored it. Instead, he lifted his chin to gesture at his post at the gate in the fence, indicating that he needed to get back to it. She followed him, both of them falling silent for the moment. There was too much to say, and in some ways there was nothing to say at all.

He resumed his position, picking up the rifle but holding it casually, the barrel pointed down with the muzzle digging into the dirt at their feet. He took a breath, knowing he had to tell her everything. Or most everything, anyway. Some stuff could wait.

"Things have changed a lot since you left," he said quietly, and she nodded. "Some of our people have left and new people have joined us. We merged with a clan that Jaha sort of championed. We helped them defeat their enemies and it's been really quiet ever since. This part of New Earth is so different than the one we knew."

She leaned against the fence next to him, looking up at the sky. "So is Jaha back to being the boss around here?"

Bellamy shrugged. "Mostly. Gem, the Holograms' leader, defers to him for the most part, but she's still kind of an authority figure for them. Of course, they all pretty much think he's a hero and a saint, so they'd follow him over a cliff if he asked them to." He smirked, showing his disdain for their blind loyalty.

Clarke raised an eyebrow. "The Holograms? What the hell kind of clan name is that?"

He flashed her one of his rare grins. "That's not really their name. They call themselves the Wind People because it's really windy here in the summer months, but I call them the Holograms because it's not so fucking boring."

She laughed a little, but then her curiosity got the best of her. "Why the Holograms? That seems kind of random."

He sank back into the fence alongside her, pretending to ignore his shoulder brushing against hers. "The Wind People were hiding from their enemies when Jaha first got here. They knew he was coming, though, so they waited, and when he showed up they projected themselves as holograms into the mansion. For the first few weeks that was the only way Jaha even saw any of them. It wasn't until later he found out they were real people. I used to call them the hologram people when he first brought us here, and it stuck."

Clarke glanced around, noting the open fields around them, the forests in the distance. "How did you get here, anyway?"

"We walked. We came by boat. We lost people to dehydration and landmines and a river monster, but eventually we made it." He looked over at her thoughtfully. "Speaking of which, how did you get here?"

She looked away, but not before he could see the discomfort in her eyes. Part of him wanted to tell her she didn't have to say anything; he didn't really need to know. The other part of him insisted that yes, he _did_ need to know. She walked out on their people, on _him_ , and he kind of deserved an explanation as to what kept her away for so long and why, after all this time, she'd finally come back.

After a few moments she looked back at him, and he could see the pain all over her face. "I hated what I'd become, Bellamy. I hated what I'd had to do to protect our people, and I couldn't face myself, let alone anyone else. So I found someplace where I could be someone else. I wasn't a leader, I wasn't a fighter. I wasn't even Clarke Griffin. I wouldn't give them my name, so they named me Iona." The corner of her mouth lifted in a brief smile. "In their language Iona means 'island' and they thought it suited me, because I arrived all alone and kept to myself for so long."

He considered her words. "It only suited you because they didn't know you. You're not an island and you'll never really be alone. Not as long as I'm alive."

She lifted her eyes to meet his and the moment was charged, the atmosphere around them feeling electric. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and he dropped his gaze, which she took as a sign to continue her story. "I eventually told them a little bit about what had happened. Not everything. I still had this instinctive need to protect my people, so I wouldn't give them names or details. Just that I'd had to do things for the greater good, things that changed me, and I didn't want to be that person anymore.

They let me stay with them until a few weeks ago, when they told me it was time to find my people and figure out how to be the person I wanted to be, and not the person I'd become. They told me it was time to stop hiding from who I was and to face what I'd done, and to do that I needed to rejoin the people who'd been part of that journey."

She fell silent, and Bellamy, against his better judgment, reached out to take her hand again. She slipped her fingers between his and neither said a word, just enjoying the comfort that being with the other brought. For Bellamy, it was a moment he knew would end much sooner than he was ready for. "Before we go back in, there's something else, Clarke," he started, hating that he had to tell her. "It's about Abby."

She flinched, but her eyes were dry when she lifted her body from the fence and turned to face him. "She didn't make it, did she?" she said, but it wasn't a question.

He hesitated. "She did," he began, and there was a quiet sigh of relief that made him feel worse. "She survived the journey here. A few months ago a member of a reconnaissance team got trapped in a ravine about five miles away. He was injured trying to climb out, so a rescue team was sent. I was one of them. Abby was another." Clarke nodded, and Bellamy could see she was just waiting for the bomb to drop. He pushed forward resolutely. "She went down into the ravine to help him. She set his arm so he could try to make it out on his own."

"Who was it?" Clarke interrupted. "Who did she save?"

"Marcus Kane."

She inhaled sharply. "I should have known. She would absolutely risk her life for Kane."

He shook his head. "She would have done it for anyone, you know that. Kane tried to convince her to go first, but she insisted that he needed the help more than she did. We got him up safely, then it was her turn." He paused again, dreading telling Clarke the next part. "She was almost to the top. I had my hand out, ready to grab her and pull her up, and… she slipped. Her foot dislodged some rocks and it started a rockslide."

Tears slid down Clarke's face as the brutal truth of what he hadn't said yet sunk in. "Did she die immediately, or did she suffer?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"It was instant." He felt her start to pull her hand away and he gripped it tighter, refusing to let her withdraw from him. "She landed on her back, hitting her head on a sharp rock. We could tell she was gone by the time the dust settled."

The tears continued to slip over her bottom lashes as she stared at him hollowly, and Bellamy couldn't stand it anymore. He pulled her back into his arms and stroked his hand over her hair, feeling the shoulder of his uniform soak through as she pressed her face to it. She shook silently, never having been prone to vocal breakdowns. His fingers tangled in the blonde strands, cupping the back of her head and cradling her against his chest as she mourned the loss of her mother for the second time.

Eventually the tears subsided and she pulled back, wiping her eyes and nose on her sleeve and taking a deep, shuddery breath. "At least the worst is over, right?" she asked shakily.

He kept his mouth shut, knowing there was still one more thing he had to tell her. But not yet. She'd had enough of an unwelcome homecoming and he wasn't going to add to it until there was no other choice.

He glanced down at his watch and realized his replacement would be there any moment. "Let me show you around, as soon as Carver gets here."

"Carver?"

"One of the people we picked up along the way." He caught sight of the man and nodded in acknowledgement, then ushered Clarke away. He didn't want to answer questions about her just yet.

Bellamy opened the gate for Clarke and she stepped inside, gaping at the splendor that met her eyes. He imagined she'd been able to see the top of the imposing mansion as she came over the hill, but she clearly didn't expect such luxury, nor did she expect a little village of actual houses, small and rustic though they were. "You seriously got lucky, didn't you?" was all she managed to say.

He smirked. "We worked hard for this. The mansion was all that was here when we first got here. We built everything else after the battle." He glanced around, seeing things through her eyes. "It's nicer than anything I ever imagined we'd have, that's for sure."

He watched as her brow furrowed, and recognized the moment she took note of the fact that everything was still and quiet. "Where is everyone?"

"They're all in the mansion. It's cooler during the mid-day hours than being outside or in the smaller houses. There are pools and air conditioning and televisions. Everyone would rather be in there anyway. The houses are mostly for privacy and sleeping."

"And yet you're out here all alone, when the sun is the hottest."

He shrugged again. "I'm the captain of the guard. It's my responsibility to take the crap shifts."

She raised one eyebrow, impressed, but he could see she knew there was more to it. "You'd rather be out here in the sun, alone, than in there with all of them, huh?"

He wasn't surprised she'd accurately assessed the situation in less than two minutes. "I can't hear myself think in there. It feels like it's all play, all the time. There are some people who do other jobs, but it's only a few hours a week. Except for those of us in the guard."

"Which is why you signed up for it." She shook her head. "You never take the easy way, Bellamy. It's one of the things I missed most about you while I was gone."

He wanted to smile, wanted to tease her and find out exactly what else she missed, but he couldn't bring himself to go there. "I'll take you up to the mansion when you're ready. There'll be a room there for you to stay in until we can get a house built for you, unless someone else wants you to stay with them."

Clarke flinched; the idea of being a charity case or a burden clearly made her uncomfortable. "I can use a tent, or I can build my own damn house. I don't need anyone to take care of me."

He nodded, having suspected that would be her response. "Are you ready to go inside?"

She stopped, shaking her head slightly. "I'd rather wait out here for a little while."

Before he could stop the words from leaving his mouth, Bellamy found himself saying, "You can rest in my house. They'll all be in there for a few more hours." He took her to one of the larger houses, placed strategically to the right of the mansion. He'd been fine staying in a tent, couldn't fathom the idea of having that large of a space all to himself, but as the captain of the guard he was expected to have the nicest home.

He opened his door and watched her face as she stepped inside, looking around in shock. It wasn't as fancy as the mansion, but it was reasonably large and nicely furnished. It didn't look anything like a place he would actually live in. He wasn't surprised that Clarke was having a hard time reconciling it with him.

He moved quickly through the house, leading Clarke to his bedroom before he could change his mind. The house was big enough to have a spare room, but there was never a need to furnish it. He wasn't unaware of the intimacy of he and Clarke being alone in his room, and he mentally cursed himself for his inability to keep her at arms' length when he knew he needed to. "This is my room," he said, his voice going a little gravelly. "Rest in here for awhile. I'll be in the living room if you need me."

Bravely, she turned to face him before he could escape through the doorway. "What if I said I already know I need you?"

It shocked him a little. Clarke had always been better with actions rather than words, and she was never willing to admit that she had feelings for him. He chose his words carefully to avoid stumbling over them. "Right now I'd feel better if you rested. We can discuss everything else later," he lied, but his face must have been convincing because she nodded and sat on the bed.

She looked around, taking in the simplicity of the room, and a small, soft smile curved her lips when her eyes met his. "I missed you, Bellamy. I wish I'd gotten here sooner." Heat curled through his gut as she lay down, her face pressing into his pillow, and he knew he wouldn't be sleeping that night because the scent of her on his sheets would be tormenting him.


	2. Find the Words to Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many, many thanks to my awesome friend/beta, Vanessa, for listening to me go on endlessly about this particular story. LOL

When Clarke woke it was slow and leisurely. She yawned, stretching, and her knuckles brushed against the wall to her right. It hit her quickly where she was at and she groaned a little, inhaling Bellamy's scent from the pillow.

She wasn't unhappy that she'd found her people, but her world had been turned upside down twice in the matter of an hour. She'd known she really missed Bellamy but she hadn't understood exactly how much until she saw him, until he held her, and she'd been shaken by the intensity of the realization. Finding out about her mother's death, for sure this time, had twisted her inside out again until she didn't know how to feel.

Clarke lifted herself out of the bed, reluctant to leave the warmth and the sensation of being wrapped up in him but eager to see him for real. She made her way to the living room and saw that he was sprawled on his couch, his eyes closed; she didn't want to wake him up but her presence was enough to rouse him. His eyes opened with a snap but he relaxed visibly when he saw it was her. A warm smile spread across his face and it caused butterfly feelings in her stomach. She willfully pushed them away and gave him a bright smile.

"Looks like you needed a nap too," she said breezily, sitting down beside him on the couch, her back pressed into the arm so that she could see him more easily.

"I don't sleep very well these days," he said nonchalantly, and she couldn't help but be pleased that he was able to sleep with her there. "And I have a feeling I won't sleep well tonight, either." A look briefly crossed his face that she couldn't quite read, but before she could comment it was gone and he stood, heading for the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"

She replied with an offhand, "I could go for some pheasant and brie." There was a teasing sparkle in her eyes when Bellamy turned around and gave her a Look, accompanied by a sardonic twist to his lips.

"How about some fruit and two-headed deer jerky?" he asked dryly, and she wrinkled her nose.

"Fruit, yes. Jerky, no." He disappeared for a moment into the kitchen and then reappeared with food in both hands. She took the apple he tossed at her, biting into it with a satisfying crunch and settling back into the couch. "So tell me more about what happened while I was gone. Who else left?"

He resumed his place beside her and propped his feet up on the coffee table, tossing his own apple from one hand to the other. She watched him closely, unable to take her eyes off him after not being able to see him for so long. She'd needed her sojourn with the Water Walkers and she didn't regret going, but the one thing that had become abundantly clear while she was gone was that she missed him terribly. She hadn't been able to deny how much she cared about him, and the clan leaders used that to push her from the safety of their people and back to her own.

"I guess the most significant person is Jasper," he said finally. "He was so angry with me after what happened to Maya, but he was even angrier with Monty. He left barely a week after you did. Murphy comes and goes. I don't know if he considers himself one of us or if he just latches on like a leech when he needs the safety of numbers." He sneered, his dislike obvious. "We lost a lot of people crossing the country. Some of the kids from the initial hundred. People who came down in the Ark. Grounders who joined us after Lexa's betrayal."

Clarke scowled at the reminder. "What about Lincoln and Octavia? Did they decide to remain with the Grounders?"

Bellamy grimaced. "No, they're both here. They have a house together."

Clarke couldn't help it. It was a serious conversation, but the look on his face at the idea of his sister and a Grounder living together was just too hilarious. She snickered a little, and at Bellamy's mock-outraged expression, it turned into full laughter. "She's an adult, Bellamy, and Lincoln's a good man. He'll never let anything happen to her as long as he's alive. She could have done a lot worse."

He grumbled under his breath, and she just barely made out the sound of him saying, "Maybe, but I don't have to like it."

"I have a feeling you wouldn't like anyone who has anything to do with Octavia," she retorted good-naturedly. "I know you're the big brother, but she deserves to be happy. I'm sure she'd never stand in the way of _your_ happiness."

"She used to nag at me constantly to find someone and settle down, now that we don't spend every minute of our lives fighting for them," he admitted, and Clarke zeroed in on the qualifier.

"Used to?"

Bellamy shifted and she could detect his discomfort. She thought for a minute he would explain, but instead he turned the tables on her. "So what happened to you?" he asked pointedly.

"What do you mean? I told you what happened to me," she said, baffled.

"You're different," he said, his tone soft. Clarke wasn't sure if he was trying to keep from pissing her off or if he was just trying to be sensitive. "The last time I saw you, you were kind of… shut down. I can't remember the last time you smiled, let alone laughed. You don't seem to have a problem with either of them anymore."

She nodded. "The Water Walkers were a very spiritual tribe. Most of the time I was with them was spent trying to figure out who I am. They helped me understand that I took on the role of leader because I never want to let anyone down who needs me. At first it was about the people on the Ark needing us to make the ground safe for them. Then it was about the hundred needing me to help them survive. Then it was about you needing me to be your partner and your support. I fell into that role because of what everyone else needed, not because it was what _I_ wanted."

She fell silent for a moment and to his credit, Bellamy didn't push. He simply watched her. His expressive eyes, the ones that had haunted her long after she walked away, were patient and inviting. She wrapped her arms around her knees, which were drawn protectively into her chest, and her heart jumped when Bellamy laid a hand over hers.

"The Walkers helped me remember that I used to be a girl who loved to laugh, who teased and joked with her friends and had a smile for everyone. I forgot about her because being in that cell on the Ark, and then being cast off to an Earth I didn't know if I would survive, created this exterior shell I used to protect myself. They taught me how to be that girl again, at least a little bit." Clarke inhaled a quick breath after her explanation. It still felt strange being so open with others, although if there was anyone she could and should be open with it was Bellamy.

His eyes had softened and he squeezed her hand gently. She held her breath, wondering if he knew exactly how different she was-if he realized she'd recognized her feelings for him and was ready to embrace them. She leaned forward slightly, trying to encourage him, but he drew back noticeably. She sat upright fast enough to give her whiplash, and those damn brown eyes flashed with pain and regret.

"Are you ready to go up to the mansion?" he asked quietly.

Clarke put on a fake smile that she was sure he could see right through. "I guess it's going to happen sooner or later, might as well get it over with," she replied, mustering up some bravery. Bellamy stood up and held out a hand to help her up, but she studiously ignored it and untangled herself. "Lead the way."

They were quiet on the short walk to the mansion. Clarke was grateful Bellamy's house wasn't a mile away so they didn't have to endure the uncomfortable silence for more than a couple minutes. He opened the front door of the mansion and the wall of sound that poured out nearly knocked her back. She glanced over at him, eyes wide, and he gave her some semblance of a smile.

The first person she saw was Raven, towing Wick behind her and laughing back at him with a naughty grin on her face. Wick saw her first, his mouth falling open in shock. Raven whipped around, ready to attack. When she saw Clarke she let out a loud squeal and bounded over, wrapping her arms around the blonde in a fierce hug. "Oh my God, Clarke! You're back!" she screeched.

Clarke almost fell over from the exuberant embrace. "Hi, Raven," she said dryly. She glanced down at her legs and gasped. "Your brace is gone!"

Raven beamed. "The Wind People have great tech here. Between that, my smarts, and Kyle's smartass sass keeping me on my toes, I was able to figure out a way to get the bullet out of my spine without damaging the nerves. Oh, and…" She trailed off, glancing over at Bellamy questioningly. He nodded. "Your mom's med knowledge helped a lot."

Clarke fought to keep the smile on her face. "I'm so glad," she said sincerely. "Nothing can hold you back."

Raven grinned and said, "Yeah, you know me. Never met a problem I couldn't fix. This one just took a little longer." She glanced back at Wick and winked. "Luckily that one didn't take as long."

"I wasn't the problem, I was the solution," he retorted, and Raven rolled her eyes.

"You'd think with as often as I beat his ego down he'd know better than to challenge me, but he just never learns," she said cheerfully. "It's great to see you, Clarke, but we were on our way home. We'll see you later?"

Clarke nodded and watched as the couple teased each other all the way back to a simple house, smaller than Bellamy's. "They live together?" she asked incredulously.

Bellamy gave her a half-smile. "They each had their own house at one point. He spent so much time at hers that Gem suggested to Jaha that they just move in together, so the house could be given to someone else. He didn't have to do anything more than ask."

They made their way further into the mansion and Clarke saw people everywhere. There were rooms with TVs, rooms with gaming tables, one room filled floor to ceiling with books on all sides. She was overwhelmed at the vastness, the noise, the luxury. She had never known any of this was even possible. Of course, there wasn't supposed to have been life on New Earth anyway, which meant that the whole premise of people needing to go up on the space stations to survive was flawed, at best.

She was feeling overwhelmed and she kept her head ducked down so people didn't notice her right away. She wanted to get acclimated before she was accosted by her people. Unfortunately Monty saw her as they walked past a room filled with electronics, and his joyful greeting caused a lot of heads to pop up.

"Clarke! You're back!"

She smirked. "I have a feeling those are going to be the three most common words said today."

Bellamy muffled a laugh as Monty came out and threw his arms around Clarke. She patted him on the back while he squeezed her tightly. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again!"

"You almost didn't," she muttered, and Bellamy looked at her sharply. She avoided his gaze and stepped back from Monty, giving him a fond smile. "It's good to see you again."

He gave her a big grin. "You are going to love it here. There's so much to do and you never have to worry about dying or fighting. Or if you're going to have food the next day."

"I haven't had to worry about that in a long time," she said softly. "But I'm glad you don't, either."

She started to turn away and found a number of people standing around, waiting to greet her. Harper, Miller and his dad, Jackson, some of the kids from the initial transport, people who came down on the Ark. Kane, who looked suspiciously teary. Jaha, standing behind them all, his face devoid of expression and his arms crossed over his chest. She surmised that was not going to be as joyful a reunion. She glanced at Bellamy over the crowd of people surrounding her and saw that he was looking grimly at Jaha himself. Something told her that he shared her concern.

It took awhile to work her way through the people who were excited to see her again, pleased to know she was still alive. She kept watch on Jaha out of the corner of her eye, and after the crowd dispersed, Kane and Bellamy were the only two who stood between them.

Kane pulled Clarke to him for a big hug, holding on to her longer than was necessary. "I'm so glad you're home, Clarke," he said quietly, clasping her hands. "Abby feared you'd been killed."

She stood stiffly, willing back the emotion that mentions of her mother elicited. "It's hard to keep me down," she replied lightly.

Kane smiled, his lips stretching wide and showing white, even teeth. "Just like your mother." He flicked a glance at Bellamy before returning his attention to Clarke. "I presume Bellamy's explained our living arrangements around here?" She nodded. "There'll be time to discuss things later, but I'd like you consider staying with me until your own home is built. It's the least I can do."

Clarke opened her mouth to protest but Kane waved it away before it could be voiced. "At least think about it," he said firmly. "You wouldn't be a bother or an imposition. I would consider it an honor." Jaha cleared his throat behind them and Kane stepped aside. "I'll leave you to our illustrious leader. Jaha," he said, nodding to the older man as he left.

"Kane." Jaha's gaze never wavered from Clarke, his smile plastic and not reaching his eyes. "It's good to see you again, Clarke."

"Thanks," she replied cautiously. Bellamy laid a hand on her shoulder and she felt herself relaxing under his touch. "It's good to be back among my people."

Jaha's eyes turned to ice. "I believe you and I should have a talk before you integrate yourself into our routines here. Won't you follow me to my office?"

Bellamy stepped forward. "I'm going with her."

Jaha cast him a hard glare. "Stand down, Blake. Don't worry, I'll return her to you in one piece."

He led Clarke down the hall to his office. She turned back to look at Bellamy, who wore a frown of concern that left a crease between his eyebrows. She tried to smile at him to let him know she'd be fine, but he disappeared from view when Jaha shut the door between them.

She took a seat in front of his desk as he sat behind it. He steepled his fingers together and watched her over the tips. "Things have changed quite a bit since you left, Clarke."

"I gathered that."

He smiled briefly, but it was without humor. "I understand that when you left you were the leader these people needed. You no longer hold that place. I have resumed my position as Chancellor of my people, the Sky People and the Wind People, and the individuals who joined us on our journey to merge our clans. I trust you'll recognize that and won't interfere."

Clarke laughed. "Trust me. These days the last thing I want to be is anyone's leader."

Jaha smiled again, for the first time with ease. "I think we have an understanding then, Clarke. Just recall this conversation any time you feel you'd like to change your mind, and remember that even though we're no longer on the Ark there are still consequences for those who disobey my rules."

Clarke stared at him incredulously. "For God's sake, Thelonious. I've been here an hour. Let's wait until I do something worth threatening me for before you actually threaten me, okay?" The use of his first name didn't go unnoticed by either of them. He cast her a flinty stare as she rose from her seat, but didn't say anything when she left the office.

Bellamy was waiting for her outside the door. "I forgot to warn you that Jaha has something of a God complex these days," he muttered.

"I kind of picked up on that," she said, shaking her head in disbelief. She followed Bellamy back down the hallway. By unspoken agreement they were heading for his house; Clarke had had enough with re-introduction to society for one day.

They were almost to the front door when it swung open and a tall, lithe woman with short black hair stepped in. She smiled brightly when she caught sight of them. "Bells!" she squealed, throwing her arms around his neck. "I was hoping you'd be here instead of your house!"

While Clarke was mentally making a face at the asinine nickname, Bellamy's arms went around the brunette beauty seemingly instinctively and his eyes darted to Clarke. His face had gone deathly pale. "Nyx. I didn't expect you to be back for a few more days."

She planted a kiss on his cheek before pulling back slightly. "We found the new water source. It's closer than we expected." She caught sight of Clarke standing just behind them. "Who's this?"

Bellamy let go of her and turned to face Clarke, his gaze helplessly apologetic. "Nyx, this is Clarke. She was our leader when we first arrived here. She's the one who engineered the truce with the Grounders and defeated the Mountain Men." He swallowed. "Clarke, this is Onyx. My girlfriend."

Clarke stared at the woman in dismay. She couldn't even be bothered to attempt a smile while she mumbled, "Nice to meet you," the words sounding foreign and hollow on her lips. She pushed past the two of them, anxious to get outside and away from her, from him. Only one thought stood out clearly in her mind. _I'm too late._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't shoot me. LOL It's always more fun to see the couple work through obstacles to eventually get together than it is to get the happily-ever-after up front, right?


	3. You'd Never Know

Bellamy, for once in his life, was stunned into inaction. He knew he’d fucked up big time by not telling Clarke about Onyx, but he’d wanted to avoid throwing too many things at her all at once. He’d thought he would have time to explain. He’d thought wrong. He stared at the closed door, too stupefied to move. He’d been so completely unprepared for this that his brain was having difficulty sorting out what had just happened and what to do next.

Onyx put a hand on his arm and when he turned to her, her eyes were curious. “So that’s the infamous Clarke, huh? She’s not as intimidating as I thought she’d be. She looked kind of wounded, actually.”

He stared at her, the words setting something off in him. The only time Clarke had ever looked wounded was after she had to kill Finn. She had never been broken, not even when she’d been beaten and betrayed. He couldn’t bear that she looked that way because of him, and he _had_ to fix it. He was halfway down the mansion’s front steps, determined to go after her and apologize for not being honest, when Onyx’s voice stopped him. 

“Bells? Where are you going?”

He watched Clarke as she walked resolutely to Raven and Wick’s house. He felt a pull toward her but realized his first responsibility was to Onyx. With a frustrated groan, he turned back to his girlfriend and ran a hand over his shortened hair while he sorted out his thoughts.

He had to get it together. Clarke appearing out of the blue had thrown him for a loop, but standing here was the woman who had reminded him how to smile. Clarke had her Water Walkers, Bellamy had Onyx. She made him happy and she deserved better than being a distant memory the moment Clarke showed back up in his life.

So Bellamy half-smiled at her and said, “Clarke is just a little overwhelmed with everything that’s changed while she was gone. She’s usually…” He trailed off, realizing it wasn’t really accurate to say she was usually much nicer. She kind of wasn’t. “She’s usually not so rude, although she _is_ pretty assertive and doesn’t have much of a sense of humor. She’s definitely not the most charming person you’ll ever meet.” And yet she’d somehow charmed him. She’d gotten under his skin to the point that even after spending months apart, having a brief reunion, and then being apart again for a year, she was still able to walk in and erase the thought of anyone else from his mind.

It troubled him. He cared about Onyx, and he wasn’t going to treat her like she was disposable just because Clarke snapped her fingers. Not that she’d _actually_ snapped her fingers, but the point was the same. He had to put Clarke out of his mind and remind himself that she left. She walked away from him and took the chance that they could be happy together with her. Onyx was there for him when Clarke wasn’t. 

Having made his decision, Bellamy slid his arms around Onyx and dipped his head, pressing his lips to hers. “I take it your expedition was pretty uneventful?” he asked, changing the subject.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, but harder. “It’s fantastic, Bells! There’s this underground reservoir that’s freaking _huge_ , and it’s so close. It won’t be hard to tap into it at all and it will keep us going for a long time. We didn’t run into any problems there or on the way back. Gem and Jaha are going to be absolutely thrilled!” She pressed her body flush against his and smiled coyly. “I’m just grateful it didn’t keep me away from you too long. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” he echoed, but the words felt and sounded mechanical. He could tell that she’d picked up on it because her head tilted questioningly, and there was an uncertainty in her eyes that he hated himself for putting there.

At that moment Gem walked up. She was a slightly older image of Onyx, only her hair was wavy and hit her mid-back. She was always pleasant and Bellamy didn’t have anything against her, but he’d never really warmed up to her. For the moment, however, he was grateful to her for interrupting and sparing him having to explain away yet again the behavior that his preoccupation with Clarke was causing.

“Hello, Bellamy,” Gem greeted him, and he nodded in acknowledgement. She turned to Onyx with a soft smile. “Nyxie. I’m glad you’re home so soon. Why don’t you join Thelonious and myself so we can discuss the aquifer you and the others discovered?” She glanced over at Bellamy. “I know you’ve just returned and would like to be with Bellamy, but it’s critical that we begin the collection process as soon as is feasible. I’m sure he can spare you for another hour or two.”

He nodded, relieved that he would have the opportunity to get his head straight before discussing anything else having to do with Clarke. “It’s okay, Nyx. I’ll see you later. Just come by the house when you’re done here.” 

She sighed and nodded. “Fine. While you’re waiting, why don’t you go find Clarke?” she suggested. “She looked really upset. If she’s anything like any girl I’ve ever known, she could probably use a friend right now.”

Bellamy felt a mixture of affection and guilt. The fact was, Clarke _wasn’t_ like anyone he’d ever known, girl or otherwise. “I don’t know if she’ll agree, but it’s worth a try. Thanks for understanding, Nyx. If I’m not home when you get there, just wait for me, okay?” He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead and escaped through the front door.

He headed for Raven and Wick’s place, hoping Clarke wouldn’t tell him to go away. He knocked on the door, holding his breath when Wick answered. “Hey, Bellamy! Come on in, the girls are in the living room. Probably talking shit about me, if I know my girlfriend.” His smile was easy and carefree, secure in the knowledge that Raven loved him despite her constant mocking.

Bellamy peered inside, looking for Clarke and not finding her. “I just wanted to talk to Clarke. Can you ask her to come outside?”

Wick grinned knowingly. “She met Onyx, didn’t she?”

Bellamy winced. “Before I even mentioned her,” he affirmed.

Wick sighed and shook his head. “Good luck with that,” he said sympathetically, clapping Bellamy on the back. Turning his head, he yelled into the living room. “Hey, Clarke! You got a visitor!”

Bellamy waited anxiously until Clarke appeared, her face puzzled. When she caught sight of him he could see the wall come up immediately; her eyes were shuttered and her smile froze in place. He shifted uncomfortably, glancing over and catching Wick’s eye. He shook his head slightly and Wick nodded in understanding, heading back inside to Raven and rubbing Clarke’s upper arm briefly as he passed her.

“Can we talk outside?”

Clarke smirked. “There doesn’t seem to be any point in talking. You don’t tell me anything anyway.”

He expelled a frustrated breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Clarke. It was shitty to let you find out that way. Now can we _please_ go outside?” She sighed and brushed past him. He shut the door quickly and fell into step with her, bracing himself for her anger. “I should have told you.”

Clarke stopped abruptly. “You don’t owe me any explanations, Bellamy. _She’s_ your girlfriend. I was just surprised.”

He ignored her. “I didn’t tell you because you already had so much to deal with. The crazy changes, your mom. I didn’t want to add more until you’d had some time to get used to everything. She wasn’t supposed to be back for a few more days.”

She opened her mouth as if to say something, then snapped it shut with a shake of her head. “Like I said. You don’t owe me any explanations.”

He practically growled. “Damn it, Clarke. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

She scoffed at him. “You think I’m hurt? What do I have to be hurt over? We were never a thing.”

“But we could have been, if you hadn’t left.” The blunt words leaving his mouth surprised him. Apparently her newfound plainspokenness had rubbed off on him a little.

Clarke raised an eyebrow, which he recognized as a defense mechanism before she even opened her mouth. “And you blame me for leaving, is that it? You think if I hadn’t left, we could have figured this out.”

“Maybe we could have, but I don’t blame you for leaving. There were times I wanted to as well. I understood why you needed the time on your own. ” He smoothed his hand over the top of his head and down his neck, gripping the back of it with strong, tanned fingers while he struggled to find the words he needed. Her eyes followed his movements.

“It looks good, by the way. Your hair. I like it short.” She offered him a small smile and he acknowledged it for the peace offering it was. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a side-hug, which she accepted and returned with only a brief hesitation. She ducked her head against his chest for a moment before looking back up at him. “I always planned on coming back, but I was afraid to. I didn’t want to come back to a world that didn’t need me. Then I got here and realized I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is a world where _you_ don’t need me.”

Bellamy stopped and turned to face her, gripping her shoulders tightly with both hands. “Listen to me, Clarke. I will _always_ need you. I have pretty much from the moment that transport landed and I’ve never stopped.”

She gave him a wistful smile. “I wish I’d come back sooner. Before.”

He knew what she was saying and it hit him with the force of a bullet. _I wish you had, too._ He didn’t admit that out loud, though. Instead, he looked her dead in the eyes and said, “I would have gone with you if you’d asked me to. I wish you had. But we don’t always get what we wish for, and sometimes that means we have to find happiness somewhere else. I had to learn to be happy with what I did have, not spend my life wishing for something I didn’t.”

Her eyes filled with tears but in true Clarke fashion, she willed them away before they fell. She rose up and pressed a kiss to his cheek, reminiscent of their goodbye, and walked away from him. Again.

lllll

An hour later Bellamy was sitting on his couch, going through the methodical process of deconstructing his rifle, cleaning it, and putting it back together. He’d done it twice already and was starting the third time through. He’d hoped the activity would keep him from dwelling on his conversation with Clarke and the way they’d left things, but it was so routine by now that he could do it in his sleep. It left him plenty of time to think about her, as well as Onyx and their relationship.

He’d missed Clarke like crazy. When everything was going down in Mount Weather, he’d felt connected to her in a way he had never been to anyone else. Octavia was one thing; she was his sister and he was her protector and he loved her no matter what. But Clarke was his partner. He’d needed her since before he even knew he did. He’d fought her until he recognized how much better things ran with her influence, and how much better _he_ was. Once he’d accepted her, they were a natural fit. They complemented each other.

Their actions that day had killed an entire population. It had caused Clarke to flee and him to bury his emotions deep inside. Despite that, there had been an intimacy in pulling that lever together. It had forever linked them. When the dust had settled and they were on their way home, his step had been a little lighter because he was looking forward to the future. He’d felt a tug of something indescribable that he was eager to explore. When she’d said goodbye it had almost been like she took a part of him with her, as well as the possibility of achieving that indefinable potential.

And though it had taken a long time to get past that, he had. Or he’d thought he had, anyway. Onyx was a significant part of his being able to put Clarke in the past, where it seemed she’d chosen to remain. Onyx, who had teased and toyed with him, who’d made it clear he more than met her standards for a partner but that he also would never be so important to her that she lost herself in him. She’d very matter-of-factly told him she got what she wanted, and she wanted him. He’d respected her honesty and her boldness and he didn’t resist being drawn in.

They’d been happy for the last couple months. She cared about him and she supported him, but she refused to put him above her, which he respected. She brought out the good parts of him. He’d smiled more in the last few months than he had in a very long time. He didn’t know if he could remember the last time he’d smiled so much. He wasn’t sure where their relationship was going, but he was content to ride it out and see if it would become serious or fizzle out.

A firm knock on the door preceded its opening and pulled Bellamy out of his musing. Onyx’s face popped into view, complete with a bright, cheery smile. “Hey Bells. Sorry it took me so long, I thought Gem and Jaha were going to talk for _ev_ er.” She crossed the room and plopped down onto the couch beside him, leaning over and giving him a lingering kiss. “What’d I miss?”

He sank back into the cushions and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her with him so that she snuggled into his side. “Not much,” he said truthfully. “My conversation with Clarke was short, and then I came home and read for awhile.” Bellamy hadn’t been much of a reader on the Ark, nor after it, but he’d discovered it was a nice way to disappear into another world for a little while and get his mind off what his life had become. And it was true, he _had_ read for a few minutes. The problem was he couldn’t focus on the words he was reading; that’s when he’d turned to his rifle.

Onyx laced her fingers through his and twisted their joined hands back and forth. Bellamy watched the way her eyes focused on the contrast between their skin tones; her pale smoothness against his sun-darkened, hair-roughened fingers. He felt a surge of affection for the bright, vivacious woman who had challenged him and brought him out of his self-isolation. 

“So how come your talk with Clarke didn’t go so well?” she asked, her voice deceptively casual. “From the way you talked about her before, I thought you guys were like super-besties.”

Bellamy exhaled audibly. Talking about Clarke with Onyx was going to be tricky because he could _not_ let her know how deeply Clarke was affecting him. It wasn’t fair to her. He almost wished he could make Clarke off-limits as a topic of conversation, but that would be even more suspicious. “Clarke is the type of person who thinks she can handle everything on her own,” he said finally. “The worse things are for her, the more she locks them down. Eventually she’ll break. Coming back and finding out her mom is dead has to be seriously rough on her, so she’s shutting me out right now.” He shrugged. “The only thing I can do is let her know I’ll be here for her when she _does_ break.” 

An indescribable look flitted through Onyx’s eyes and for a moment he worried that he’d revealed too much. Then a smile broke out across her face and she reached up to drop a kiss along his jaw. “You are such a good person, Bellamy Blake.” Her words were sincere and her voice was earnest. “Clarke is really lucky to have you as a friend. I hope she knows that.”

It struck him that Onyx had never known him when he _wasn’t_ a good person. She’d never seen the side of him that he showed when they first came down from the Ark. He wondered if she’d be so proud of him if she’d seen the person who tried to lynch Murphy, or the person who killed three hundred people on the Ark. If she’d understand why he shot Jaha, and that protecting his sister was more important to him than another man’s life. 

It also reminded him that Clarke _had_ seen that side of him. She’d known him at his worst as well as at his best. She hadn’t exactly been _proud_ of who he was then, but she’d trusted him to become the person he was now. She’d never given up on him. 

No sooner had the thoughts come to mind than he pushed them away again. Thinking that way was dangerous. It led him down a path that would turn him back into the selfish bastard who didn’t care how his actions affected other people, as long as they benefited him. So he banished Clarke from his head and didn’t allow himself to think about the fact that he’d had to do that several times already today. 

When he felt like he’d managed to put Clarke back in the box he’d kept her in for the past several months, he curved his hand under Onyx’s chin and tilted her face up so he could see her eyes. “Right now I don’t care about Clarke,” he murmured. “I don’t want to talk about her. I just want to enjoy being here with you.”

She smiled up at him. “That is the best idea I’ve heard in the past few days,” she purred. Her hand came up and her fingers slid through his hair, pulling him down to meet her mouth with his. 

Bellamy tugged Onyx into his lap and banded his arms around her, holding her close. He felt lighter than he had all day and he was determined not to let Clarke ruin the happiness he’d managed to find for himself. So when a flash of blonde hair and wounded eyes passed through his mind, he ignored it. He would just have to find a way to convince his heart to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No pitchforks, please. LOL It can't *all* be Bellarke or the story would get boring, right? Right? Yeah, I know, I don't believe that either. Don't worry, though, there are some great (hopefully you all think so, anyway) Bellarke moments in future chapters. :)


	4. Not Worth Running From

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I went on a Three Doors Down binge and ended up listening to _Seventeen Days_ on repeat, and now all of the chapter titles in this story are song lyrics from the CD. If you don't know who TDD is, please don't tell me because then I'll feel old and irrelevant. Google is your friend, ask him/her instead. LOL This chapter doesn't have much in the way of Bellarke, but it does set up some good stuff in the coming chapters. I appreciate all of the reviews that you've given so far and hope that the story continues to entertain. :) As always, questions/comments/love/skepticism are all welcome. (And yeah, I know a lot of you hate Onyx so far. She's not going away anytime soon, but just recognize that she's a plot device and isn't truly an obstacle. :) )

The next morning when the sunrise painted the pre-dawn sky in hues of rose and gold, Clarke was watching it from Raven and Wick's backyard. She sat curled up in a chair with her feet tucked up underneath her, both hands wrapped around a cup of coffee that had been steaming hot an hour earlier but was considerably cooler now.

She was grateful they'd given her a place to stay for the night. Staying in the mansion was expected but out of the question since there was no way in hell she would risk running into Onyx. The offer to stay with Marcus was also still on the table; she just wasn't ready to accept it, generous though it was. She suspected it had something to do with alleviating his guilt for being even tangentially responsible for Abby's death, and that wasn't something she could face just yet. It was pretty much a given that he'd want to talk about her. Clarke figured it was best to let that subject lie for the time being.

Her thoughts drifted back to Bellamy, as they had countless times over the last hour despite her continuous efforts to redirect them. She'd been absolutely shocked to find out he had a girlfriend; in retrospect, it shouldn't have been a surprise at all. Bellamy had never been without a woman when he wanted one at camp, and it _had_ been a year. Even if he cared about her, it wasn't like he was going to be celibate to honor her memory.

She'd never actually been sure how he felt about her. There was a spark there, something she'd suppressed partly because she had other things to focus on, and partly because she was still grieving Finn's loss. Not because she'd loved him, not the way he'd wanted her to anyway, but because he represented something she'd never thought she'd be able to have. Having that die by her own hand had broken something inside her and she wasn't willing to give it another chance to hurt her. So even though she thought Bellamy might feel something for her, or that he might if she let him, she turned her back on it. Until the Water Walkers, anyway.

They'd made her face some harsh truths. They'd refused to allow her to run away from herself. And during that time, she'd had to come to grips with the fact that she'd let Bellamy in more than she had anyone else, even her mother. He'd found a way to crack her protective shell and burrow inside without her even noticing. He was the reason she'd come home. Well, to _their_ home. It wasn't hers yet, and maybe it never would be, but she was here for him. It was a painful realization that she might have come back for nothing.

When the Walkers had first pushed her to come back, she'd resisted. She'd made peace with her past but wasn't willing to revisit it, because she knew that the moment she saw any of them the memories would haunt her again. So when she'd left their camp with nothing more than a pack and a water bottle, she hadn't actually planned on rejoining her people. The Walkers' scouts had learned of a new clan, and they'd reported back with enough information for her to recognize who they were. It wouldn't be hard for her to find them. But it didn't mean she wanted to.

Setting out that first day, her goal was to just keep walking until she found a new clan. Their studies on the Ark had included tales of nomadic people and she decided she'd be one of them. She'd find a clan, stay with them as long as they allowed, and move on when they no longer wanted her. Except every day she walked, she felt a pull. She'd take a step to the south and then feel herself being tugged north instead. Her heart pushed her farther than her mind wanted to go. After several days, she admitted that she wanted to go to them. She wanted to see _him_.

When she'd come over the top of that hill, her breath was trapped in her lungs. She hadn't recognized the distant figure as Bellamy yet, but the sight of a guard stirred the realization that she was going to see him again. When he ran toward her and she saw it was him, she'd felt truly at peace. She was home. _He_ was home; she'd just never understood that.

For a little while her world felt right again. She'd thought maybe, just maybe she had the chance to fix what she'd fucked up. Of course that would be when the girlfriend popped up. Unplanned, apparently, since Bellamy thought she'd be gone for several more days. The selfish part of Clarke wondered, if she'd been able to have those days with him, would the girlfriend have ceased to be an issue? The thought made her feel guilty because she'd already stolen one girl's boyfriend, although that wasn't actually her fault.

_Speak of the devil_ , she mused with an inward grin when the back door was flung open and Raven's dark head poked out. "Morning," she said lazily, taking a sip of now-cold coffee.

Raven plopped down on the other chair. "Morning," she returned easily. She eyed Clarke's coffee cup and wrinkled her nose. "That _can't_ taste good anymore."

Clarke shook her head and placed the cup on the ground beside her. The sun was higher up, the colors having faded into a pinky-orange haze. Pretty soon even those last remnants would be gone, leaving the sky a vivid blue with a few puffy clouds scattered across. Clarke was almost anxious about the day being fully upon them. She knew she couldn't hide in Raven's house for the whole day, but she had no freaking clue what to do with herself. She couldn't bear the idea of going up to the mansion.

Thinking about the mansion prompted a question that had been on her mind since Bellamy's casual explanation of it and the overall living structure. "What do you do here every day?" She had a hard time envisioning Raven being into full-time play. She was too smart, too curious and stubborn, to let her mind go to waste.

"I play with their tech," she said with a shrug. "I mean, technically it's _our_ tech, but there's definitely still that us-them divide thing going on even though Gem and Jaha are busting their asses to get us to feel like one unified people. It's just not playing that way for most of us, though."

"Do you trust him?" she asked suddenly.

Raven's brow wrinkled in confusion. "Jaha? Yeah, I guess. I never really thought about it. He's been our leader for as long as I've been alive, except for the time between when I got here and when you left."

Clarke debated the wisdom of explaining to Raven that Jaha had threatened her within minutes of speaking to her for the first time in well over a year. She wanted to, but she also didn't want to inadvertently put Raven in Jaha's crosshairs, so she kept her mouth shut. "So, you and Wick?" she said instead, derailing the topic of conversation before it even really started.

Raven laughed. "Yeah, me and Wick," she affirmed, shaking her head in disbelief. "I still can't believe it myself."

"How did it happen?" Clarke was genuinely curious. She'd had a vague idea that they'd hooked up prior to their attempt to raid the mountain, but it was a long way from hooking up to living together.

"He wouldn't leave me the hell alone," Raven said with a smirk, the exasperated affection clear on her face. "And then he _did_ leave me the hell alone, and it annoyed me. He gave me shit, I gave him shit, it all just kind of worked for us. And here we are."

Clarke wondered if she'd blown her chance to say something similar about her and Bellamy one day. Then she mentally slapped herself for going back to thinking about him. She couldn't change the situation, only he could do that, and she wouldn't ask. If he wanted her he was going to have to figure it out himself and do what it took to be available. If not, if he cared about Onyx more than he did her, then nothing she could do would make a difference.

Pushing herself up and out of the chair, Clarke resolved to find something productive to do. She needed to be active or she'd go crazy. "I'm going to go find Gem and ask her for a job," she announced firmly. "There has to be something. I'll be a guard, I don't care."

Raven thought for a second before saying, "We can always use another hunter. The hunters get our meat and the planters grow the fruits and vegetables, but I can't see you as a planter."

Clarke made a face. "Yeah, no. I can hunt. The Water Walkers taught me how to use spears and I've gotten pretty damn accurate." She plucked her coffee cup off the ground and started to head back inside, then paused. She knew the answer before she asked, but it was still hard to put the question into words. "Is it okay… Do you mind me staying here one more night?"

Raven shook her head. "Take all the time you need, girl. You have a home here until you find yourself another one." The sparkle in her eyes left no question as to whose home she expected the blonde to end up in. Clarke should have known that she couldn't keep anything from Raven; it was clear she knew more about the situation with Bellamy than Clarke had realized, and it was equally clear she didn't think Onyx posed a significant threat to that outcome.

Clarke gave her a half-hearted smile and disappeared inside the house.

lllll

Half an hour later, Clarke was being admitted to Gem's office. She felt a twinge of discomfort at how similar in appearance the woman was to her younger sister, but she pushed it away. She was here for a reason and she wasn't going to be distracted.

"Hello, Clarke." The woman folded her hands on her desk and regarded Clarke both politely and inquisitively. "I was told you wanted to see me."

Clarke lifted her chin a notch. "I can't just sit around and do nothing all day. Are there any jobs I can request? Raven mentioned something about you needing hunters, and that's something I can do."

Gem smiled. "Of course, Clarke. There is always a need for people who wish to contribute to our life here. Fortunately we have many people like yourself, those who feel a need to be active and participate in ways that are meaningful." She tapped a long fingernail against her lips, considering the options. "Raven was quite correct, hunters are always necessary and appreciated, but I don't believe it's an appropriate position for you. Someone of your intellect and capabilities should be doing something befitting those qualities."

Clarke looked at her skeptically. "You don't know anything about me. How can you make that claim on our first meeting?"

Gem smiled, but it lacked warmth. "You underestimate your legacy, Clarke Griffin. Your people talked of you incessantly for months. Your courage and the loyalty you instilled in them lingered long after you left."

Clarke got the feeling that it wasn't necessarily a compliment. "I did what I had to do to make sure we survived. I'm sure you understand that, being the leader of your own people."

"Of course I do," Gem replied, "and you can be sure I will always remember what is best for them and act accordingly." There was a hint of a warning in the words and it rankled Clarke. She'd been back for less than 24 hours and she'd already been warned twice and threatened once.

"So if you don't want me to be a hunter, what would you suggest?" Clarke asked, closing the door on that particular conversation. It wasn't worth getting into a pissing contest with the second in command. She just wanted to find something to do, do it well, and move on with her life.

"I'd like for you to partner with Bellamy on an ambassador program, of sorts."

_Or not._

Clarke stared at Gem in well-concealed dismay. "Bellamy's captain of the guard," she said by way of protest.

Gem nodded. "I've felt for awhile that he's wasted in such a position. Guard duty is little more than re-directing those who've gotten lost. I came up with the idea to select an ambassador between our clan and others, with Bellamy to serve as a bodyguard to the ambassador. I initially thought of pairing him with my sister, Onyx, but Nyxie isn't really suited for the role I have in mind. She's not serious enough to inspire confidence in the other clans' leaders, but she does well to lead one of our scouting teams and I'd like to keep her there. You, on the other hand, would be ideal for this. You have proven to be successful in facilitating alliances between clans, and you also seem to be predisposed to the nomadic life."

Clarke realized that the decision had essentially already been made. She could decline, of course, but it would likely lead to her life being made extremely difficult. On the plus side, it would get her away from Jaha and give her something to do. And really, Gem had kind of nailed it when she recognized that Clarke preferred being migratory.

"What will the job entail?" she asked finally.

Gem smiled, this time with some warmth. "You and Bellamy would travel to relatively nearby clans and spend time with them, get to know their culture, their leaders and elders, and explain to them the value of allying themselves with us. Bellamy can assist with that, since he's spent more time with us."

"Does this mean I won't ever have a life here?" The idea both appealed to and troubled her.

Gem was shaking her head before Clarke was done speaking. "Not at all. You'll spend a few weeks with a clan, then return. There aren't so many clans that you'll need to travel endlessly. Regardless, I would never be so foolish as to send Bellamy away for months or years at a time; Nyxie would revolt." For the first time, a truly affectionate smile lit the austere woman's face. "When you're in residence, you may feel free to join the hunters if you require additional activities to occupy your time."

Clarke knew there was little choice. Putting on her game face, she cheerfully said, "When do I start?"

"In another two weeks or so," Gem replied, her demeanor more relaxed now that she'd gotten what she wanted. "I'll need you and Bellamy to work with our scouts to chart the most immediate surrounding areas and the clans contained therein. I'll also need you to learn and understand our way of life here so you can convincingly tout the advantages of an alliance with the Wind People."

Clarke nodded, starting to rise from her seat before wondering if she was supposed to wait to be dismissed. Gem noticed her hovering uncertainly at the edge of her chair and gestured that it was okay for her to stand. As Clarke straightened, Gem paused consideringly. "From what I've heard, you and Bellamy made a formidable team before. Do you see any reason why that shouldn't still be the case?"

Clarke swallowed. "No," she said quietly. "Bellamy and I understand each other. Our partnership works because we each challenge the other to do what we think we can't. I can't imagine that's changed in the last year."

Gem nodded. "That's exactly what I'd hoped to hear. Now, would you please find Bellamy and bring him to me so I can explain your new roles?"

Clarke murmured her assent and left the office, keeping her head down as she hurried through the mansion. Once again, she was grateful that Bellamy's house was just a few minutes' walk from the front door. She wanted to get this over with; she almost dreaded finding out what his reaction to the news would be.

Knocking on his door, she crossed her arms over her chest and waited. It didn't take long before the door swung open, but her gut clenched when she saw Onyx's smiling face instead of Bellamy's brooding one. "Um, is Bellamy here?" she asked hesitantly, mentally scolding herself for quailing in the presence of the competition.

"Sure! Hey, Bells!" the other woman called out into the interior of the house. Bellamy appeared after a moment, pulling a shirt over his head. When the fabric cleared his face and his eyes landed on her, Clarke could see his Adam's apple working. Clearly he hadn't expected to confront the specter of his girlfriend and his pseudo-ex in the same room for the second time in 24 hours.

"Clarke, hey. What's going on?" he asked, his voice working to sound pleasant and unconcerned.

She shifted uncomfortably. "Gem wants to see you. She has a new assignment for the two of us."

Neither Bellamy nor Onyx missed the implication, judging by the expressions on their faces. "Give me a minute," he muttered, grabbing a pair of dark boots and sitting on the couch to pull them on. Clarke remained standing awkwardly in the doorway, giving Onyx a halfhearted smile before allowing her gaze to wander anywhere but the brunette's face. Bellamy finished lacing up his boots and crossed back to them, dropping a quick kiss on Onyx's upturned mouth. "I'll be back in awhile," he said quietly. "Feel free to stay here, or go back up to the mansion if you want."

Onyx watched the two of them, her expression unreadable. "I think I'll stay here," she said, and Bellamy nodded.

"Let's get back up there," Clarke said abruptly, wanting to escape the tension that had cropped up as soon as she explained her reason for arriving on Bellamy's doorstep. "I have a feeling Gem doesn't like to be kept waiting."

For the second time, Clarke and Bellamy traveled the short distance between his house and the mansion silently. Before they went inside, Clarke turned to Bellamy and blurted out, "I didn't ask for this. Just so you know."

Bellamy quirked an eyebrow at her in obvious confusion, but she pulled the door open and strode back to Gem's office, killing the question before it left his lips. She waited for him to follow her in before shutting the door behind them, steeling herself against whatever he would have to say about the partnership that had once again been thrust upon them.


	5. Real and Make Believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this chapter early because I really just can't wait to get to chapter 6, which is the start of my favorite series of chapters so far. Happy belated Mother's Day to me! LOL I'll be posting the normal weekly chapter on Thursday, and then I'll be back to weekly updates after that.

Bellamy was on his way back from his post at the gate, lost in thought, when Vic Markol came running up to him. Vic was the cartographer working with the lead scouts on charting the clan locations and had been his and Clarke's near-constant companion for the past couple days. "Bellamy, hey! I have the new maps for you and Clarke."

Bellamy took the rolled-up papers and unfurled them, his brow furrowing as he scanned the information. "So the Mainlanders are further out than we thought?" he asked, heart sinking.

Vic nodded. "At least another fifty miles."

Bellamy swallowed his groan of frustration. Another fifty miles meant more time traveling. More time alone with Clarke. Gem had to have some kind of ulterior motive; she wasn't completely oblivious to what a hornet's nest she was stirring up and how she was putting her little sister's relationship in jeopardy, which had been made evident during the briefing a week ago.

_"Hello, Bellamy. Thank you for coming on such short notice."_

_Bellamy glanced over at Clarke, disconcerted to see the withdrawn look on her face. "No problem, Gem. Clarke said it was important. What's going on?"_

_"Please have a seat." Gem waited patiently while Bellamy and Clarke sat; Bellamy leaned forward, his shoulders tensing in anticipation. "Has Clarke filled you in at all?" He gave a short shake of his head. "I've decided to take your formidable partnership and use it to our advantage by choosing Clarke to be the Wind People's envoy to surrounding clans. You know the difficulties we faced with our foes, and my goal is to see that we are never at the mercy of another clan ever again. Clarke's mission is to build alliances with the surrounding clans to prevent any future uprisings, so that if we_ are _attacked we have allies who will come to our aid."_

_Bellamy nodded, glancing over at Clarke. "That makes sense. Clarke is good at making things happen and she inspires trust and loyalty in pretty much everyone."_

_Gem's smile was stiff and it made him wonder what was really going on in the woman's head. She was one of the blankest canvases he'd ever known; there was no way to know what she was really thinking or what her agenda really was. "That's what I'm counting on," she said, and the tone was so cryptic that he instantly went on guard._

_"So what do you need from me?" he asked warily. "I'm not the diplomatic type. I was always the enforcer in our partnership."_

_She nodded. "And that's exactly what I need from you now." At Bellamy's confused look, she elaborated. "I'm not sending Clarke out to wander the countryside without any protection. I need your strength and your commanding presence to keep Clarke safe."_

_"I don't need anyone to keep me safe," Clarke said sharply, speaking up for the first time. "I'm not incapable of protecting myself. I know how to handle a gun and I can fight."_

_Gem gave her a flat, placid smile. "I'm fully aware of how capable you are, Clarke. However, your value lies in your diplomacy skills and your ability to build us an empire, with the Wind People as the ruling clan. I need to ensure your safety, and Bellamy is the best suited for that task."_

_Bellamy felt his stomach twist in knots as he realized what Gem was saying, and why Clarke had been so insistent that he understand she hadn't asked for this. "You're sending the two of us out on missionary trips. Together."_

_"I realize that you may not be fond of the idea, since it will take you away from my sister for extended periods of time. Under the circumstances, however, I would think that both of you should understand why this is so vital. We will_ not _be made weak in front of our enemies again. Clarke is our best chance at securing the allegiances we need to survive." She gave him a level stare. "You've worked together in the past. You work well together. I know and trust your abilities, Bellamy. Is there any man here you would send in your place? Who you would entrust Clarke's care to?"_

_Sensing Clarke bristle beside him, Bellamy instinctively laid a calming hand on her arm, forestalling her objection to being placed under_ anyone's _care. "There isn't, and you know it," he heard himself saying. "If you're going to send her out there, there's no one else I would have you send with her."_

_He realized immediately that he'd been more passionate than he meant to be, and his protective gesture hadn't gone unnoticed. Gem's gaze sharpened and a new awareness sprang into her eyes. They flickered from him to Clarke and back again, so quickly that he almost missed it. Her eyes narrowed slightly and he could have sworn he felt a chill descend on the room. "Your job is to accompany Clarke on these excursions, but Clarke is the envoy. You are the bodyguard. If she needs assistance in explaining our way of life, you will provide it. You are not to go beyond that."_

_The dual meaning was abundantly clear to him, and by the grim set to Clarke's mouth, he could tell it was to her as well. "Got it. When do we leave?"_

_She studied him calculatedly. "In two weeks' time. You're to work with Vic and the scouts to determine the course you will take, while Clarke learns our ways. The first clan you are to seek out is the Mainlanders." A smile curved her lips, but it lacked sincerity. "You should spend as much time with Nyxie as you can between now and then," she said, her tone almost a warning. "Your duties as captain of the guard will be given over to Grant, and your only requirements are to learn your routes with Vic and help Clarke with her transition to our society."_

_Bellamy stood, not caring that he hadn't been dismissed. "As soon as Vic has our route in place, I'll report back to you."_

_"Until then." It was a dismissal and he wasted no time in vacating the room, Clarke on his heels. He knew before he turned to face her that the tension in the office was only the beginning between them._

_"You could have turned her down," Clarke said flatly, but he was shaking his head before the words finished leaving her mouth._

_"I didn't turn her down for the same reason you didn't," he argued. "She made her decision and turning her down would only piss her off and somehow end up making my life miserable."_

_Her face was resolute. "It doesn't matter. Neither one of us turned her down, and now we're stuck. You should go spend time with your girlfriend. I'll see you in a couple weeks."_

It hadn't been that easy, of course. They'd had to study the maps with Vic and learn their surroundings, the areas they'd be traveling through and what the terrain was like, what dangers they were most likely to face, and the people they'd be encountering. Clarke had to spend time getting to know their customs and the way they lived.

She was settling in relatively well but Bellamy could see that there was still a distance between her and the others. Many of them had readily accepted her back into the fold, Monty and Kane chief among them, but she still held herself apart. For some reason Raven and Wick were the only two she'd really warmed up to and they had done their best to teach her what she needed to know. As usual, she learned quickly and was ready to meet the challenge head-on.

Unfortunately, he was one of the ones she'd been aloof toward since Gem had made her announcement. It wasn't that he could blame her; after all, it had to be even more awkward for her than it was for him, thinking that he'd essentially rejected her. There was no way for her to know how torn he was about this assignment, how much he was dreading being alone with her and away from his girlfriend for extended periods of time, but also how much he was looking forward to it. There was also no way for her to know how guilty he felt about the way he felt toward each of them, as if he was cheating on the other.

Shaking his head to clear the uncomfortable thoughts away, Bellamy opened the front door of the mansion and stepped through. He smiled as he was greeted by members of his guard-Grant's guard, now. Miller and Harper waved at him and he nodded in acknowledgement. It only took him a few moments to make his way back to Gem's office, but the sound of his girlfriend's irritated voice coming through a crack in the door stopped his fist from rapping on it.

"I really don't know why you can't find someone else," Onyx complained. "There are lots of guardsmen who would jump on the chance, guardsmen who have skills, too. Bellamy isn't the only one capable of protecting her."

Gem sighed; to Bellamy's ears, it was a sound of weariness. "We've had this conversation more than once already, Nyxie. I've made my decision and that's final."

He could see through the sliver of open door that Onyx's arms were crossed tightly over her chest. She was glaring at Gem in exasperation. "You realize you're sending my _boyfriend_ out with another woman, a beautiful woman, alone, for weeks at a time? A woman who he had a close relationship with once already, who pretty much fucked him up when she left? You understand that you're probably driving the nails into the coffin of my relationship one by one, every time you send them out together?"

Bellamy felt guilty for listening but he knew it was the closest he'd ever be to getting an insight into Gem's thoughts, so he moved closer to the door in an effort to make sure he heard everything. "I would be lying if I said I hadn't noticed a spark," Gem admitted finally. "However, he's loyal. I'm certain he'll resist temptation, and the fact of the matter is I need someone out there who will defend Clarke with his life."

"Why? _Why_ is it so important for her to be so well-protected?" Onyx protested. "And why is he the only one good enough in your eyes?"

"Because if I don't send him, I could lose the Sky People," Gem responded sharply. "Clarke is their de facto leader and they're likely not going to take kindly to her leaving almost as soon as she's returned. If the perception is that I sent her to her death, there very well could be a revolt. If I send Bellamy with her, everyone will know that her safety is my utmost concern. Their people recognized Bellamy and Clarke as a unit in their time, and if they're a unit again then I will be seen as their, and their clan's, champion."

"I hope that your being seen as a champion doesn't come at the cost of my happiness," Onyx retorted angrily, turning to leave. "They better not become a unit in more ways than one."

"Maybe you should look at the fact that you're jealous of this woman instead of being upset with me," Gem said calmly, and Onyx rounded on her with flashing eyes.

"I'm not jealous, I'm realistic. Even a saint would stray when confronted with temptation and Bellamy's going to have it shoved in his face every day for weeks on end. He's a good man, but when it comes to history, they have it in spades. I deserve better than being second best, and I refuse to be the woman waiting at home for the man who forgets her when he walks out the door."

The sound of her purposeful striding caused Bellamy to jump back. If he got caught listening to them there would be hell to pay. Glancing around, he spied the open door to the tech lab and practically threw himself through it; his abrupt entrance caused Monty to look up in surprise.

"Hey, Bellamy! What brings you to the nerd cave?" he asked cheerfully.

"I need to show Gem the new maps, but there's someone already in her office," Bellamy said truthfully. "I figured I'd wait here for a few, see if she has some time open up soon."

Monty nodded his head as Onyx passed by, irritation showing plainly on her beautiful face. "Looks like it was just your lady, and she's outta here. You should be clear now."

Bellamy nodded and crossed back over to the office, knocking lightly on the door. When Gem invited him in, he stepped just inside the door. "I have the new maps," he said, giving no indication that he'd heard the argument between her and Onyx. She gestured for him to come all the way in. He dropped the maps on her desk and sat back into the chair. "Looks like the Mainlanders are further out than we thought," he said shortly.

She reviewed the information quickly, zeroing in on the most salient bit of it. "Fifty miles," she said. "That difference is going to add several days to your journey, on either side."

Nodding, he steepled his fingers together. "That's what Vic and I figured, so now I have a question. Why didn't you send us to the River Lords first? They're a helluva lot closer. Seems to me it would make the most sense to develop relationships with the nearest clans and work our way outward."

Gem smiled at him in a way that seemed to suggest he was a foolish child. "The primary reason is we want to first build an alliance with the clan that is going to be the most beneficial to us. The Mainlanders are larger in number, stronger, and have better resources. Secondly, the Wind People already have a relationship with the River Lords. They came to us a decade ago, having migrated close to us after their home was destroyed. We sheltered them for a time, helped them tend to their wounded and build themselves a new community. I actually worked closely with their leader, Hammond Locke, as that was right when my parents were grooming me to take over leadership of the Wind People. Hammond is loyal to our clan, so the River Lords are an unnecessary expenditure of Clarke's skills."

It was the most she'd ever said to him, and yet it still gave him nothing. "Makes sense. I'll let Clarke know we have our route. We'll be ready to leave at the end of the week." He stood up to leave, but Gem stopped him.

"Bellamy." He waited while she composed her thoughts. "I dislike interfering in your relationship with my sister. I try very hard not to use my position of authority as a tool to bend others to my will in personal matters. However, I would be remiss if I didn't let you know that Nyxie is rather concerned about my plan. I would encourage you to speak with her, and reassure her that she has nothing to worry about concerning Clarke."

It was less of a suggestion than a command, and Bellamy recognized it as such. Gem was telling him that Onyx shouldn't have anything to worry about, and he was expected to make sure it stayed that way. He stiffened slightly at being told what to do, but he understood she was being a protective older sister rather than a leader in that moment. "She doesn't. I'll make sure she understands that."

Gem relaxed. "I'm glad to hear it. If anything changes between now and when you are to leave, please notify me immediately. Otherwise, I will see you in a week."

Nodding absently, Bellamy left the office and headed out to Raven and Wick's house. Clarke was there more often than not and he needed to show her the new maps. Right at that moment there was nothing he wanted less than to see her, but he had to.

He knocked on the door and waited, almost hoping she wasn't there. His hopes were dashed when Raven flung the door open and gestured for him to come inside. "She's in the living room." She gestured to the room in question before heading back into the kitchen, which he bypassed. Clarke looked up at his entrance.

"We have the new maps," he informed her succinctly, holding the aforementioned documents out to her.

It didn't escape his notice that she avoided his eyes as she accepted the maps, and he waited for her to realize the changes Vic had made. "Another fifty miles?" she asked, the dismay evident in her voice. He nodded, remaining silent because there was really nothing to say. "I guess it doesn't really matter, does it?" she continued, shrugging fatalistically. "We'll be doing enough of these little excursions that fifty miles here or there isn't going to make much difference."

When she put it that way, it really wasn't anything to get worked up over. It was just that this was their first one, his first test. He'd have preferred a much shorter sojourn so that he could get back to Onyx as fast as possible. Once he had one under his belt, the rest were sure to be easier. "Are you going to be ready at the end of the week?" he asked shortly, ignoring her assessment of the situation.

"You don't have to worry about me, Bellamy. I'll always do what I have to." The look she gave him was part wistful, part resigned, and it stung.

"I know." His voice was rough as he remembered their hands on the lever, pulling slowly together, uniting them. Sharing the burden in a way no one else would ever understand. And here she was right in front of him, and yet as far from him as if she had never returned. "I'm heading home now. Let me know if there's anything you need between now and Friday."

"Bellamy? You got a minute?" Raven's voice surprised him; he'd forgotten there was anyone else even there. He nodded a goodbye to Clarke and headed for the kitchen. Raven was standing there, her palms flat against the counter, her lips pressed together. Wick stood next to her, his face apologetic. Bellamy instantly knew this wasn't going to be pleasant.

"What's up, Raven?" he asked easily, ignoring the warning signs.

"I know it isn't my place to interfere in your relationships, but I'm going to do it anyway."

"There seems to be a lot of that going around today," he muttered, and Wick stepped in.

"Babe, maybe you shouldn't," he started.

"Shut it, Kyle." He did, wisely, and moved back with his hands held up in surrender. "I don't like that Gem paired the two of you up again. I get why she did it because it makes total sense. I still think it's a recipe for disaster. I'm just going to say this one time, and you damn well better listen to me or I'll kick your ass and your balls back into space. You either keep your hands off Clarke, or you go all in. You got me? She's fucked up enough and I'm not going to watch you mess with her and fuck her up worse." She kept her voice low to avoid being overheard, but the steel behind it let Bellamy know she wasn't messing around.

He winced at her graphic threat, but nodded anyway. "I may be a lot of things, Raven, but I'm not a cheater. Onyx deserves better than being disrespected like that, and for that matter, so does Clarke. My hands are off. I promise."

"That's what _you_ think," she scoffed, but seemed satisfied. "Now get out." He did, acknowledging Wick's sympathetic expression with a rueful one of his own.

Not for the first time that week, Bellamy was troubled as he made his way home. He'd meant what he told Raven; Onyx absolutely _did_ deserve better. He didn't want to give her any reason to think she was "the woman waiting at home", and that meant that once and for all, he had to close the door on his feelings for Clarke. No matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews! As always, I greatly appreciate them.


	6. This World Falls On Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I'm devastated by the news coming out of the CW upfronts. Apparently The 100 isn't coming back until next spring. How can we wait almost a whole year? I'm going to go insane. Don't give up, fic writers! New stories are the the only thing that's going to get me through this unbelievably cruel hiatus. *sigh* Because of this horribly disappointing news, I'm going to do another double update this week. Chapter 7 will be added on Sunday, and chapter 8 will be added on Wednesday. It's the best I can do, everyone. Stay strong, and be sure to feed your favorite authors so we stay motivated to continue to write. :)

It was the morning of their departure and Clarke stood on the steps of the mansion, waiting for Bellamy to finish saying his goodbyes. She kept her face averted, though it didn't alleviate the awkwardness of knowing Onyx was kissing him for all she was worth not five feet away.

Raven gave her a look that was part sympathy and part irritation. She hadn't been shy about voicing her opinion that the other woman was only a temporary diversion for Bellamy. She'd muttered more than once that she'd be shocked if he managed to keep his hands off Clarke for more than about two days. Clarke had eventually begged her to stop talking about it, and though she had, she hadn't stopped with the smirks and raised eyebrows.

"You're going to be just fine out there," she said now, her voice casual and dismissive. "Bellamy will have your back, and it's not like this area is filled with predators, not like Tondc. You'll sweet-talk the Mainlanders and be back before you know it. Piece of cake."

Clarke gave her a half-smile, simultaneously wanting to believe her friend and also recognizing that there was little chance it would be that smooth and easy. She hesitated, then gave Raven a brief, tight hug. Raven returned it fiercely, pulling back with a rueful smile. "Keep Wick out of trouble," Clarke said, attempting to make her voice sound light, and Raven snorted.

"You ready?" His voice, low and deep, came from just behind her. Turning slightly, she met his expressive chocolate eyes and nodded, keeping her face neutral. "Gem and Jaha aren't coming. They're meeting with Grant to finalize the new guard schedule."

Clarke had no problem with that. It was bad enough seeing Onyx, who had leveled a warning stare at her before latching her lips on to Bellamy's. It seemed _everybody_ perceived her as a threat for all the warnings she'd gotten in just two weeks. She wasn't interested in enduring another from Gem or Jaha either one. "Let's go," she said gruffly, hoisting her pack onto her shoulder and accepting the rifle Bellamy handed her. She glanced over involuntarily, catching sight of Onyx standing with her legs spread apart, arms crossed over her chest, lips pressed together. The two women locked eyes and a silent communication passed between them, then Onyx turned around and went inside the mansion.

If Bellamy noticed the odd moment he didn't mention it, instead lifting his chin to indicate Clarke should follow him. She wordlessly fell into step behind him, keeping her head down as they made their way through the homes to the front gate. It didn't take long for them to reach it and they paused while it swung open. Clarke waited while Bellamy exchanged a few words with Troy, the new lieutenant, and looked around the world outside their walls. It had only been two weeks since she'd walked through this gate from the other side, and in those two weeks her world had been rocked more than once.

The sound of Troy clapping Bellamy on the back broke through her thoughts. He closed the distance between them and placed his hand lightly on her elbow as if to guide her out, but when she stiffened underneath his touch he dropped it.

The first few hours passed in an awkward silence. Clarke was painfully aware of his body next to hers, keeping pace with her, his rifle slung across his pack as hers was. They fell into a companionable rhythm but the tension radiated between them. There were a few times when she opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again. There really wasn't anything worth saying. Apparently Bellamy felt the same because he didn't make an effort to speak to her, either. She was both relieved and disappointed, and also angry with herself for caring.

The silence had become deafening by lunchtime and Clarke was ready to scream from the pressure of it. She was searching for something, anything to say, desperate to break it, when he spoke first. "I hear a stream, so there should be game nearby. I'll catch us some lunch."

She stared after him as he cautiously crept through the trees, spurred on herself by the sound of the trickling water. She was only a minute behind him when the gunshot rang out, and when she stepped into the clearing he was lifting a rabbit by its ears. Quickly, she built a fire and he began the process of skinning the rabbit, then skewered the meat onto two sticks to roast over the flame. After a few minutes of watching the meat cook, grease dripping into the fire and causing it to pop and sizzle, she made her way over to the water.

It was sparkling, blue and clear and crisp. Cupping her hands together, she dipped them below the surface and lifted them to her lips, drinking deeply. Once she'd slaked her thirst she grabbed their canteens and filled them, letting her mind wander. It was a beautiful place and the serenity reminded her of the solitary trip back to Camp Jaha. She'd been alone for so long that she'd actually enjoyed the quiet as she traversed the land between their clans. Funny how the quiet was killing her now.

A rabbit skewer was suddenly thrust in front of her face and she sprang back, startled. A low chuckle met her ears and she grabbed the stick from Bellamy's hands, glaring at him as his lips curved up into a not-quite-mocking grin. Studiously ignoring him, she bit down into the rabbit, closing her eyes and sighing when the flavor exploded on her tongue. The sudden stillness made her eyes pop open and she realized he was watching her. Self-consciously, she swallowed the rabbit and laid the stick across her knee.

It felt like the silence was going to go on forever when he finally opened his mouth. "So. Iona, huh?" he asked, and the completely unexpected topic threw her for a moment. Her mouth parted in confusion and he shook his head. "I guess I can see why they would have thought it suited you, especially if you shut them out as easily as you have me."

"Bellamy," she started, sighing in frustration before falling quiet again. He continued to watch her, seemingly content to let her grapple with her thoughts. "Shutting you out isn't exactly easy."

He was leaning back against the log behind him, elbows braced on the bark-covered wood. His tanned, hair-roughened fingers hung loosely and she felt her eyes being drawn to them before his scoffing laughter pulled her gaze back up to his face. "Right. That's why you won't smile at me, won't talk to me, won't even fucking look at me."

Her temper was starting to rise so she inhaled a slow, deep breath to calm herself before she lashed out at him. "It's called making an idiot of myself and not being able to look at you without thinking about it." The honesty was uncomfortable but she didn't have the energy to come up with a convincing lie.

His entire face changed and she knew she was in trouble. It was the look he gave her right before she left, when he asked her where she was going to go. It was the look that said he was frustrated because he just wanted to keep her with him even though he knew he couldn't, and there was nothing he could do to change it. "Clarke…"

Shaking her head sharply, she cut him off before he could say anything else. "I don't want to talk about it, Bellamy. It's done. We're going to be spending a helluva lot of time together over the next couple weeks, a significant portion of it alone, and the last thing I want is to spend any of it talking about us. Not that there ever was an us, but it's pretty clear we both had thoughts in that direction. And now it's over, so let's just bury it, okay?"

She was certain the look in her eyes conveyed her desperation, and Bellamy took pity on her and let the matter drop. "Do you miss them?" he asked instead, and she was relieved at the change in topic.

Considering the question, she lifted the stick and began chewing on her rabbit again. Finally she said, "Not really. I mean, sometimes I miss the tranquility of being there, being allowed to be a part of their people without actually being one of them. That's why they called me Iona. I was truly an island there." She smiled suddenly as a memory hit her. "They called me their phoenix more than they called me Iona, though."

One eyebrow arched. "Their phoenix?"

"The mythological bird that rises from its own ashes?" He nodded in acknowledgement, so she continued. "The Walkers were convinced that whatever I had come from was destroying the old me, and I would rise from the ashes as a newer, better version of myself. They believed I needed to rejoin my people for the cycle of rebirth to be complete. The Walkers were a very spiritual people."

Clarke expected him to say something mocking or sarcastic but instead he remained quiet, watching her thoughtfully. Feeling self-conscious again, she muttered, "I know, it sounds like total bullshit."

Surprisingly, he shook his head. "Not really. Sounds like they kind of pegged you, actually." He scooped up some dirt and scrubbed it between his hands to soak up the rabbit grease, then rinsed them in the stream. Clarke was glad she'd already taken the time to fill the canteens when the dirt swirled in the water, leaving a rainbow of color across the surface as a result of the grease skimming it. The dirt particles sank slowly and she watched them intently, wondering what it would be like to simply sink beneath the water and float away.

Bellamy tilted his head slightly, observing her. "You coming?" he asked finally, and she nodded reluctantly as she got to her feet.

She didn't want them to fall back into the pained silence from the earlier part of the day, so she wracked her brain for something to start a conversation. One that hopefully wouldn't circle back to them in any way. "What was it like growing up with a sister? I always felt like Wells was sort of a brother to me, but it was impossible to know what a real sibling relationship is like."

Bellamy barked out a short laugh. "I can guarantee Wells didn't think of you like a sister."

Clarke flushed lightly. She'd always suspected that Wells had feelings for her, but she hadn't felt the same. And then her father was standing between them, and then Wells was gone. She doubted she ever would have returned his feelings, but it didn't stop her from feeling guilty for what she'd put him through, that last year especially. "I asked about _you_ ," she said instead, attempting to redirect the conversation.

"Being a big brother was the best thing that ever happened to me," Bellamy said, and she sensed the sentiment was genuine. "It was scary and hard as hell, but my life began when Octavia was born. I don't think I'd be the person I am today if she didn't exist; I might not even be alive. If I hadn't gotten on that drop ship I might have been on one of the parts of the Ark that exploded when it came down."

A queasy sensation bloomed in her stomach at the thought that she might never have known him, that he might have been lost to her before she ever had the chance to know it was a possibility. "A lot of things would be different if you hadn't been on that drop ship," she murmured. "More of us would have died without your leadership."

"Maybe the three hundred people from the culling would still be alive," he said shortly, and she instinctively reached out to place her hand comfortingly over his. His eyes dropped to them immediately before shooting back up to stare intently into hers. "You know it's true, Clarke. If I hadn't tossed that radio, Raven would have been able to tell your mom that we were alive and the ground was survivable. Hell, if I hadn't had everyone take off their wristbands, they would have been able to tell we were all surviving okay and they would have made arrangements to come down sooner."

"And maybe Raven would have died in the Ark explosion," Clarke shot back. "So maybe you saved her life by doing what you did. Without Raven the rest of us might not have survived, either, so maybe you saved all of us already on the ground."

"Maybes and might haves, Clarke," he said tiredly, and she bit back another retort. "We don't know what might have happened if I hadn't been here. But we know what did because I was."

She fell silent again, not knowing what to say. She realized she'd been able to escape from the Sky People to patch up her wounds and heal internally, but she had never understood the wounds Bellamy carried around with him every day. It had been so easy to forget the person he was when they first landed on the ground because he'd proven for so long that underneath it all he was a good, caring person, a man who would do the right thing for his people and protect those he loved even at the risk to himself. It was difficult to remember that he'd been selfish and hard and cruel for a time, because that wasn't the real him. Or at least Clarke chose to believe that it hadn't really been him. Which meant that he carried the memories of his selfish behavior, behavior that had gotten hundreds of people killed, heavily in his heart.

He cleared his throat to break the silence, and when she glanced over at him he gave her a half-hearted smile. "What about you? I want to know what little Clarke was like, before coming to Earth and becoming a leader turned warrior."

She smiled a little, thinking about her childhood. The Walkers had encouraged her for months to open herself up to those memories, to embrace the person she'd been before learning about the Ark's desperate situation and watching her father get floated. Like Bellamy's first few weeks on the ground, it was nearly impossible to reconcile with who she was now.

"I had a great childhood," she said with a shrug. "My mom was on the Council, my dad was the Senior Environmental Engineer. I was best friends with the Chancellor's son. I was one of the privileged, as you've pointed out on more than one occasion. Isn't that why you always called me princess?"

Bellamy winced and she instantly wished she could take the words back. She hadn't meant to reinforce the divide between them. "You know that I never meant anything negative by that," he said quietly. "It was just kind of what we called you. I wasn't even the one who started it."

She huffed out a mirthless laugh. "Finn used it as a term of endearment. You used it as an insult."

He faltered. "Maybe at first," he admitted. "But then it was just kind of you. It was the exact opposite of what you were, but it still somehow fit."

She pressed her lips together. Being called princess reminded her of Finn and though the pain of his loss had faded long ago, it dredged up the affection that still lingered and probably always would. "Anyway," she continued, purposely shutting him down, "I had everything I could want. I was smart, I was popular, I had loving parents. I was as spoiled as an Ark kid could be, and in the end I lost everything despite it. My father was floated, I spent a year locked in a cell just for having knowledge that Jaha was determined to keep locked up with me, and my best friend was killed simply because he was protecting me, even though I hated him, which by the way was for no reason since he didn't do anything but take the fall for my mom. My mom betrayed my dad, and died before I could tell her I forgave her. I became a murderer. I walked away from my people and came back to a world that doesn't need me." She took a shuddery breath before giving him a sardonic smile. "Aren't I lucky, being the privileged one?"

Bellamy gave her a helpless look and she could feel the ache in her gut at having driven him there. It seemed that the only thing she was good at was pushing him away. It didn't surprise her that he'd gravitated toward Onyx. She may not need him, but she wanted him, and according to what Raven and Wick had let slip, she hadn't hesitated to make her desire for Bellamy known. Clarke had done nothing but keep him at arms' length, even after she began to suspect that he was the only one she wanted to _not_ keep at arms' length.

The uncomfortable revelations had them both falling quiet once more. Clarke was too emotionally worn out to try to resurrect the conversation, to find something cheerful and fun for them both to talk about, and it seemed Bellamy couldn't come up with anything either. They walked in silence for the remainder of the day, though at least this time it was a companionable one. Clarke sensed that both of them were wrapped up in what was going on in their own heads as opposed to awkwardly avoiding speaking to the other. It was progress, at least.

It had been dark for a couple hours when they finally stopped to make camp beside a large lake. Clarke got to work on building a fire while Bellamy pitched their tent and spread out their bedrolls. She was anxious about sharing a tent with him but was determined that they could behave like adults. It was a large tent anyway; it wasn't like they were within arms' reach of each other.

They quietly enjoyed a dinner of freshly-caught fish and apples that Bellamy had procured for the two of them. Clarke made a mental note to participate more in the food gathering, especially now that she was better trained with a spear. Lifting her gaze from her now-empty plate, she found Bellamy looking at her again, this time with his eyebrows knitted together. "What?" she asked warily.

"I was just thinking how glad I am that it's me here with you," he said simply. "I would have worried so much with you gone that it's better for me to be here."

Her breath caught in her throat. His eyes were soft in the glow of the fire and she wanted to let herself believe that he would have volunteered to come with her even if Gem hadn't commanded it. "I'm glad it's you, too," she said softly.

Before he could respond, she busied herself with cleaning up their dishes and putting their supplies away in one corner of the tent. She had just finished undressing and slipping into her bedroll when he tentatively lifted the flap of the tent and peered in. "Is it okay if I come in now?" he asked quietly, and she nodded.

He crouched down to avoid hitting the top of the tent, but his muscles still stretched when he lifted his arms to pull his shirt over his head. Her heart stuttered in her chest at the sight of such masculine beauty, although she turned her head quickly when he glanced in her direction. She was vividly aware of him kicking off his boots and settling into his bedroll, surreptitiously watching the shadow he cast on the walls of the tent.

They both lay quietly for a few moments before she braved rolling over to face him. He was shrouded in darkness on his side, but every few seconds the flame from the fire outside leaped, casting his face in soft light. His eyes watched her, flickering hungrily over her features, and she swallowed. This wasn't going to be easy, not even a little bit. She allowed herself to boldly and openly return his gaze, and his eyes were burned into her memory as she slipped into the oblivion of sleep.


	7. One More Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew going into this that my decision to introduce Onyx as Bellamy's girlfriend wasn't going to be entirely popular with my readers. I understand that her presence is both complicating and frustrating, but she's also critical to the story that I wanted to tell. She's not going away. Neither is Gem. Neither are the Wind People. They are all elements of the world that I've built in my head and want to share with all of you. If you're unhappy with these elements and they're ruining the story for you, my suggestion at this point is to stop reading. I say this without malice or "eff you if you don't like it". I say it because these elements will remain a part of the story until the very end, and IMO it makes no sense to continue on with something that makes you so unhappy in the hopes that they'll just suddenly disappear. For everyone else, I really hope this chapter gives you the kind of feels it did me. ;)

Bellamy was grateful that the next several days passed in the same relatively companionable manner. Once they'd broken the uncomfortable silence, they'd managed to find their way back to that easy partnership they'd had for so long. There was a point when it struck him that maybe they'd had such an easy partnership because they'd actually spent very little of it together, but it was irrelevant to their current situation so he just made himself believe they could go back to where they'd been and both of them would be fine.

It wasn't so easy to convince himself of that at night. During the day they could fall in and out of conversation fluidly; Clarke would be lost in thought for an hour and then randomly point out a flower and somehow twenty minutes later they'd end up talking about their favorite memories on the Ark or what they would have for their next meal if they could choose anything they wanted. Then she'd focus inward on some thought and forget to respond, and they'd lapse back into being nonverbal.

But the nights, even though they usually went quickly due to sheer exhaustion from the arduous trek, always started out the same-dinner, which he usually caught, followed by falling into their bedrolls. Sometimes she'd turn away and he'd watch the firelight play over her alabaster skin, the flames looking like they were licking up the length of her spine. He'd imagine tracing the tip of his finger up and down that column, eliciting shivers as she pretended to ignore him.

Other times she'd lay facing him, their eyes locked on each other's in a way that he knew was dangerous. More than once he wondered if she wormed her way out of her bedroll and snuggled in with him, would he have the strength to tell her no? Would he be able to reject her when all he wanted was to wrap himself around her and never let her leave his side?

Fortunately, she never made him face that decision. She stuck to her side of the tent, even when her eyes skimmed his broad, bare chest, the desire lighting them momentarily before she visibly forced it away. Bellamy was both disappointed and relieved. Part of him wished she'd take the decision away from him, but Clarke would never put him in that position and they both knew it.

So every morning he'd wake up and leave to take care of the discomfort caused by having lain beside her all night, then sneak back into the tent before she woke up. In another lifetime, he could have easily become accustomed to witnessing those vividly bright eyes pop open every morning, drinking in the sight of him. In that other lifetime he always greeted her with softly murmured words and a firm, demanding mouth on hers. In this lifetime, he had to be satisfied with a brief smile before leaving the tent again to let her get dressed while he started breakfast.

The arrangement worked for them, at least for those first few days. Then Clarke got sick and Bellamy found himself playing nurse to a very stubborn patient.

"Clarke." Her name came out on a sigh that was half sympathy, half frustration. "I know you feel like shit. You have to rest or you're not going to get better."

" _I'm_ the healer, remember?" she croaked, taking another shaky step forward. Her head drooped, her chin nearly touching her chest. She'd been walking like she was trudging through oatmeal for the last couple miles and Bellamy was ready to push her over just to see if maybe she'd stay down once she was there. "I think I know what my body can handle, and how to fix it if it can't."

"You're also stubborn as a damn mule," he said bluntly, and she cast a weary, irritated gaze his way. "You need to stop driving yourself like this."

She snorted. "You are the absolute last person who should be talking."

Running a frustrated hand over his hair, Bellamy let out a half-sigh, half-growl. "Yeah, I get it. We're _both_ stubborn as damn mules. But right now that means you're going to lose, because I'm just as stubborn as you are _and_ I'm almost twice your size."

"Bellamy, we're not far away now. Can you please just let me get to the camp?" she asked tiredly. "I'll rest and get better when we're there."

He gave his head a definitive shake. "And show up looking half-dead? How is that supposed to inspire confidence in an alliance with our people?"

"Bellamy." Her voice was pleading. He couldn't understand what was so important to her about not stopping, why she of all people was refusing to give her body the chance to recover.

"Clarke." There was no pleading in his voice, only a soft command. She wilted as it obviously became clear to her that Bellamy wasn't wrong, and he wasn't giving in. "You need to recover before you're any good to us. Gem tasked me with protecting you. That includes from yourself." Before she could protest he placed one arm across her back and slid the other behind her knees, pulling her easily into his arms. She opened her mouth to object and he silenced her with one warning glare.

"I can walk on my own," she mumbled. Once in his arms, however, the fight went out of her and she seemed to relax. Bellamy ignored the sharp, tight feeling in his chest when she curled up against him, letting her head drop to his shoulder. Her warm breath caressed his neck with every exhale and the sensation shot south through his body.

"I know you can. You can do anything you put your mind to," he murmured affectionately, holding her closer as she drifted off to sleep. He carried her as far as he could, wanting to give her as much time as possible to rest. Finally, when he swore his arms had turned to lead and he was in danger of dropping her, he gently laid her down on the ground. Her eyelids fluttered open and then eased shut again.

Once he was sure she was sleeping peacefully, Bellamy pitched their tent and laid out the bedrolls, then built a fire. He was reluctant to leave her alone but he needed to get them food, so he gently moved her into the tent and covered her with a blanket, then set out to find some game. When he returned a half hour later with a couple of grouse, she was still fast asleep.

It was the smell of the meat cooking that roused her. She sat up and rubbed at her eyes, yawning. "That kind of smells good."

He chuckled. "Thanks for the enthusiastic compliment there, princess." The old nickname slipped out and he saw her tense, so he continued on as if it meant nothing. "We got lucky. I found a couple grouse and a few eggs, too, so we have something for breakfast."

"Since we're stopping early, I should wash out our clothes," she offered, starting to edge past him. "This is the first time we'll have an opportunity to actually let them dry."

He stopped her with a hand to her shoulder, noting that it was clear how weak she was since she wasn't even trying to push him away. "We're stopping early for you to rest," he stated unequivocally. "Now get your ass back in that tent, or at least plant it on the dirt so we can eat. I'll wash the clothes afterward."

A sparkling grin broke out on her face and while it was at odds with how she was feeling, Bellamy was determined to do whatever it took to make it stay. "You're turning into quite the Renaissance man," she teased. "You hunt and protect, _and_ you cook and clean. No wonder Onyx keeps you around."

The mention of his girlfriend, offhand though it was, had the immediate effect of a splash of icy water in his face. He stiffened, his lips pressing tightly together, and he could see the regret in her eyes as soon as she realized what she'd said. "The grouse is almost ready," he muttered, and she nodded before disappearing back into the tent. He cursed himself and, in a fit of temper, picked up a rock and hurled it into the trunk of a nearby tree.

He couldn't keep doing this to himself. He wasn't a cheater and he wasn't the type to care more about himself and his own needs than others'-not anymore, anyway. He'd made his decision, so why did it feel like he could never remember that he'd chosen Onyx? She was the one who'd brought him back to life after Clarke took the best parts of him with her when she left. There shouldn't be a doubt in his mind that Onyx was the one he wanted to return to. _Except you know if Onyx left the way Clarke did, you wouldn't miss her half as much_ , his brain taunted him. _Would you miss her at all? Do you miss her even now?_

The answer to those questions was abundantly clear but he wouldn't let himself dwell on them. If he did, he would be in danger of doing something incredibly stupid, and incredibly unfair to all of them. Dropping his head, he inhaled deeply and sternly reminded himself that he'd made a promise to multiple people to keep his hands off Clarke, and he was damn well going to keep that promise.

Bellamy rose determinedly and walked over to the tent, calling out softly to her and waiting for her permission to enter. She was curled up on the bedroll and studying the maps again. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

She blinked at him. "What on earth could you possibly be sorry for?" she asked. "I'm the one who brought her up."

He shrugged uncomfortably. "I overreacted. She's a part of my life and as much as I wish I could keep that life with her separate from my life with you, I can't. I can't pretend she doesn't exist. It's not fair to her, and it's not fair to you."

The look that flashed through her eyes felt like a spear through his heart. It seemed every time he had the opportunity he just hurt her even more than he had the last. "It's okay, Bellamy," she said dismissively, but he caught the tremble in her voice. "We're friends, nothing more. It's normal to talk about your girlfriend. Don't feel you can't. Now, is dinner almost ready? I'm actually kind of hungry, surprisingly."

He balled his hands into fists against his thighs. She'd brushed off the incident with aplomb, although he wouldn't have expected anything less from her. She was like no one else he'd ever met in being able to compartmentalize her feelings for the sake of the mission. "Yeah, just about," he said gruffly. "Grab some fruit from our packs. There wasn't much else out there besides the grouse and tree nuts." Pivoting, he opened the tent flap and exited, dropping it behind him with a quick exhalation of breath. This excursion was going to be the death of him.

She appeared a few minutes later, just as he was proclaiming the grouse done. There was an orange in each hand and she tossed one at him when he glanced up and caught her eyes. His brows furrowed when he saw how drawn and pale she still was. "Sit your scrawny ass down before you fall down," he commanded brusquely, and she made a face at him. Hiding his grin behind a bite of the bird, he handed a skewer over to her.

He wasn't surprised when she picked at it listlessly. She wasn't the greatest eater anyway, and her stomach probably wasn't cooperating with her at the moment. Details of her illness hadn't exactly been forthcoming so he wasn't sure what she was suffering from, but he knew food was the last thing on his mind when he felt like shit. "Eat," he instructed gently. "At least a few bites. We're staying right here until you feel well again, so the more you keep up your strength, the faster you'll get better and we can get out of here."

Her eyes opened wide in protest. "That could take days!" she exclaimed. "We're not delaying our arrival just because I don't feel great."

He glared at her sternly. "You were about to drop, and you were asleep not sixty seconds after I had you in my arms," he reminded her, and he immediately knew he'd said the wrong thing. The phrasing struck him as being decidedly intimate and he could see by the look she gave him that it had affected her as well. "You're driving yourself too hard," he finished lamely. "Another couple days isn't going to hurt anyone, but it can only help you."

She lifted one eyebrow as if to remind him of exactly how much damage an extra couple days could do to them, but he chose to ignore the challenge in her eyes. Sighing, she pulled another bite of grouse off the stick with her even, white teeth and chewed distractedly. He found himself watching her again, which had become his favorite pastime of late. After another three bites, she handed the skewer back to him with a shake of her head. "That's all I can do tonight," she said tiredly.

He polished off the rest of the grouse and gestured for her to eat the orange. "A few sections," he insisted around the last swallow of bird. "The vitamin C will do you good."

"Look who's turning into a mother hen and a nurse all in one," she teased, and he made a face back at her.

"I just don't want to have to drag your stubborn ass into the Mainlanders camp," he insisted, knowing he wasn't fooling her a bit. When she'd eaten half the orange, he nodded approvingly. "Good. Now go back in the tent and lay down. I'll go wash the clothes and clean up here when I get back."

When she actually moved to obey him without protest, he pretended to grab at his heart and fall over in shock. She glared at him and he grinned back at her, enjoying getting to boss her around for once. He moved to bury the remains of the bird so none of the local predators decided to descend on their camp. Just as he was finishing up, the tent flap opened and a pile of clothes came flying out at him. An impish snicker erupted from the recesses of the tent when he became a human clothes rack.

Bellamy pretended to grumble loudly about the blatant disrespect being shown to him, but his heart was light as he made his way to the riverside. He actually found himself whistling, a cheery tune his mother had taught him and Octavia when they were little. A smile bloomed on his face when he recalled the determined toddler trying to mimic the sounds, following his lips avidly with her eyes to see how his mouth formed the words. She'd learned it much better from him than from their mother, but that had been a constant in their childhood.

The washing didn't take long; they'd only gone through a couple outfits each over the past few days. He wrung them as tightly as he could and shook them out, then when he returned to camp he laid them over a boulder to dry in the warm sun. After the laundry was done he made short work of finishing cleaning up the remains of their dinner.

By that time the sun was starting to dip low in the sky and he stretched, groaning a little as he made his way to the tent. Between trekking for hours in the hot sun, carrying Clarke part of the way, hunting, cooking, washing, and cleaning, he was finding himself pretty worn out. It wouldn't hurt either of them to go to bed early and get as much sleep as they possibly could.

Bellamy's request for permission to enter the tent was met with silence. He listened closely, puzzled as to why Clarke wasn't responding. He called out again, and again there was no answer. He reasoned that she must be asleep by now and lifted the flap. His heart hammered in his chest when he saw that she was lying on her bedroll, knees drawn up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them, shuddering convulsively.

Alarmed, he crossed the tent in two long strides and dropped to his knees beside her, covering one of her hands with his. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her jaw was locked, but the shaking didn't cease. He felt her forehead and realized she was burning up, and his brain raced to remember what Clarke had ever told him about chills accompanying a fever. He knew fevers were just a way for the body to fight off an infection so he wasn't worried about it, but he was concerned that she was shivering so badly.

Making a quick decision, he lay down beside her and pulled her into his arms before tugging a blanket over them both. After several minutes, the shuddering eased until she was only trembling lightly, then her body seemed to calm itself and she lay quietly against him.

His heart was pounding as he lifted a hand to stroke her tangled hair back from her face. Her skin was pale but she was breathing evenly, which he took as a good sign. Her lips curved up slightly and she snuggled deeper into him, her head nestled against his chest. Her hair tickled his skin and he felt a surge of protectiveness for the tough, strong, fiercely determined woman in his arms. It took so much for his princess to break, and she'd been through hell and back. If he could do this one small thing to make her more comfortable, he would do it without a single regret.

She murmured his name in her sleep and he felt it like a punch in the gut. It seemed like no matter how hard he tried to draw the line with her, somehow one or the other of them kept finding a way to cross it. He resolved that once she felt better he'd start sleeping outside the tent. They were only another half day's walk from the village they were seeking, and once they arrived he expected there would be plenty going on that would keep them separated. He just had to get through the next couple days, and then they'd be fine. By the time they were ready to return to Camp Jaha, this unbearable need to be by her side constantly would have abated.

Or at least, that was what he tried to tell himself as his eyelids drifted closed. It didn't matter that every part of his body was straining toward the woman curled up next to him, exposing the lie for what it was. There was nothing he hadn't been able to do in the past when he set his mind to it; he could do this as well.

As if to defy his brain's iron will, his grip tightened on the blonde strands wrapped around his fingers just before sleep claimed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My post-chapter note from the first chapter keeps appearing randomly in other chapters and I can't get rid of it. If I add a post-chapter note, there then appears to be two-the one from the first chapter, and the new one. Has anyone else had a problem with that before? If so, how did you stop it?


	8. All the Pieces Fall Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: You guys are awesome! I appreciate your support on the last chapter, but don't worry, I'm not stressing the "haters". I just figured I'd give those people a heads up that the things they hated weren't going to change and they were just wasting their time. :) For this chapter and the next, I'm going to include some notes about the names I've chosen to use. The Mainlanders are an amalgam of other cultures-Hawaiian names, Egyptian art, Native American dress, and customs I made up. Here are the pronunciations and meanings of the names in this chapter.
> 
> Eleu (eh'-leu) - alert, lively, energetic, spry, nimble, agile  
> Ohana (oh-hah-nah) - family  
> Malana (mah-law-nah) - calming, soothing  
> Ikaika (ee-kai'-kuh) - strong, powerful

Clarke breathed a sigh of relief when the Mainlanders' camp came into sight. She was exhausted from pushing herself so hard and she just wanted to fall into bed. Being able to sit down, or at least stop walking for a little while, would be a good second choice. She glanced over at Bellamy, noting guiltily that his face still looked like it had been carved from granite. After their heated fight that morning, she wasn't surprised that he was still pissed at her.

_"Like hell we're continuing today. You still feel like shit. Don't lie to me and say you're fine, I know better."_

_"I'm not staying here another day. We've already given up one. I want to get there and get this over with so we can go home," she argued. "I'm well enough to keep walking, so let's go."_

_He crossed his arms over his chest. "Do you think you can fight me and win?" he demanded to know. "Because if you do, you're wrong."_

_"Do you think you can physically stop me?" she shot back. "If I just start walking, what the hell are you going to do about it?"_

_"Pick you up and throw you over my shoulder until your dumb ass realizes it's pointless to try," he replied smugly. "You're still not strong enough to win if I choose not to let you."_

_"Bellamy, why are you being so damn intractable on this?" she asked in frustration. "I'm not some fragile flower that's going to curl up and die if I push myself."_

_"Why are_ you _being so damn intractable on this?" he countered. "The whole thing isn't going to go to hell if we take an extra day or two for you to get well again."_

_"But_ we _might," she burst out unexpectedly, and she winced when she saw Bellamy's head and shoulders snap back as if she'd struck him._

_"Care to explain that?" His voice was dangerously low and she wished she could take back her impulsive words. She really_ didn't _"care to explain that."_

_"I'm not an idiot, Bellamy. I know you wrapped yourself around me like a damn python because I was so sick that night," she said, her own voice low, "and last night wasn't any better. We need to get to the Mainlanders camp before being alone does any more damage."_

_"So what you're telling me," he began, his words dripping acid, "is that you don't trust me not to go too far. When you're_ sick _. You think I'm a cheater and that I'd take advantage of you."_

_"No!" she cried out, but the damage had already been done. Wordlessly, he set about packing up their bedding, the tent, and the rest of their gear. She watched him helplessly, knowing that she'd really screwed up. Of all the things for her to question, his honor was the last thing he would expect, or accept. She knew from his silence that she'd really wounded him, and she wondered if he'd be able to forgive her for the unintentional insult._

They'd gone back to their stilted lack of communication, barely speaking to the other as they covered the remainder of the distance. He never said a word when she stumbled or needed to pause to take a drink of water, although he'd glance at her to make sure she wasn't ready to collapse. His eyes were steel, his jaw locked angrily, but she took solace in the fact that he was still looking out for her. He still cared despite himself.

The tension made the Mainlanders camp an even more welcoming sight than it would have been otherwise. She held a fervent hope that they could avoid each other while she did the diplomat thing, and it would give them both the chance to cool off so their trek home wouldn't be so strained.

He held up a hand, careful not to touch her as he silently warned her not to make a sound. There was a rustle in the trees and she looked at him with wide eyes; he was tense, waiting for their visitor to emerge. When a slight figure, not much taller than Clarke, dropped from a limb, she held her breath.

"Who are you and why have you come here?" the sentinel demanded. Bellamy gave her a warning glance to keep her mouth shut, then stepped forward.

"My name is Bellamy of the Wind People," he said authoritatively. "This is Clarke. We've come to speak to your leader regarding a possible alliance between our clans."

The other person advanced and Clarke was able to discern that it was a young boy. He looked to be maybe seventeen. His skin was as dark as Indra's but his eyes were a bright green color, and they narrowed when he saw her scrutinizing him. "We have no need of an alliance with anyone," the boy said firmly. "Go now."

Clarke stepped forward, despite Bellamy's jaw clenching in irritation. "We are also of the Sky People," she explained, and she knew her instincts had paid off when the boy brightened with interest. "You may not need us, but we need you. Could you please see if your leader will have an audience with us?"

He looked at her closely, still suspicious, but his curiosity about the people who came from the sky was evident as he considered her request. "You stay here. I will be back. If you try to come closer, you will be speared before you can make it two steps. There are others in the trees." He disappeared quickly and Bellamy cast her an accusing glare.

"I thought I made it clear you were to stay quiet," he hissed.

"It worked, didn't it?" she countered. "Besides, being the spokesperson is my job. Standing there and flexing your muscles is yours." She knew the sniping was petty and that in his eyes he kind of had a legitimate reason for being mad at her, but she was tired of being the bad guy. This whole situation was just painful from the start and she wasn't any more at fault than he was. A muscle ticked in his jaw and she rolled her eyes. In some ways, he would never change.

She sat down carefully on the mossy ground, hating to show weakness but willing to admit if she didn't sit, she was going to drop. There was no way of knowing how long it would take for the boy to come back and she needed to rest. She sensed Bellamy moving in behind her protectively, his rifle braced against his shoulder, and she allowed herself to acknowledge that she was still glad to have him there, despite everything.

It only took about ten minutes before the boy reappeared, smiling a welcome. "Ohana says you are to be made our honored guests. I will bring you to her now." They followed him into the camp, noting the looks of curiosity being cast their way. They passed several small thatched huts before coming to the largest one by far, centered amongst all the smaller ones. The boy ushered them in and dropped to his knees, bowing his head, and Clarke and Bellamy quickly followed suit.

Clarke peeked up from beneath lowered lashes and caught her breath at the beauty in front of her. The woman had long, cornsilk-colored hair that came to her waist. Her eyes were the same vivid green of the boy, her lips were perfectly bow-shaped and deep pink in color, and when she smiled, she appeared angelic. "Thank you, Eleu, you may go now," she said, and the boy quickly disappeared from the hut. She focused her attention on Clarke and Bellamy. "You may rise," she commanded in a melodic voice, and they did so. "Eleu tells me you are of two different clans, the Sky People and the Wind People. How is this so?"

Clarke stepped forward. "My name is Clarke, and this is Bellamy," she began. "We lived in outer space, but our home was failing. We were sent to Earth to discover if our people could survive here. We could, so the rest of our people joined us. We eventually merged with the Wind People, and we consider ourselves members of both clans," she finished. She knew she'd likely need to tell the full story at some point, but for now the basics were all that were necessary.

Ohana observed them closely. "We have heard tales of the Sky People. Tales of how you aligned yourself with the Grounders to defeat the Mountain Men. It is said that you, Clarke, are a leader of courage and wisdom, and the Sky People would all have been killed if not for you."

The realization that she was known so far from home floored Clarke, and she was speechless for a moment. Bellamy stepped forward himself, taking Clarke's hand in his, and faced Ohana. "You've heard correctly," he said simply. "Clarke was instrumental in our clan's survival until we could join with the Wind People. Now we seek to align ourselves with your clan."

"As Eleu has explained," Ohana acknowledged. "We will discuss such matters at a later time. For now, you will be shown to your hut to sleep; tomorrow you will be made ready for a welcoming feast. You are to be treated as kings and we will celebrate you being with us. Business will wait."

She called out for Eleu, who appeared quickly and led them to their own hut. There were pallets made out of several layers of dried grasses woven together, topped with animal hides and a large, brightly colored quilt.

Clarke was weary enough to climb onto the pallet and fall into a dead sleep, but she paused when Bellamy headed for the entrance. "Where are you going?" she asked hesitantly.

"I'll be sleeping outside, guarding you," came the short answer.

"I doubt that will be necessary. They seemed pretty happy to have us here," she objected.

He glanced at her, his eyes chilly but not as cold as they had been earlier in the day. "I think it's best for both of us if I'm not in here with you," he said tightly. "I'd already decided the other night not to share a tent with you after you recovered, and your concern this morning proved that I was right."

"Don't be like this," she protested, and he shrugged.

"Come on, Clarke. Don't make a big deal out of it," he said dismissively. He grabbed the quilt and pulled another blanket out of his pack. "I'll be outside if you need me."

She watched him make a small bed outside the door, lying crosswise in front of it so no one could enter without him knowing. Sadly, she burrowed down onto her pallet with the quilt wrapped around her. Exhausted though she was, it took a long time for her to fall asleep.

lllll

When she awoke the next morning she sat up quickly, her eyes immediately seeking out the entrance to the hut; she was disappointed to see that Bellamy was gone. She sagged back onto the pallet, then nearly jumped out of her skin when someone cleared their throat nearby.

Glancing around, she discovered he was sitting in a cane pole chair a few feet to her left. "About damn time you woke up, princess," he said with a smirk. "Everyone else has been up and around for hours."

Embarrassed, Clarke struggled to unwrap herself from the quilt so she could get up and get ready. A hand on her shoulder stopped her. "Relax, Clarke, I was just messing with you. You're still not a hundred percent and you needed the sleep. If you were needed for anything important I would have woken you." He rubbed at his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and Clarke realized that he was even more tired than she had been.

"Did _you_ get any sleep last night?" she questioned pointedly, and the way he averted his eyes gave her the answer.

"Sleep is a luxury for me these days," he said with a shrug. "I'll be fine." He stood up, crossing over to the door and glancing around before turning back to her. "I've been asked to join the men of the village in the hunting and pre-feast rituals. Someone named Malana will be coming to get you soon. The women have their own rituals and you're expected to take part in them."

"Sounds like I won't be seeing you until the feast then," she offered, and he nodded quickly.

"Enjoy yourself today, princess," he suggested, his face and voice softening unexpectedly. "You've had a tough few weeks. These people seem like they play as hard as they work, so let loose and have a little fun."

She nodded as he disappeared outside the hut, then pulled herself from the pallet to make herself presentable before Malana arrived. There wasn't much she could do about her dirty face without any water, but she changed into clean clothes and brushed the tangles out of her hair before tying it back.

A few moments later, a young woman who didn't look much older than Clarke appeared in the doorway. Her skin and eyes were the same color as Eleu's and her ebony hair was tied back in a shoulder-length braid. "I am Malana," she announced, her eyes scanning Clarke with interest. "Ohana instructed me to bring you to the women for our rituals."

"What kind of rituals?" she asked curiously, and Malana shook her head.

"You will find out when we arrive," she said mysteriously, a twinkle in her eyes, and Clarke had no choice but to follow her.

"Do you know what happened to Bellamy?" she queried, and Malana turned to her with a questioning frown. "My partner? Tall, dark brown hair and eyes, muscled?"

Malana's eyes brightened. "Your consort?"

Clarke shook her head emphatically. "No. He's my partner, my bodyguard. We're not _together_."

Malana smiled widely. "Your Bellamy is with our men. They will take him hunting to provide food for the feast, then they will get him ready for the activities."

More questions sprang to Clarke's tongue, but before she could voice them Malana shook her head, indicating she wouldn't answer anymore. Within a few minutes they reached their destination, a large hot springs on the outskirts of camp.

"Clarke! I am happy to see you," Ohana called out as they approached. Clarke blinked rapidly when she realized the woman was completely nude, as were the women around her. Malana began to disrobe and several other women came forward to help remove Clarke's clothes. Clarke wasn't a prude, but she'd never been one to strut around naked. She felt awkward and even a little shy as the women tugged her along.

When they cleared the top of the rise, Clarke gasped at the beauty that lay spread out before her. There were several hot springs, mud pools, a pit full of smoking stones, and wildflowers as far as the eye could see. It was a natural spa, and the women already there were taking full advantage of it. There were women covered in mud, some relaxing in the hot springs, others lounging on the banks or reclining in the grass and flowers. It looked like a place of pure tranquility and peace, and Clarke was more than ready to take part.

"Come with me," Malana said, eagerly taking her by the hand and leading her down to the springs. The two stepped into the water and Clarke moaned involuntarily as the heat spread through her calves and up to her thighs. She waded in further, relishing the feel of the warmth as it crept through her abdomen and breasts. When she'd gone as deep as she could, she was up to her chin and drifting languidly.

"Mmm. I could stay here all day," she murmured, careful not to let the water splash into her mouth.

Ohana smiled as she joined them. "You will," she promised. "Most of it, anyway. We bathe and prepare ourselves here while the men hunt and cook the meat. When the sun starts to sink low in the sky, we will rejoin them and there will be feasting and dancing in celebration."

Clarke couldn't remember the last time she'd celebrated anything. She found that she was looking forward to it immensely. "So can I just sit here for the next four hours?" she murmured blissfully, and Ohana and Malana laughed.

"You will need the mud bath, and to have your hair washed and curled. You will also need a massage, to have your feet scrubbed and softened, and your face decorated. Then you will be dressed and presented to your consort," Malana explained excitedly.

Clarke's mouth fell open in shock and she sputtered when the water rushed in. "Bellamy is _not_ my consort!" she protested. "He has a girlfriend back in our village. He's here as my protector, not my lover."

Ohana and Malana exchanged knowing glances. "You will still be presented to him. What you choose to do afterward is of no concern to us."

Clarke was spared having to reply when several other women joined them. Each carried a bar of soap that smelled lightly of rose oil, and they began to lather the soap through Clarke's, Malana's, and Ohana's hair. Clarke sighed happily and forced the "presentation" issue to the back of her mind for the time being. Like they'd said, nothing had to happen afterward. It wouldn't mean anything at all, it would just be another ritual they would take part in so as to be good guests and show goodwill to their hosts.

The afternoon passed much too quickly for Clarke. The mud bath was glorious and she felt like a new woman after it had been removed; she could barely remember being sick not twelve hours earlier. Her skin was dewy and supple, and she couldn't recall a more pleasurable hour than the one spent being massaged with the hot stones wrapped in cloths. Her hair was dried and combed, then curled in hot rags soaked with the rose oil. While her hair was setting, one of Ohana's handmaidens massaged her feet and scrubbed them, and another drew Egyptian symbols on her face with a thin-tipped reed and a pot of ink.

She also learned quite a bit about their clan. To her surprise, she learned that Eleu and Malana were Ohana's nephew and niece, and Ohana was not, in fact, the leader of their clan. Their father, Chief Ikaika, was Ohana's half-brother, and she stood in as leader when Ikaika was out with his raiding parties. When Eleu came of age, he would stand in instead. Ohana assured Clarke that Ikaika would return soon and they would discuss the alliance. That was the only reference made to it all day and Clarke was happy to let it go and just enjoy herself, as Bellamy had recommended.

The sun was just barely starting to set low in the sky when the rags were removed from her hair and she was dressed. It was a skimpy outfit and Clarke's heart was pounding when she realized this was how she would be "presented" to Bellamy. The cheers and laughter of the women around her, all excitedly chattering about the feast and the celebration to come, caused her anxiety to skyrocket. She'd faced down Grounders, the Mountain Men, her transition to a murderer, and her return home, all with less fear than she had at this moment.

Squaring her shoulders back, Clarke bravely walked at Ohana's side with the women just behind them. She was Clarke of the Sky People. She could and would do anything she had to do. Even if it meant breaking her own heart to protect someone she loved from making a mistake that would break his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided instead of trying to stick to a set schedule for updating, I'm going to post a new chapter whenever I finish writing one. So it may be two days, or four, or a week, but that way I'm updating as soon as I can without blowing through my reserve chapters.


	9. This Life You Gave Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys better appreciate how much I love you (and this chapter). I wasn't supposed to post it until I had chapter 15 done, and I haven't been able to write a word of it yet. I just didn't want to make you wait because *I* can't wait to read everyone's reactions to it. :) The downside means that it will likely be another week before I can update with chapter 10, because I'll have company for a few days and my writing time will be limited. Anyway, here are the name notes for this chapter.
> 
> Pono (poh-no) - righteous
> 
> Noelani (no-eh-lah-nee) - beautiful girl from Heaven
> 
> Koa (koh'-ah) - brave, bold

The sun was sinking into the horizon when Eleu and the other men told Bellamy that it was almost time for the celebration to begin. They'd been roasting the meat slowly for several hours, each of them taking a turn preparing it while the others went to clean the remnants of the hunt from their bodies. He was grateful to have a chance to wash the sweat and animal blood from his skin before Clarke arrived.

When he was finally clean again, Eleu and his friend Pono took him to a nearby hut, pushed him into a chair, and pulled out thin reeds and a pot of ink. They blackened the skin around his eyes until he looked almost demonic; drew sharp, angular lines across both sides of his chest; then completed their artwork with a prominent Eye of Horus on the left side, over his heart, and an ibis on the right.

Bellamy was given traditional garb, instructed to dress himself in a nearby hut, and told to remain there until he was fetched. Eleu had explained there was a presentation ritual, which he took to mean he and Clarke would be formally presented to Chief Ikaika and his sister, Ohana. After dressing, he looked down at himself and grimaced. He wasn't a stranger to being shirtless, but after the tension between him and Clarke the day before he would have felt more comfortable with a little bit more clothing on.

Distant sounds alerted him that the women were returning to the village, and he smirked as the chattering got louder and louder. He wondered if Clarke had loosened up enough to take part in it or if she was as reserved as always. Recalling the few times Clarke had really let loose made his skin feel hot and prickly. Glancing down again at the skintight, calf-length deerhide pants, he willed his anatomy to remain under control; he could be in real danger of embarrassing himself in front of Ikaika and Ohana, and worst of all Clarke, if it didn't.

Amazing smells were permeating the hut and Bellamy realized the food was being brought to the center of the village, not far from the hut he was waiting in. A few moments later Eleu appeared in the door to the hut and gestured for him to follow. "You are to keep your eyes on the ground until you are instructed to lift them," he warned. "To look beforehand is a sign of great disrespect."

He was careful to keep his eyes lowered as he was led into the village. He could sense hundreds of people around him, and his pulse raced as he anticipated meeting Chief Ikaika. He had to make a good impression on the man or run the risk of making Clarke's job more difficult. The sound of flutes rode on the air, weaving in and out of the voices and laughter. Bellamy felt his head almost swimming from the chaos spinning around him.

Then he was told to lift his eyes, and the world fell away, and fire burned through his veins.

Clarke stood facing him, eyes wide, lips parted, and the heated look she gave him nearly brought him to his knees. She was so gorgeous it made him ache; he was certain there would be no disguising his desire. Her blonde hair curled riotously over her shoulders and the spiraling ink designs on her face caused her eyes to pop out vividly. Allowing his gaze to wander lower, Bellamy took in the sight of her half-naked body and swallowed a groan. She was wearing a deerhide bandeau top, with one thick band of hide crossing from the left side to curve over her right shoulder. She wore a sarong-type skirt, with the right side ending just south of the top of her thigh and the left side trailing off below her knee. She was barefoot, glowing, and being presented to him as if she were a gift; the most precious gift he could ever be given.

Bellamy's gaze locked on hers and he could see her struggling to maintain her composure as well. He wondered what he looked like to her, but decided it didn't matter because it was apparent she desired him as much as he did her. His breathing was shallow and he wanted to snatch her from the men's admiring gazes and take her back to their hut, but he couldn't. Even if he wanted to choose Clarke, he could never do so before talking to Onyx first. Not that he was going to choose Clarke. She'd made her choice long ago and he'd made his, and they both had to live with those choices.

He fought to get his breathing under control. Once he felt calmer, he looked around at the eyes watching them. He saw Clarke do the same thing out of the corner of his eye, and when it was apparent to Ohana that they were no longer absorbed in each other, she spoke.

"Clarke and Bellamy of the Sky and Wind People, you cease to be our honored guests," she said, her voice ringing out clearly. The continuous chattering around them died down; the sound of the flute faded away. "We now welcome you as members of our village. When you are with us you are each one of us, and so you shall have our names as well. Clarke, from this moment forward you are to be known as Noelani, the beautiful girl from Heaven."

Bellamy's lips curved in a soft half-smile. They couldn't have picked a better name for his princess. Although her temper sometimes came from the devil, she had the appearance of an angel.

Ohana turned to him. "Bellamy, from this moment forward you are to be known as Koa, the brave and bold. Noelani has told me of your leadership and how you have been the strong one for your people. You are deserving of the name."

He blinked, overwhelmed by Clarke's descriptions and Ohana's faith in him. "I vow to always be worthy," he said, his voice strong. "You do me a great honor."

His gaze returned to Clarke and she smiled warmly at him. Ohana, sensing that the pair were already miles away again, clapped her hands and moved away. "And now we dine, drink, and dance! Celebrate our new family and honor them as you would me or my brother."

The noise erupted again and Bellamy let out a half-laugh, shaking his head in amazement at the way they had been accepted into the clan. "Seems like you worked your magic already," he murmured to Clarke.

She glanced around with a grin and a shrug. "I think our reputation preceding us had something to do with it," she pointed out wryly.

"You mean _your_ reputation," he corrected her, and she shook her head.

"Maybe it was my name, but I could never have done any of it without you. The feats I'm known for aren't mine alone. You always stood behind me."

"Not always," he acknowledged. "It took awhile for me to trust you enough to back you."

"Do you trust me now?" she asked quietly, and he knew she was referring to the previous day. She was asking him to forgive her for the unintentional slight.

He slid a finger below her chin, tilting it upward so her eyes met his steady gaze. "With my life," he promised, and her body seemed to collapse inward as she exhaled in relief. "Now let's get you something to eat. Don't argue," he warned as she opened her mouth to do just that. "Don't forget I know you've barely eaten in days and you were still sick when you woke up this morning."

Clarke grudgingly allowed him to fill a plate with meat, fruit, and bread, and the two of them sat to the side and nibbled on the meal as they watched the villagers dancing joyously in front of them. They didn't speak; neither felt the need to interrupt the moment with talking. Bellamy felt his chest tighten when she sank against him, curling into his side, and he unthinkingly allowed his arm to circle her slim frame. His hand settled on her hip and the warm, bare flesh seared his fingertips. He felt her breath catch in her throat, and she tensed slightly before relaxing into him again.

He knew things were getting dangerously close to going too far, but for now he couldn't make himself push her away. This was their night and he would enjoy it; tomorrow he would begin to rebuild the wall between them. It was the way it had to be.

lllll

The following week passed quickly. Bellamy made a concerted effort to stay away from Clarke, choosing instead to spend his time with the men of the village. When Chief Ikaika returned they met with him and Ohana to tell their story, and at night he would return to the hut only after he knew Clarke had already fallen asleep. Other than that, he avoided being in her presence.

He watched her most nights, seeing the way her brow furrowed in her sleep and how she tossed and turned, and he felt guilty because he suspected he was contributing to her restlessness. Their pallets were on opposite sides of the hut, but even that distance wasn't enough to keep him from wanting to slide onto hers and wrap his arms around her, comforting her so that she relaxed into him the way she had when she was sick. Eventually she would lay still, her breathing deep and steady, and he would allow himself to follow her into sleep.

They had spent the week getting to know their new people, learning their culture and taking part in their rituals. Bellamy had a deep appreciation for his new brothers. They had a simple life, but they worked hard and made the most of it. They loved and honored each other. He would be lying if he said he wasn't tempted to just stay and never go back.

"Koa!"

Bellamy sat up quickly, holding a finger to his lips as Eleu rushed into the hut. He gestured at Clarke, who was still sleeping. It was the most peaceful she'd been all week and he didn't want her woken up.

Eleu fell silent, gesturing for Bellamy to follow him. When they were outside, he let his excitement re-emerge. "My father and Ohana have requested your and Noelani's presence at their noon meal. I believe they are ready to confirm our alliance with your people."

Bellamy exhaled slowly, relieved that their time with the Mainlanders would be coming to an end. He enjoyed being among them, but it was time for him to go home. His place was with Onyx, not with Clarke, and the longer he stayed away from her the harder it was to remember that.

"I'll go wake her up," he informed Eleu, "and we'll be at the meal." Eleu nodded and disappeared as quickly as he'd arrived, and Bellamy walked back into the hut. Clarke was sitting on the edge of her pallet, running a brush through her silky hair.

"Sounds like we're going home tomorrow," she announced, her tone striving for casual even though her face expressed regret.

He nodded. "With the alliance between our people all but secured, there's no reason for us to stay."

She glanced around, her affection for their surroundings evident. "There are a lot of reasons to stay. Just none that trump the reasons why we need to go back."

He remained silent. There were many things he _wanted_ to say, but none of them were things he _could_ say.

She sighed. "Bellamy." Her voice faltered and she set the hairbrush aside, clasping her hands in her lap and staring at them. "When we get home, I'm… I'm going to ask Gem for a new bodyguard on the next mission."

He'd expected it, but it still felt like a blow to the stomach. "Who?" he asked bluntly. "Who there would you trust to go with you, to protect you like I would?"

"Grant. Or Troy. Or Vic."

He gaped at her incredulously. " _Vic_? You'd take _Vic_ with you? He's a fucking mapmaker, for Christ's sake. I doubt he knows which end of a gun shoots the bullets."

She looked up and he saw the sheen of tears in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "Then you pick someone. I trust you to choose the best person."

"Then why can't you trust me to stay with you? Because I'm the best person for this and you know it," he argued.

"You're right, you are. But I'm not the best person for you and _you_ know it," she snapped back. One of the tears spilled over and his gut clenched when she furiously rubbed at it, visibly willing the others to retreat. "If we keep doing this, if we keep trying to convince ourselves we _can_ do this, one of us is going to get hurt. Probably both of us. So for both our sakes, you need to stay home, build a life with Onyx, and let me live my life as the great wanderer."

She was leaving him all over again and he was furious, though only with himself. He couldn't blame her for her decision, but he wanted more than anything to convince her to change her mind. "Clarke," he pleaded, his voice catching. She cut him off immediately.

"Bellamy." Her voice was firm, her eyes hard. "I've made up my mind. If Gem refuses, I'll refuse her assignment and I'll leave. We both know the Mainlanders would welcome me back with open arms."

The threat of her leaving for real was enough to take the fight out of him. "Fine," he said gruffly. "Maybe it's for the best after all."

Her head dipped again and she didn't speak. He stared at her for what seemed like an eternity, but was in reality only a few moments. When she didn't look at him, he finally huffed out a sigh of irritation and turned around to stomp out. "Make sure you're ready by ten to noon. I'll be back to pick you up and we'll head over to Ikaika's hut."

Bellamy didn't wait for her response before storming out. He was so frustrated and angry that he wanted to throw something, or beat something. If he could use his fists, so much the better.

"You are agitated, Koa. What is wrong?"

Bellamy turned and saw Pono, Eleu's friend, as he fell into step beside him. "Nothing I can't handle," he said testily, belying his claim.

"It is Noelani, is it not?" Pono replied knowingly. Bellamy scowled and Pono laughed loudly. "Females have been the cause of all male troubles since time began. This shall pass."

Bellamy snorted. "Isn't that the damn truth?" he muttered. Shaking his head, he added, "This isn't going to pass. Some things can't be fixed."

Pono cocked his head, staring at him thoughtfully. "Do you recall the Eye of Horus and the ibis I drew on you before the celebration?" Bellamy nodded. "Horus was the Egyptian god of the sky. The Eye of Horus is a symbol of protection. We Mainlanders draw the Eye of Horus over the heart in order to protect it from harm. The ibis represents the god Thot, who is the symbol for many things. Chief among them is wisdom."

Bellamy wasn't sure he was following. "Protection and wisdom are always appreciated," he acknowledged slowly, and Pono rolled his eyes.

"Only you have the wisdom to protect your heart, Koa," he said simply. "I have no knowledge of your life outside of our village, but it is abundantly clear that you care for Noelani and she cares for you, and yet you each deprive yourselves of the other. Look to your heart, Koa. It will give you the answers you seek." Bellamy blinked in astonishment, and Pono smiled before taking his leave.

He spent the next several hours hunting on his own, taking down small animals and hanging them on his game belt. As he meandered through the trees, his thoughts were absorbed with Pono's words, Clarke's sad eyes, and Onyx's betrayed face. Once his belt was full of rabbits, grouse, and a couple squirrels, he slowly made his way back to the village. By the time he returned he was no closer to knowing what the right thing to do was.

He dropped the meat off with the tender of the smokehouse, then went for a quick dip in the river. The water was icy as he submerged himself and he wasted no time in washing the evidence of his activities from his body. Once he was done with his bath, he re-dressed and headed back to their hut to collect Clarke.

Bellamy stopped in the entrance when he saw that her back was to him. She was manipulating her hair into the usual twists that she wrapped around her head like a crown, and he watched her work until the task was complete. Clearing his throat, he stepped forward and waited for her to turn around.

"Good timing," she said brusquely. "I'm ready to go." She brushed by him and he followed behind her, knowing there was nothing he could say to make her feel better. Nothing he was willing to say, anyway.

"Noelani! Koa! Welcome to my home!" Ikaika bellowed, and when Bellamy caught Clarke's eye they exchanged smiles. Ikaika was more of a party boy than a leader. Clarke had felt comfortable with him from the moment she'd been introduced to him; Bellamy had lost his wariness soon thereafter.

"Eleu tells us that you requested our presence here today," Clarke said as she accepted a plate of food from one of their attendants, smiling her thanks.

"We've discussed your request for an alliance at length," Ohana explained.

"We generally have no need of alliances with any clans," Ikaika continued. "We are an isolated tribe and are very self-sufficient. We haven't had need of our warriors in many years."

"However," Ohana cut back in, "we have accepted you as our people. You are family now. We knew the stories of the Sky People and their courageous leader, and upon meeting you I knew you were all that we had heard of and more."

Ikaika frowned at his sister. "As I was saying, we have no need of an alliance. But we are a people who stand up for others when called upon to do so."

Ohana rolled her eyes. "What my pompous, long-winded brother has not yet said is that as long as you speak for the Wind and Sky People, Noelani, you will always have our allegiance. You and Koa have united our people."

Bellamy didn't react, but on the inside he was breathing a sigh of relief. The likelihood was slim that they would have been turned down, but until the Mainlanders affirmed their intentions he couldn't be completely confident.

He looked over to see Clarke smiling widely and hugging Ohana. "This is a great day for both of our clans," she said warmly. "As long as your people are friends to ours, you will always have our allegiance as well."

"You are both much too serious," Ikaika scolded. "Let us all celebrate tonight the joining of our people, for tomorrow you will set out on an arduous journey."

Bellamy smirked. These people definitely enjoyed taking any opportunity to celebrate. Glancing over at Clarke unhappily, he acknowledged he didn't feel like doing so himself. In the process of creating one alliance, he'd lost the only one that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What goes up must come down, right? These poor babies. I'm so mean to them. LOL


	10. Let Me Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's support for this story astounds me. I appreciate all of you so much, every review and all the kudos and bookmarks. We're getting closer to what I consider a very pivotal Bellamy chapter, so bear with me for the next few, okay?

Their return home was worse than the first day of their journey. Bellamy was angry, Clarke was steadfast in her decision, and both remained stubbornly silent virtually the entire way. Bellamy hung back from her a couple hundred feet until it was mealtime, then he would hunt and they would eat quietly. At night, after dinner was done and the campsite was cleaned up, she would retire to the tent and he would sleep on the other side of the fire. It was the most uncomfortable five days she could recall since the first week or two after landing on Earth.

The following weeks weren’t much better. Bellamy avoided her once they were home; she heard through the grapevine that he was spending a significant amount of time with Onyx. He’d been restored to his position as captain of the guard once she asked Gem to reassign Grant as her partner. Gem had protested, though to Clarke it seemed more of a token gesture, but when Clarke had been unyielding in her request Gem had relented. Grant was designated as her partner and Bellamy was back on the guard. Grant and Onyx were thrilled; Bellamy and Clarke were miserable. Or at least, that’s what Raven insisted every time she had the opportunity-which, luckily, wasn’t often anymore.

Shortly after they arrived home, Clarke made the decision to take Kane up on his offer. She explained to Raven that she just wanted to stop intruding on her and Wick’s life, but the truth of the matter was she was a lot more selfish than she wanted to admit. Seeing the two of them together hurt because it just reminded her of everything she might have had but lost when she made the decision to leave. Kane was pleased with her choice and did everything he could to make her comfortable. It was odd getting used to sharing a home with him, but she was starting to feel like maybe she belonged there, after all.

One evening, about three weeks after returning from the Mainlander village, Clarke took advantage of the beautiful weather to sketch outside. The breeze tousled the leaves above her head and floated golden strands of hair around her face as she watched the sun sink low on the horizon. Her hand moved rapidly, sketching and shading the vivid colors, the way they bathed the land in a soft pinkish-red glow that would soon deepen into twilight violet. She wanted to get the tones just right before they disappeared for good. 

She was concentrating so fiercely that she wasn’t aware of Raven’s approach until the other woman plopped down onto the ground beside her. “You’re going to wear those pencils down to nubs and then you’re going to be sad,” she warned. “It’s not like that shit is easy to come by around here.”

“Especially because I still have no idea where they came from,” Clarke said with a frown. They’d been left on the front step three days ago without any indication as to who left them there, just a note saying they were a gift for her. 

Raven snorted. “Duh. Ever since you picked Grant to be your new partner, he’s been acting like a lovesick puppy. I’d bet a month’s supply of moonshine that he’s your secret admirer.” She glanced slyly at Clarke out of the corner of her eye. “And I’m not the only person who’s noticed how attentive he’s been to you.”

Clarke pressed her lips together. She hadn’t seen much of Bellamy in the last couple weeks, but every time she had he’d either looked right through her, or like a bear that had been awoken from hibernation a couple months too early. “It doesn’t matter,” she said shortly. “I don’t have any interest in Grant, I only chose him because he was Gem’s first choice for captain of the guard when she assigned Bellamy to me.”

“Doesn’t matter if you like him or not,” Raven replied, shrugging. “Anyone with two eyes can see that boy worships you, and that worship is bound to make a certain someone pretty damn unhappy.”

“I don’t care,” Clarke snapped. “What I do or don’t do is none of his business.”

Raven stood up, rolling her eyes while she wiped the dirt off the back of her pants. “You two seriously need to get your shit together. Ever since you got back you’ve been sullen and bitchy, and he’s been a grumpy asshole. Do us all a favor and just fuck each other’s brains out so we don’t have to keep dealing with your bad attitudes.”

Clarke’s jaw fell open and she gaped at Raven. “I know you want to think it’s just that simple, but it’s not,” she protested angrily. “He made it clear that he’s never going to choose me.”

“Do you love him?” Raven asked bluntly.

Wide eyes stared back at her incredulously. “I don’t know.”

“Then why _should_ he choose you?” she returned impatiently.

“Does _Onyx_ love him?” Clarke countered.

Another shrug. “I doubt it. They’ve only been together a few months, and Onyx strikes me as the type to love herself more.”

“Then why should he choose _her_?” Clarke parroted triumphantly.

Raven’s eyes gleamed. “That’s the attitude I was looking for. Fight for him, Clarke.”

The words continued to ring in her ears long after she’d gone back to Kane’s house. _Fight for him, Clarke._ She couldn’t. She didn’t have the right. She left, he’d moved on, he’d chosen someone else, and he continued to choose her. What right did she have to sweep back into his life and demand that he fall all over himself for her? How could she expect him to break up with someone who clearly cared for him, who hadn’t left him to outrun her demons? She couldn’t. It wasn’t fair to him. He’d been the brave one. He’d stayed. As much as she hated to admit it, Onyx probably _was_ the right woman for him. But God, did it hurt that she herself wasn’t.

“Hello, Clarke.”

She glanced up and smiled when she saw Kane. He must have come in while she was mired deep in her own thoughts. “You’re home late.”

Kane sighed as he stripped off his jacket, hanging it up before settling into the chair across from her. She watched warily while his palms rubbed absent-mindedly over his thighs. “I was in a conference with Gem and Jaha,” he said slowly, and her heart sank.

“Let me guess, Jaha wants to fit me with cement shoes and toss me into the aquifer,” she said bitterly. He barked out a short laugh.

“Of course not. He wouldn’t risk poisoning the water supply with a dead body,” he pointed out with a smirk, and Clarke couldn’t help snickering. She’d been incredibly surprised at how well she and Kane were coexisting, but she liked that she was getting a chance to get to know the man he really was. She’d known her mother had cared about him quite a bit; she was starting to see that man and understand why Abby felt the way she did.

“So what’s the issue now?” she asked, attempting a casual tone. By the look Kane gave her, she’d missed the mark by a mile.

“What it boils down to is, they’ve asked me to curtail your movements when you’re in camp,” he admitted, and she stared at him, nonplussed. “Jaha is upset about rumblings he’s heard regarding people feeling your place is here, and Gem is concerned that your being here is on the verge of dividing the Wind People and Sky People into two separate camps.”

She threw her head back on the couch and exhaled a loud, irritated sigh. “I _told_ them I have no interest in being a leader anymore!” she exclaimed.

Kane shook his head. “I don’t think that matters much to them. Your very presence stirs up memories in the people who were a part of what went down with the Grounders and Mountain Men. Nathan and his father, Harper, Monty especially. I believe they would follow you in a heartbeat. With Raven Reyes and Kyle Wick on your side, you could have control of half this village in an hour if you so chose. That’s dangerous to them.”

“What do I need to do?” she cried, frustrated. “Erect a giant billboard telling everyone, ‘I’m not a leader, don’t follow’?”

He smiled. “I doubt it will come to that. You’re due to leave on another mission soon, correct?”

Clarke nodded. “Grant and I are traveling to the Plainsmen camp in two days.”

“I’ll attempt to do some damage control while you’re gone,” he assured her. “Although if you could find a way to delay your return as long as possible, that would be helpful.”

“Maybe I just shouldn’t come back at all,” she said with a sigh. “I think I could be happy living with the Mainlanders. I had a place there.”

Kane studied her, his eyes narrowing speculatively. “Would you _really_ be happy?” he asked shrewdly. “Something tells me your heart is here, and if you left again you would always regret it.”

“I regret leaving in the first place,” she admitted.

He shook his head, giving her a rueful smile. “The choices we make are what define us, but they do not leave us without regret,” he mused wistfully.

“Sounds like you’re talking from experience,” Clarke surmised.

“When I was a young man, there were things far more important to me than being happy,” he chuckled humorlessly. “I had a chance to be happy. I had a woman who loved me once, who would have lived her life being my mistress just to be with me. Instead, I chose power. I wanted so badly to be a part of the Council, to become Chancellor someday, that I couldn’t risk any attachments. I didn’t want a family. I didn’t want a scandal. So I rejected her, and I refused to let myself regret it.”

“And now you do,” she finished softly.

“And now I do.” He watched her. “There are many things I regret. She is merely the first.”

“You never told my mom how you felt about her, did you?” Clarke asked perceptively.

Kane laughed, shaking his head. “Of course you would know. No, I never told Abby that I loved her. Regardless, I do believe she knew. I just couldn’t be the man she wanted me to be.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you sold yourself short,” she stated firmly.

“For what it’s worth, I believe you’re about to do the same,” he returned. “You haven’t been back that long. You’re a strong woman, Clarke. Hold out a little longer. Don’t give up and run away until you’re convinced that there’s no reason to stay.” He reached out and patted her on the knee before standing up. “I ate at the mansion, so I’m going to bed now. Think about what I said. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like, until you decide if it’s worth having a house built for yourself or not.”

She nodded absently as he headed for his room. Both Kane and Raven seemed to be convinced that she just needed to give it more time, more effort. She doubted highly that Bellamy would change his mind if she stayed, especially if she was disappearing for weeks on end. It would only give him more time to become accustomed to her not being around.

“I guess I can stick it out through another couple envoy trips,” she murmured to herself, as if saying it out loud would give her more courage to commit to the decision. “We’ll see if absence really does make the heart grow fonder.”

lllll

“Clarke!” 

She turned around at the sound of her name, smiling when she caught sight of Monty waving her over. He was sitting on the mansion’s wrap-around porch with a group of people their age; some she recognized from the hundred, others she knew vaguely as being Wind People. _Bellamy’s Holograms, you mean._ She shook her head, clearing the thought from her mind before it allowed him to take root again. “What are you guys up to?”

“We were telling them the story of how you defeated the Mountain Men,” Harper replied eagerly. “We told them about you after we helped them defeat their enemies, but now that they’ve met you they wanted to hear it again. You should tell it, though!”

Clarke balked. “I’m not much of a storyteller,” she protested. “Especially not about myself.”

Monty slung an arm around her shoulder. “I’ll finish,” he said cheerfully. “You should just stick around to help clear up any details, answer questions.” The others nodded enthusiastically, their excited faces staring up at her. It made her incredibly uncomfortable; the rapt attention was borderline creepy.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” she replied firmly, leaning into the side-hug and returning it briefly. She glanced up and caught Jaha’s eye from where he stood at the front door. His arms were crossed over his chest and his lips were flattened into a thin line. The expression on his face was grim and when he realized she saw him, it turned to stone. He turned around and headed back inside, causing Clarke to bite back a curse. The last thing she needed was for Jaha to think she was rallying the troops.

“Don’t be shy,” Miller said lazily from his spot, leaning with his back pressed against the railing. He was shredding a dandelion and appeared not to be paying attention, but she knew his sharp eyes didn’t miss much. “Everyone wants to hear the hero’s tale, from the hero herself.”

She raised one eyebrow at him. “Actually, I would be a hero _ine_ ,” she pointed out dryly, and the others laughed. “Really, though, I have to get ready to leave tomorrow. Have any of you seen Grant, by chance? I need to talk to him before we leave.”

A few snickers erupted and she sighed inwardly. “Give it five minutes, and _he’ll_ find _you_ ,” Monty predicted with a wide smile.

Rolling her eyes, she changed the topic. “Who around here knows how to make colored pencils?” she asked instead, ignoring Monty’s teasing.

“That’d be me.” A petite girl with chocolate-colored hair waved her hand lackadaisically. She was flat on her back with her head on Miller’s thigh, snagging dandelions from his pile and weaving them together as she listened. When she saw that she had Clarke’s attention she rolled over and sat up. “Name’s Lyah. Kinda the resident alchemist.”

Clarke sat down beside her, lowering her voice in hopes that the others would lose interest and go back to their discussion. “Did you recently make a set for someone?” she asked quietly.

Lyah nodded. “Had a request a few weeks ago. Wasn’t the easiest thing to put together, but I did a damn good job.” There was no boastfulness in the reply; she stated it matter-of-factly, as if it was no big deal. Clarke liked her immediately.

“Can you tell me who you made them for?” 

“Why do you want to know?” Lyah asked warily.

“Because they were given to me as an anonymous gift, and I’d like to know who to thank for them,” Clarke explained, sticking with a sanitized version of the truth.

The brunette shrugged. “No clue. The order came in on a piece of paper slid underneath the door, signed with the initials KB. It was there when I got into the lab one morning, so I put it together and when it was ready, I labeled it KB and left it. It was gone the next day.”

“KB?” Clarke’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know anyone with those initials. Granted, I don’t know everyone around here, either. Can you think of anyone?”

“No,” Lyah replied, shaking her head. “I was damn curious about it myself, so I wracked my brain trying to come up with someone who fit the bill. The people I know whose first initial is K, don’t have a last name that starts with a B.”

“Any chance it was a first and middle name, or a middle and last?” Clarke suggested.

Her eyebrows drew together as she considered it. “Maybe. There’s just no way of knowing for sure. I don’t know everyone’s middle names, and sometimes we don’t even know first names. There are a lot of nicknames around here.”

Frustrated, Clarke stood. “Thanks for your help. It’s not much, but it’s something to go on.”

“No problem.” Lyah winked up at her. “It’s my pleasure to help out our resident hero _ine_.”

Clarke laughed as she waved a goodbye to the others. Her first impression was spot on. She really liked the girl.

She was lost in thought, trying to come up with anyone in the camp who might have the initials KB, and she failed to pay attention to where she was going. Her head was bent and she ended up running headlong into a brick wall and bouncing off of it. She was stunned for a moment before she recognized the wall as Bellamy, who was smirking at her in a way that was reminiscent of their first days on the ground. _Shit_.

“Didn’t anybody tell you that you don’t have eyes in the top of your head, princess?” he drawled lazily. She glared at him and went to move around him, but he reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her to a stop. “Can’t I even tease you anymore?” he snapped in frustration.

Clarke yanked her arm back, steeling herself against this particular confrontation. “Obviously you can’t,” she returned, hating the tremor in her voice. “You haven’t been able to speak to me in three weeks, so clearly whatever friendship we had died in the Mainlanders village. Besides, you did exactly what I asked of you. You came back home and are living your life with your girlfriend. Everything is right with the world.”

Having delivered her rejoinder, she sailed past him. It was his soft reply that halted her escape. 

“No, Clarke, as a matter of fact, everything is _not_ right with the world.”

She closed her eyes and took a quick, steadying breath before she turned to look at him warily. The bitter look in his eyes hit her like a punch to the throat. 

“If everything was right with the world, I’d be the one leaving with you tomorrow instead of Grant,” he said roughly. “But I’m not. So good luck, princess.” His tone held a note of finality to it, as if he was really saying goodbye instead of wishing her luck. 

Clarke stared at him helplessly but wisely kept her mouth shut. When he realized she had no response for him, he scowled and brushed by her, continuing on the path he’d been following before she literally ran into him. Her chest felt tight as she watched him disappear into his house, and the sound of the door slamming shut sounded suspiciously like him closing his heart to her, once and for all.


	11. Before the Chance Has Gone

When Bellamy found himself in front of Gem’s office the next morning, he mentally berated himself for being so stupid. The odds were slim that Clarke would show up for the departure notification; after all, when they’d left, Bellamy had been the one to stop by Gem’s office to let her know. Grant would be the sensible choice to do so this time, and Clarke wasn’t likely to accompany him. On the other hand, Grant had been trailing her for weeks. Maybe he’d insist that she needed to go in with him.

He rapped the back of his knuckles against the heavy wood door, requesting permission to enter. It was a sharp, staccato sound that sang through his bones and resonated in his mind. He knew she wouldn’t be on the other side of the door; not yet, if at all. It didn’t stop his heart from beating faster when Gem called out for him to enter.

He refused to acknowledge the hollow feeling in his chest when he discovered the office empty of everyone but Gem herself. “Bellamy. What can I do for you this morning?” she asked, her voice pleasant. There was almost even a hint of a smile on her lips.

He sank down into the chair. “Not much, really. I’ve just had a couple people ask about joining the guard and I wanted to run them by you, see what you think.”

She looked at him steadily. “You’re the captain of the guard, Bellamy. New recruits are at your discretion.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to make a decision on personnel without consulting you first,” he said with a deceptively casual shrug. The truth was he knew he could have appointed anyone of his choosing to the guard and simply notified her later, but it gave him a legitimate reason to drop in. It also showed that he still respected her, or at least that he was trying to give that appearance. He wasn’t stupid; he knew she was keeping a closer eye on him since his and Clarke’s return.

“I appreciate the courtesy, even if it is merely a token gesture,” Gem replied. “Now, who is requesting to join?”

“Whit Anders and Reggie Devlin. Both of them came with letters of recommendation, and both of them are solid guys. Problem is, we really don’t need two more men. When I was gone you guys got along fine without the extra man. Even though we’ll be down one when Grant leaves, we barely need to fill that position, let alone add another.”

She pursed her lips. “I see the dilemma. Do you have any strong opinions about either man?”

“That’s the thing. Whit isn’t really a man, he’s barely eighteen. He’s tough, though. I have no doubt if anything _did_ happen outside our gates, he’d defend us to his dying breath. Reggie’s a good man, older, more disciplined.”

She considered the options for a few moments. “What would you say if I thought that perhaps the best solution is to appoint Whit to the guard, and Reggie to a reconnaissance team?”

Bellamy nodded, sinking back into the seat. “I’d say I agree. Those were my thoughts coming in. Guard duty will give Whit the discipline that Reggie has, and Reggie’s sensibility will be more useful during recon missions.”

Her eyes flickered back to her computer and Bellamy got the feeling that he was about to be dismissed. When another knock sounded at the door his heart leapt, but he willed himself to control his pulse. Gem glanced at him and he nodded, indicating he had no problem with their meeting being disrupted, so she called out to the person to come in.

A flash of irritation passed over his face at the sight of Grant, alone, before being quickly smoothed over. He honestly didn’t have anything against him except for his apparent obsession with Clarke. Even in that he couldn’t really blame the guy. It just bothered him, though he tried to thoroughly ignore the inner voice reminding him that he didn’t have any right to be bothered by it. Clarke could do whatever she wanted with whoever she wanted, and it wasn’t any of his business.

“Hi Gem. Bellamy,” Grant said quickly, nodding at Bellamy, who acknowledged the greeting with a slight nod of his own. “I just wanted to let you know Clarke and I are getting ready to leave.”

“Thank you, Grant. You have everything you need, I presume,” Gem said politely.

“Absolutely. Of course, all we really need is Clarke. That woman can do pretty much anything and everything,” he joked. “I’m not even sure why she needs me, she’s badass enough all on her own.”

“She needs you because she can’t watch her own back,” Bellamy retorted sharply, and Grant’s head snapped back as if he’d been punched. “She’s headstrong and too determined for her own damn good. Last time she would have collapsed from an illness before ever reaching the Mainlander village if I hadn’t had the ability to physically stop her. Can you do that?”

Grant’s eyes blinked wide, like an owl’s. “Jeez, I don’t know. If she wanted to do something I’m not sure anyone on this planet could stop her, except for you of course.”

“Then what damn good are you?” Bellamy snapped, shooting to his feet. “The whole point of sending someone with her is to make sure she actually makes it to her destination in one piece. If you can’t do that, maybe her departure should be delayed while we find someone else who’s man enough to stand up to her instead of drool all over her shoes like an untrained puppy.”

Grant flushed a dark red while Gem lifted one eyebrow. “’We’?” she echoed.

Bellamy took a deep breath, curbing his anger and trying to appear calm. “There are many men here who’ve had experience traveling these lands. We could pick someone from one of the recon teams since we’re about to add Reggie anyway.”

“Clarke’s traveling companion has already been chosen,” she stated firmly, and Bellamy felt a cold weight in the pit of his stomach when he realized he hadn’t changed anything. “I’m going to escort Grant out. I’d like you to remain here and we can continue our conversation when I return.”

Gem led a bewildered Grant out of her office and Bellamy threw himself back down into the chair. His fingers clenched around the fabric-covered arms tightly, until his knuckles turned white. He couldn’t stand the idea of Clarke going out there with that idiot.

When Gem stepped back into the office, she crossed to her desk and resumed her position behind it without saying a word. She appeared to be composing her thoughts. Finally she spoke, in a careful, controlled voice. “You seemed rather perturbed with Grant. Perhaps even unreasonably so.”

Bellamy exhaled irritably. “It’s bad enough that Clarke’s protection isn’t my responsibility anymore. Knowing that she’s now under the care of an overeager kid who acts like this is a game just pisses me off. He’s a fucking joke and he’s going to get her killed.”

“Be that as it may, Grant was Clarke’s choice,” she reminded him.

“Yeah, well, she made the wrong one,” he snorted derisively.

She studied him for a moment. “Are you afraid the same could be said about you?” 

He stared at her, the knot of tension in his chest expanding. “What do you mean?” He kept his voice even, though his heart was pounding. Gem was the last person he wanted to suspect he had feelings for Clarke that he couldn’t deny or control; well, besides Onyx, anyway. 

She clasped her hands on the edge of her desk. “I appointed Grant as lieutenant at your suggestion, which made him the natural choice for captain when your position came open. Had you not vouched for him, he wouldn’t have been in a position that gave Clarke the impression he could handle being her protector. Do you believe you recommended him inappropriately?”

Bellamy smirked. “Like he said, Clarke doesn’t need a protector. She needs someone to call her on her bullshit. She needs someone to remind her when she’s being more stubborn than wise. Grant was the best choice for captain of the guard. He’s not the best choice to handle Clarke.”

“And you are?”

He was aware of the coolness in her voice, but he answered anyway. “Damn right I am. I know her better than anyone here and _sometimes_ she actually listens to me. I have a better shot at keeping her safe from herself than anyone else does, certainly not some twenty-year-old lovesick kid who thinks she hung the moon.”

Gem’s eyebrows drew together in a frown and Bellamy knew he was treading on dangerous ground. “Look, I care about Clarke a lot. For a long time she was the only person I could trust besides Octavia, the only person who I knew had my back without being just as likely to put a knife in it. It’s important to me to look out for her. No one else on the Ark had a sister. I feel like I got lucky because now I have two,” he said, the lie nearly sticking in his throat. On the old Earth, it was illegal to do to a sister the things he’d imagined doing to Clarke, over and over again. “I’m not willing to risk her safety on someone who isn’t able to stand up to her to keep her that way.”

She shook her head. “I understand your concern, Bellamy, but Clarke’s made her choice. Perhaps after they return from this trip, she’ll have decided either to bring you back on board or move on to someone else.”

“I guess there’s nothing I can do about it now, at least not for this time,” he muttered. “Do you need anything else from me?” He was anxious to go say goodbye before they left, for who knew how long.

“No, you may leave. Please let me know when Whit and Reggie officially accept their new positions.”

“I’ll take care of that as soon as possible,” he promised, then quickly headed outside. When he stepped out the front door he scanned the area for Clarke, anxious when he didn’t see her or Grant. Raven watched him with a smirk on her face.

“Looking for Clarke?” she asked knowingly. 

He gave her a warning glance, not at all in the mood to listen to her snark at him unmercifully. “Yeah. I wanted to say goodbye before she and Grant took off.”

“They left as soon as Grant got here,” Raven informed him, turning uncharacteristically sympathetic. “You’re too late, Blake.”

His heart sank as he realized the full truth of Raven’s words. “I know.”

lllll

Later that afternoon, Bellamy was on his way back to his house after notifying Gem that Whit and Reggie had been told about their new jobs. Both men had been pleased with the decision, and he was feeling confident in his placement choices. He was trying to distract himself with thoughts of guard logistics and shift scheduling so that he didn’t think about Clarke, about where she was or how she was doing or if she missed him, but visions of her still flashed through his mind on a frustratingly frequent basis.

“Hey, Bellamy!”

He turned around, catching sight of the girl who worked in the chem lab chasing him down. Leah, or something like that. “What’s up?”

She caught up to him and flashed him a bright grin, one he surprised himself by returning easily. “I was wondering if any of your guardsmen have the initials KB.”

The question set off warning bells in his head. “Why do you want to know?”

“Trying to track down a mystery order,” she said, shrugging. “Just got a request on a piece of paper with the initials KB, and right after I finished up it was taken from the lab. I wanted to make sure it went to the right person and it wasn’t stolen. I kind of take pride in my work, I don’t want anyone out there thinking I don’t get shit done, know what I mean?” 

Bellamy nodded, his mind working overtime to try to come up with someone with the initials KB. He brightened when he remembered someone. “Kel Bering. One of the guys Kane’s recon team picked up a couple months back. Kind of keeps to himself when he’s not on the gate.”

“Great, thanks!” she said cheerfully. “Clarke is going to be so stoked when she gets back.” She immediately bit her tongue and winced.

“Clarke? Why?”

The girl-Lyah, that was her name-flushed guiltily. “Okay, so I just totally lied to you. I know the order went to its intended recipient. Clarke said they were left for her as an anonymous gift but she doesn’t really want the giver to stay anonymous. She wanted to be able to say thank you, but neither of us could come up with anyone with the right initials. If this Kel person turns out to be the one I’m looking for, Clarke’s going to be pleased to be able to acknowledge the gift.”

“I doubt Kel’s your man,” Bellamy said wryly. “I’m not sure he’s even met Clarke yet. Like I said, he keeps to himself.”

Lyah didn’t seem fazed. “It’s still a lead, which is better than what I had five minutes ago. Thanks for your help, Bellamy.”

“No problem,” he said quietly, watching as she returned to her friends, Monty and Miller among them. Monty slung one arm around her shoulders and began talking at what appeared to be a fairly rapid pace. Miller shook his head, laughing, before leaning in to steal a quick kiss from the sassy brunette.

Bellamy felt a smile tugging at his lips. His confusion over Clarke and Onyx notwithstanding, he was starting to feel comfortable in his new home, with his new people. He resumed the short walk back to his house, anxious to get home and have some time to come to grips with everything that had happened that day. 

When someone fell into step beside him, he didn’t even have to glance over to know it was Onyx. “Hey, Nyx,” he said evenly. For the first time ever, he almost didn’t want her there. He wondered if she could sense it.

“Hey, Bells,” she said breezily. If she noticed his cool demeanor she didn’t mention it. “Are you heading home?”

“For a few minutes,” he said evasively. “I just needed to do a couple things before dinner.” 

She nodded. “That’s fine. I only need a few minutes.”

Bellamy bit back a sigh, knowing this likely wasn’t going to go well for him. He opened the door and gestured for her to go inside, then followed. He watched her, one corner of his mouth quirking upward slightly when she sailed into his house and settled onto the couch easily, as if it were her home instead of his.

“You want anything?” he asked, snagging a thick slice of deer jerky to munch on. He hadn’t been able to eat that morning because his stomach had been twisted up in knots, and he was starving. 

“I’m good.” She waited for him to sit down on the couch beside her and turned, facing him squarely. “I understand that you don’t know how to feel now that Clarke is back. I’m not stupid, Bells. I know she was your partner and she was incredibly important to you. I know you care about her. You don’t have to hide that from me.”

Bellamy almost choked on the bite he was currently trying to swallow. Onyx was one of the most direct people he’d ever known, but her words were still completely unexpected. “I never tried to hide it, Nyx.”

She rolled her eyes impatiently. “Of course you did. You were afraid I’d see how you felt about her and get jealous or freak out or give you an ultimatum. The stupid bullshit that normal girlfriends do. But I’m not normal, in case you hadn’t already figured that out,” she reminded him saucily. “I don’t care that there’s another woman in your life who is important to you. I care that you’re obviously putting me first. The rest of it doesn’t matter.”

He stared at her, dumbfounded. She couldn’t know exactly how he felt about Clarke. She had to be thinking that he felt torn between being friends with Clarke and being a good boyfriend. “It really doesn’t matter to you how close she and I are?” he asked slowly, wanting to make sure he wasn’t hearing things.

“Not at all,” she said. “I never expect you to choose between me and your friends. She’s your friend; she was your _best_ friend for a long time. I want you to know it’s okay with me if you guys _stay_ friends. Was I crazy about you two going away together for long periods of time? Hell no. But most of that was because I would have missed you a ton, and besides, I trust you.”

Every word she spoke pushed the knife a little bit further into his chest, and the final three gave it a wicked little twist. She was too good for him and he hated that in his heart, he still couldn’t commit to her as fully as he wanted to. She deserved so much better.

The memory of her argument with Gem surfaced in the back of his mind, and he frowned slightly. She was certainly speaking as if she’d never had her doubts about his loyalty, when he knew for a fact that she’d been concerned enough to yell at her sister about it. He did have to give her credit for never showing that doubt to _him_ , however. Besides, it was easy to get upset in the heat of the moment and think rationally later; there was a good chance she was frustrated at the potential of what could happen, but ultimately recognized that she didn’t have anything to worry about.

_Except maybe she does._

He realized she was waiting expectantly and he struggled to remember what she’d said last. Oh yeah. Trust. “You don’t have anything to do with why we’re not friends right now,” he lied, feeling guilty for betraying her trust literally moments after she professed it. “She was gone for a long time, and the way she left hurt both of us. It’s not easy regaining the level of trust and friendship we had before.”

Onyx’s eyes softened and she scooted closer to him, laying her head on his shoulder and her hand just above his knee. “You’ll figure it out, it just might not be the same as it was before.”

Bellamy felt trapped, like his skin was too tight. He knew it was only a matter of time before _she_ figured out what exactly was keeping him and Clarke apart, and he was going to be faced with a choice he wasn’t prepared to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the Bellyx scenes aren't popular (I don't particularly like writing them, if it makes you feel any better), but if you expect the relationship to end at some point, I need to show how it's deteriorating. I promise there won't be too many more of them. :)


	12. Down the Wrong Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my people, how I've missed you. My vacation was wonderful and I loved seeing my family, but I wrote a total of 200 words while I was gone. Two. Hundred. *sigh* Which means I'm so freaking far behind it isn't even funny. I promised I would post again today, but my next update won't be until I have a minimum of two more chapters written. Luckily for you all, my plan for this week is to write. And write some more. And then after that, I'm going to keep writing. So with any luck, I'll be able to update again in under a week. :)

The first several days of the journey passed slowly for Clarke. Grant proved to be an interesting companion and she was grateful he didn't annoy her by talking endlessly, but he wasn't who she wanted with her and both of them knew it. She felt guilty when she realized that Grant was perfectly aware that she was withdrawn and morose; she suspected he knew why. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't feel about Grant how she felt about Bellamy, but it didn't stop her from feeling like a horrible person for rubbing it in his face.

They fell into a comfortable routine rather easily. It wasn't a surprise because for her there was no tension, and Grant apparently was the unruffle-able sort. He talked cheerfully when he sensed she was amenable to listening and kept his mouth shut when she wasn't. He told her about his life with the Wind People and about the enemy that had kept them in hiding, waiting for Jaha to appear. He spoke reverently of the man and the way he'd saved their people; Clarke grudgingly had to admit she understood the devotion. Jaha had always been eager to play the savior. Unfortunately, he'd gone a little too far with it and was now apparently convinced he was all but holy-she wasn't even sure he didn't actually think that, secretly.

They were about eight hours out from the Plainsmen camp when Grant suggested they stop early and rest for the remainder of the day. "It doesn't make sense to drag ourselves into camp, exhausted from the trek and looking worn out."

The last time Clarke had been instructed to wait, she'd balked and protested. She'd wanted to get to camp as fast as possible because being with Bellamy and not being allowed to be _with_ him had been pure torture. This time, she was in no hurry. Kane had suggested she take her time returning and she was fine with accommodating his sort-of request. There was no reason for her to get back home quickly because there was no one waiting for her. Likely, there never would be.

The thought caused her to eye Grant thoughtfully, watching him while he constructed their tent, whistling tunelessly but happily. He was such an agreeable, easy-going guy. He was the kind of person she _should_ be moving on with, someone the exact opposite of her brooding, stubborn ex-partner. Grant was the kind of person who would always support her, without challenging her every freaking time she opened her mouth. Without arguing, without being hard-headed and belligerent. Without passion. Without understanding why she did what she did. Without understanding _her_.

Clarke sighed. Grant was a great guy, but he wasn't Bellamy. He wasn't who she wanted, and he wasn't who she _needed_.

He gave her an odd look and she realized she'd been staring at him speculatively for awhile. "Is there something on your mind?" he asked, smiling in satisfaction when he drove the final stake in and the tent flap snapped crisply in the breeze.

She shook her head quickly. "No, I was just thinking," she murmured.

"About Bellamy, right?" Grant gave her a knowing grin and her eyes widened. She knew she was transparent, but she didn't expect him to call her on it. "Please, Clarke. It's been obvious since the day you arrived that he was it for you. And if he wasn't so stubborn, he'd know you were it for him, too."

Her brow furrowed in confusion. "You don't seem upset about that," she said slowly, and he returned her puzzled look.

"Why would I be?" At her look of discomfort, he burst into laughter. "So you've heard the rumors that I'm head over heels in love with you."

She flushed a bright pink. "Apparently I shouldn't have listened to them," she guessed wryly.

He sat down beside where she was perched on a fallen tree trunk. "It's an easy mistake to make. I've hero-worshipped you ever since you showed up at our gates," he admitted, turning slightly pink himself. "All the Sky People told us the stories of their leader who saved them from destruction time after time. You're the bravest person I'd ever heard of, and then one day there you were."

Clarke smirked. "I'm just a person, same as anyone else."

"Not even close," Grant protested, shaking his head. "You're amazing. You've already proven that on your own merit just in the two months you've been here."

"Are you _sure_ you're not in love with me?" she teased.

He ducked his head sheepishly. "Pretty damn sure. I, ah, I'm not exactly… You're not my type, okay? _Bellamy_ is more my type."

Now _that_ made more sense. "There's no need to be embarrassed about it."

"I'm not embarrassed. I just haven't told anyone because I don't want anyone making a big deal about it." He snapped a small twig off the tree trunk and played with it, not meeting her eyes. "I only figured it out a couple years ago, and I have this self-defeating tendency to fall for guys who definitely bat for your team rather than mine."

Clarke leaned into him, bumping his shoulder with hers. "We'll fix that when we get back, okay? We'll enlist Raven and Octavia and between the four of us, we'll find every legitimate potential boyfriend in the village."

"Sounds like a plan," Grant said with a laugh. "Now let's talk about you again."

"Nuh-uh." She shook her head vehemently. "We're done going down that route. He's with Onyx and that's it."

"It's not, but I won't push the issue for now," he conceded. He wiggled his eyebrows. "But later you're going to tell me all about what happened between you two that made you decide you needed a new traveling companion."

She groaned. "I have a feeling I just unleashed a monster."

lllll

Their arrival at the Plainsmen camp the following day was a letdown to Clarke after their warm reception from the Mainlanders- _well, after Eleu threatened us with spears from the trees, anyway_ , she mentally amended. Their leader, Nicolai, was a taciturn man who appeared to be in his late fifties or early sixties, and he'd essentially shut them down before they could even really present their case. He'd reluctantly given them shelter for the rest of the day and night, and gruffly made it clear they were to be back on their way the following morning.

"So is this it? Did we really hike for three and a half days only to be told to go away?" Grant asked in exasperation. The two were huddled inside their tent, which they'd pitched just outside of the camp's "residential" area, discussing their next course of action.

Clare shook her head. "There has to be another way to gain an audience with him," she insisted. She chewed her lip while she mentally raced through and discarded various options. "The only thing I can think of is to find out who's close to him. We need to get out there and meet some of the people and make our way to his inner circle. There has to be a son, or a brother, or a partner of some kind. Anyone he'd trust who we can charm, who might vouch for us."

Grant eyed her admiringly. "Now I know for sure why you were so revered by your people. You know how to make things happen and you don't back down when told no."

She deflated a little, even though the compliment was genuine. "Sometimes 'no' is the final answer and there's nothing that can be done to change it," she mused softly.

"You're thinking about Bellamy again." Her eyes lifted and he swore at the sadness in them. "Damn it, Clarke, you have to stop acting like you've been beaten. You haven't been. You've been told no by a grumpy old bastard and now you have to retreat and regroup. Find out how to get past his defenses so that 'no' becomes a 'yes'."

"I appreciate the pep talk," she responded, her lips curving up a tiny bit, "but I don't want to convince him to change his mind." At Grant's skeptical frown, she clarified, "I want him to decide on his own to choose me. I can't actively participate in breaking him and Onyx up. That's not fair to him _or_ me."

Grant rolled his eyes. "You're too damn _good_ ," he mock-complained. "So we're going to table this conversation right now and focus on the task at hand. Should we partner up, or go in individually?"

She considered the question. "I think maybe it would be best if we each made our own rounds," she decided finally. "I don't want anyone thinking they're being ambushed or pressured. Let them think we just want to get to know people a little bit or, worst case, we're bored sitting in our tent and want to mingle."

"And, _break_ ," he said cheerfully, and she glanced at him in surprise. He shrugged. "We still have access to television technology, which means some of those old recorded programs were saved. Apparently football was popular back in the pre-nuclear war era."

Clarke laughed. "We had a game that we used to watch up in space," she admitted, fondly recalling the times she'd watched it with her family. "Okay. Let's spend the rest of the day being charming and making people love us. All we need is one person who will convince Nicolai to give us a chance."

"Then let's go find one."

She nodded as they exited the tent, forgetting Grant almost immediately as she scanned the surrounding area for people to talk to; the nearby cabins were quiet so she decided to take a walk and scout the camp a little bit. She walked for what she estimated to be about a half mile until she discovered there was a small group of people who looked to be her age, maybe a little bit older, hanging out beside a massive lake.

"Hey," she called as she approached, wanting them to know she was there and that she wasn't trying to be sneaky about it. "You guys have room for one more?"

"Depends. Are you a party-killer?" one girl asked, laughing a little too loudly. Clarke saw she had a cup in her hand and from the way she lurched to the side and allowed the liquid to slosh out of it, was apparently drunk. Clarke smiled widely. Inebriated was the best thing she could hope for right now.

"Give me a cup of whatever you're having and then tell _me_ ," Clarke sassed with a wink. The group roared their approval and one of the guys grabbed a cup and a glass bottle, poured generously, and handed it over. Clarke kicked it back and forced herself not to choke. She'd had Jasper's moonshine; she could handle whatever this was. Her action was met with cheers.

"So who are you?" another girl asked. She had long, thick red hair and chocolatey brown eyes. They reminded Clarke so much of Bellamy's that she quickly tossed back another swallow of the alcohol, then another. The eyes started to muddy a little bit and she relaxed. _Bellamy's eyes aren't muddy. Bellamy's eyes are velvet. And perfect. No reminders of Bellamy here. Nope._

"I know who she is," another boy spoke up, his tone insolent. He was blonde, green-eyed, muscular, and handsome, and he clearly knew it. His eyes drifted over her leisurely, taking in all of her assets, making sure he took his time doing so. When he finally met her challenging gaze, the corners of his mouth pulled upward in a sly smile. "You're that outsider who wanted to talk to Nicolai, but he kicked your asses out faster than you can say 'inhospitable'."

His goading rankled Clarke, but her goal was to make friends and be charming, not let loose her viper tongue. She shrugged, taking another swallow. "He's grumpy. He should have some of whatever this is, maybe then he'd learn to relax." The group around her burst into laughter and the boy eyed her with a new appreciation. "My name's Clarke. I'm a member of four different clans, so 'outsider' is probably the least accurate description you could possibly give me."

"Damn, Caspian, you got _told_ ," another boy crowed. He was the same height as Bellamy, with wispy pale brown hair and a lanky build. The blonde, Caspian apparently, lifted one eyebrow in an expression meant to imply that was impossible.

"Enjoy it while you can, Dax," he said smoothly, pausing for effect while he took a drink from his own cup. "It'll be back to being your permanent turn soon enough." Dax rolled his eyes and threw a stick at Caspian, who batted it away nonchalantly. He returned his gaze to Clarke with interest. "So, Clarke of four clans, what are you doing here? Looking to add a fifth membership to your impressive collection?"

She stuck her tongue out at him, somehow knowing the move would endear her to everyone else, if not to him. The resulting snickers told her she was right, and she grinned at him in triumph. "I'm an envoy for the Wind and Sky Peoples," she explained, not seeing any reason to lie about her reason for being there. If she wanted a productive audience with Nicolai, she'd need her champion to know what the hell he or she was talking about. Lying would only get her kicked out faster. "My leader sent me to form an alliance with your people." Damn, did the words _my leader_ taste sour on her tongue. Or maybe that was just the alcohol. That shit was strong.

Caspian whistled. "Ambitious. I like it."

Clarke shrugged. "I'm not really the ambitious one. I just follow orders."

Caspian eyed her knowingly. "Somehow I think the last thing you do is 'just follow orders'. I'd wager that you don't do anything without having your own reasons first and foremost."

She blinked at him stupidly. "You've known me for all of five minutes. You really think you can make that claim?"

"I'm a good judge of character."

They watched each other carefully for a moment, then the redhead jumped in. "Why us?"

Clarke glanced over at her. "My leader keeps her cards close to her chest," she said carefully. "I have no idea what her methods are or why she sent me to your clan in particular."

"It's not like we have a great strategic presence," the redhead mused, chewing on her lip thoughtfully.

"Mira." She looked over at Caspian's sharp tone. "I don't think Nicolai would appreciate you providing information about us to a stranger." Mira flushed and immediately clamped her mouth shut.

"I'm not looking for insider information," Clarke pointed out dryly. "I just want to talk to Nicolai."

"I can get you in to see him," Caspian announced slowly.

Clarke wrinkled her nose. She didn't trust how easily he'd offered that bait up. "How, and why would you?" she asked suspiciously.

He grinned charmingly. "The how is easy. My dad is his political advisor. The why? Let's just say I like what I know of you, and I'd like to know more."

Dax groaned. "Fucking hell, Caspian. You think you could let her sit for an hour before you try to get in her pants?"

Caspian threw him a warning glare, but Clarke giggled. _Shit. I'm not a giggler. Why am I giggling? Oh, right. The alcohol. Fuck. I need to go find Grant, or Caspian just might succeed. Bellamy. Think of Bellamy. Fuck. Bellamy's probably in Onyx's pants right now, why shouldn't I have some fun? Oh God, I really didn't want that visual in my head. Drink some more alcohol. Now._

Before she could talk herself out of it, she tipped back her cup and let the rest of the liquid pour down her throat. She could feel their eyes on her as she finished drinking, then thrust the cup out for a refill. Her defiant gaze locked on Caspian's wolfish one while she waited for Mira to finish pouring.

"To new friends," he murmured, touching the rim of his cup to hers. His eyes gleamed and she felt a chill run down her spine.

"To new partnerships," she corrected, returning his hungry stare. _Bellamy who?_

lllll

It was several hours later when the party finally wound down. Clarke was feeling on top of the world as her new friends waved goodbye. Mira, as well as Reisa and Helene, the other two girls, offered to help her back to her tent. She wavered between making the wise decision to go with them, and the part of her that insisted she stay with Caspian, who looked at her with a seductive promise in his eyes.

"Come on, girls. I think Caspian would hurt us if we stole Clarke out from under him," interrupted Jove, the boy who'd initially filled her cup. He wrapped one arm around Reisa and one around Helene, and Dax grabbed Mira's hand. "Let's head back and leave these two alone."

Clarke knew she was treading dangerous ground and if she was smart she'd yell at them to wait for her and run to catch up. She kept silent as they disappeared but sighed appreciatively when Caspian's arm slid around her waist, even though it was partially to help her stay on her feet. He leaned down and brushed his lips against her hair. "Let's get you back to your tent."

She tried to walk with him, but it soon became clear she wouldn't be able to return to the tent under her own power. Without missing a beat, he scooped her up into his arms and her head lolled against his shoulder. Instantly, it felt wrong. She tried to frown, but the muscles in her face wouldn't cooperate and she was afraid she looked like she was having a seizure. To spare herself embarrassment, she buried her face into the curve where his shoulder met his neck.

Caspian chuckled. "Not used to drinking like a fish, are we?" he teased softly as he carefully made his way over the dark expanse of land.

She moaned. "Not anything so strong," she mumbled against his throat. She fell quiet, not wanting to distract him and end up squashed underneath him because she made him trip. It was only a few minutes later that she spotted the cabins, relieved at knowing her tent was just on the other side of them.

He set her down on her feet a short distance from the tent, letting her test her legs the last few feet. As she stumbled toward it, Grant lifted the flap and sagged in relief at the sight of her.

"Shit, Clarke, you scared the hell out of me," he complained as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I thought for sure my life would be over as soon as I got back home and had to explain to Bellamy you'd gone missing." He finally realized she wasn't alone and brightened, nudging Clarke for an explanation.

"Grant, thiz'z Caspian. New friend," she said thickly, trying to get the words off of her uncooperative tongue. "Caspian, thiz'z Grant. Old friend. 'Cept sort of a new friend, too."

"Oh dear God," Grant groaned, rolling his eyes. "You're shit-faced."

Clarke nodded. "Yep."

He sighed. "It's nice to meet you, Caspian. I'm sure we'll see each other again. But in the meantime, I need to get Miss Drunky here to bed."

Caspian, who had been watching the exchange in obvious amusement, nodded. "I'll leave her in your capable hands." He slid his hand around the back of her neck and tilted her head up, slanting his lips over hers for a brief, but thorough, kiss. "I'll collect from you when you're sober enough to remember it," he said quietly, and there was no mistaking his intent. Tipping his head to Grant, he turned and left.

Clarke slumped against Grant as they watched him disappear into a cabin. They were silent for a moment before he glanced down at her. "You know I'm telling Bellamy about this, right?"

"Oh God," Clarke groaned. "I can't even think about that. I just want to go to sleep before my head explodes."

Chuckling softly, he helped tuck her into her bedroll, still fully clothed. She was asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.


	13. These Thoughts Are Never Resting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this doesn't explain Bellamy's actions so far this story, I've failed. LOL Thank you once again for all your amazing reviews, you have no idea how giddy a grin I'm sporting every time one comes in. I'm so appreciative that (almost) everyone has been so supportive and encouraging, and I have been so excited to share this story with people who love it as much as I do.

"Hey, big brother."

Bellamy looked up, smiling affectionately at Octavia as she sank down onto the ground beside him. He was sitting outside his back door, which was pointed away from the rest of the village. It was the only real quiet spot sometimes and he spent a lot of time on that side of the house when he wasn't in the most sociable of moods. Which, if he was honest with himself, was frequently.

"To what do I owe the honor of your presence?" he teased.

She smirked and rolled her eyes. "I'm checking in on you," she retorted. "You haven't been yourself lately, and just because I'm not around you as much as I used to be doesn't mean I'm not still aware of when you're being moodier than normal."

He made a face at her. "I'm not moody."

Octavia snorted. "Like hell you aren't. Everyone with eyes can see you're moping around this place like you lost your best friend, and anyone who knows you even a little bit knows why."

Bellamy's eyebrows drew together in a frown. "Do you think Onyx is one of them?"

"Does she know you even a little bit?" Octavia sassed. "Duh, Bell. Onyx was probably the first to figure it out. People have been talking about the fact that she's been spending more time up at the mansion rather than here. There are a lot of bets going on regarding which of you is going to break up with the other, and how long it'll be before it happens."

"You told them to mind their own fucking business, right?" he snapped.

She held her hands up in a defensive gesture and gave him a look that said, _don't bite_ my _head off_. "I hear rumors, big brother. People usually aren't stupid enough to say anything directly to me. Or Lincoln. I hear most of it from Raven and Monty, who hear it from Harper and Miller, and so on."

"So everybody's talking about me. Good. It just means I don't have to." He gave her a pointed stare, not-so-subtly telling her to drop the subject. She, of course, ignored it.

"They're talking about you because everyone is wondering why you're with Onyx when you clearly are head-over-heels crazy about Clarke." She stared back at him, silently challenging him to refute her statement.

He considered doing just that, but ultimately realized it was pointless; Octavia wouldn't give up until she knew the whole story and had had her say. He blew out a breath of frustration. "I don't know what to do, Octavia. I don't want to break up with Onyx, I really don't. But she deserves better than someone who can only give her half of himself."

One eyebrow lifted. "She actually gets that much?" she snarked, though she used a gentle voice to do so. "Bell, you're the _only_ one who hasn't figured out that you're miserable without Clarke. And maybe that's not even the right way to put it. I think you've figured it out, you just refuse to admit to yourself that you're with the wrong woman."

Bellamy groaned and threw his head back, knocking it sharply into the side of the house. "I'm not, though," he said quietly. "Onyx was the one who brought me back to life after Clarke left. She made me happy again. How can she be the wrong woman?"

"Look, Bellamy. You know how pissed I was at Clarke for everything that went down in Tondc, and even more so when she left and broke your heart." He opened his mouth to protest and she shut him up with one warning look. "Don't even try to tell me she didn't. You were a shell for a long damn time, and I was furious with her for doing that to you. I was thrilled when Onyx shoved her pushy way into your life because you needed someone to help you smile again. She succeeded. But I'm starting to think she's served her purpose and now it's time you let her go."

"How can you say that?" he asked angrily. "Do you really think I'm that guy, the one who will dispose of whoever isn't useful to him anymore in order to move on to the next good thing?"

She shook her head. "No, I don't. I think you're exactly the opposite of that guy, and that's why you're holding onto someone you should be letting go of." She gave him a sympathetic smile. "Everyone can see that you're miserable. You've been a jerk to everyone on the guard and Whit is even thinking about stepping down, that maybe he made a mistake asking to join you guys. He wanted to be a part of the guard because of you, Bell. And now he's wondering if you aren't the hero he thought you were."

"I never asked anyone to think of me as a hero," he shot back irritably. "If I fail to measure up to these expectations they've built up in their head, that's their fault, not mine."

"You're being a dick," she said bluntly, and his eyes flew open wide in disbelief. "You hate that Clarke replaced you with Grant, you hate that she's out there with him and not you, and you're growling like a rabid wolf at everyone who even looks at you crosswise. _That's_ your fault."

He deflated. "I thought I was over her," he admitted, the words barely a whisper. "I thought she was in my past and I'd finally moved on. And then she showed up here and it was like she'd never left. But she _did_ , Octavia. She fucking _left_ me, left all of us. How can I ever forgive her for that? How can I ever trust her again?"

"And finally, we have the truth," she said, though her tone wasn't as triumphant as Bellamy would have expected it to be. It was almost sad. "She broke your heart so badly you never want to give her the chance to do it again, am I right?"

He kept his mouth stubbornly shut and she sighed. "Maybe you should consider the fact that you love her so much you can't stand the thought of losing her again. From what I've seen since she's been back, she knows what she lost when she left. I don't think she'd be stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. For all the nasty thoughts I had about her after the bomb, I never once thought she was dumb. Okay, so maybe I thought she was when I found out she walked away from you, but she can be forgiven for that because it's not like you were exactly forthcoming with how you felt about her," she reminded him, poking a finger in his chest. "She knows now. _You_ know how _she_ feels. Maybe you should do the right thing by Onyx and let her go, and give Clarke another chance."

"I don't know if I can," Bellamy said honestly.

"Can you live here and _not_ be with her?" Octavia asked pointedly. "Can you watch her move on, just like _you_ have, and find someone else? That is, if she hasn't already moved on with Grant by the time they make it back here."

The stricken look on Bellamy's face was answer enough. She leaned over and wrapped her arm around him, pulling him into her side and squeezing as tightly as the awkward position would allow. "I love you, big brother. I want you to be happy, and I think the only way you ever will be is if you stop fighting your feelings for Clarke and your fear of being the bad guy for leaving Onyx. At least think about it, okay?"

He looked at her wordlessly but nodded, the reluctance plainly written across his face. She kissed his cheek lightly and hopped to her feet, giving him one last sympathetic smile as she disappeared around the side of the house.

lllll

Late that evening, he was on his way back from another guard shift when he saw Monty just ahead. He had a worried look in his eyes and from the way he remained still and tense, it became apparent that he was waiting for Bellamy.

"Hey, Monty, what's up?" Bellamy asked, polite but cautious. Monty wasn't the type to get upset for no reason, so whatever was bothering him had to be something serious.

Monty glanced around to ensure there was no one around to listen in on their conversation. "I just wanted to give you a heads up," he started quietly, and Bellamy tensed himself. "I overheard Jaha and Kane talking. Jaha is really upset with your girl and wants her gone."

Bellamy frowned. "What would he have against Onyx? Besides, Gem would overthrow him in an instant if he forced Onyx out."

"I didn't mean Onyx," Monty huffed in exasperation, rolling his eyes. "Clarke. Jaha is gunning for her. He said if Kane doesn't convince Clarke to leave on her own, he's going to find a way to make her _want_ to leave."

"Why are you telling me this?" Bellamy asked slowly, trying to calm the churning in his gut while his mind raced to consider their options. He knew Jaha had become a control freak and a demi-god in his own mind, but this was getting out of hand. Clarke hadn't done anything and yet he was so afraid of her that he would do anything to eliminate her as a threat, even though the potential for her to become one was slight.

"Because if they try to throw her out, there are a lot of people here who will stand up and fight against that happening," Monty said grimly. "Clarke is one of us. You and she were our leaders, and if she wants to stay, we'll make sure she stays."

Bellamy ran a hand over his hair anxiously. That was exactly what Jaha was afraid of, and if they pulled an uprising then he'd have even more of an incentive to get Clarke out, one way or another. "Keep this to yourself for the time being," he said in a low voice. "Let me go talk to Kane and find out what he thinks. We'll come up with a plan of attack and I'll let you know as soon as we make a decision."

Monty nodded quickly. "Sure thing, Bellamy." He turned to head back into the village when Bellamy placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. He turned back, his face questioning.

"Thanks, Monty," Bellamy said quietly, gratitude shining in his eyes. "This is exactly the kind of thing I need to know."

Monty shrugged. "I figured it was better to have you fighting for her than anyone else. If we lose her, we lose you, and we need _someone_ to be able to stand up to Jaha. Besides, you've kind of been unbearable to be around lately. If Clarke left, I think most of the rest of us would want to follow her just so we didn't have to deal with you." He grinned cheerfully, as if he hadn't just figuratively poked the bear with a stick.

Bellamy blinked as Monty gave him a half-wave and jogged toward his house. Once again, it seemed like everyone was seeing him and Clarke as a pair. In Jaha's eyes, that was probably hurting Clarke more than helping. In Gem's and Onyx's eyes… he was in trouble.

His feet were heavy as he finished the trek back to his house. He was so exhausted and his thoughts were so tumultuous that he wanted nothing more than to crash in his bed. There was a part of him that didn't think he'd be so lucky, that his thoughts would keep his mind spinning for hours before he fell asleep, if he did at all. Most nights he was lucky to get three or four hours, and it wasn't an uncommon thing for him to get none.

The door swung open soundlessly and he swore under his breath, knowing there was only one reason it wouldn't be shut and locked tight. He poked his head around the entryway and bit back a groan of frustration when he saw Onyx sitting on his couch, her feet tucked up underneath her hips. She was leafing through a book, one of the dystopian novels written long before the war that sent his people scurrying into space to survive. He'd been amused at how thoroughly inaccurate their vision had been. Then again, who could have guessed that they'd almost completely annihilate themselves?

Onyx glanced up when he trudged through the door, kicking off his boots and dropping his uniform shirt on the chair across from her, leaving him in his pants and a thin T-shirt. Her face, usually so bright and animated, appeared angry and sullen, and he wanted more than anything for her to be somewhere else. "Hey, Nyx," he said wearily, sinking into the couch next to her. "I thought you were going to be up at the mansion tonight."

"You mean like I was last night?" she remarked pointedly. "And the night before that? And the night before _that_?"

Bellamy didn't bother to disguise his groan again. "Nyx, it's been a shit day. I'm really not up for this right now. Can I please just go to bed and we'll talk about this tomorrow?"

If she noticed that he'd specified himself going to bed instead of both of them, she didn't remark on it. "It'd be nice, wouldn't it?" she grumbled. "But it's not going to happen."

He studied her irritably. "Are you going to pout and throw a tantrum if we don't have this discussion exactly when and how you want to?" he asked bluntly. "Because if that's the case, you can just leave. I'm not in the mood for it."

"That's not it at all, but thanks for acting like I'm a shrewish bitch," she snapped, peeved. "I'm leaving tomorrow. Gem wants me to take the team and investigate some disturbances a couple days south of here. She's concerned that they're making their way toward us and if they're not stopped, they'll cause issues here. She wants us to either squash the problem or redirect them someplace else. I'll be gone for a minimum of a week, maybe even two."

A bolt of relief shot through him, but he would never admit it. "Is that why you're in such a bad mood?"

She sighed and nodded, curling into him. "Yeah, it is. I'm sorry, Bells, you didn't deserve to come home to me bitching at you like that," she apologized. "I know you've had a tough time of it lately yourself. I'm just crabby."

Her apology made him feel worse instead of better. She shouldn't be blaming herself for his frustration and lack of patience with her. He slid an arm around her and dipped his head, pressing his cheek to her hair. "Don't worry about it," he murmured. "Things are tense around here and we're both in bad moods. Maybe this time apart will help us chill out, and when you come back things will be better." He didn't really believe that, but he wanted her to think he did.

"Will they, though?" she asked softly, so softly that he almost didn't hear her. Before he could acknowledge that she'd said anything, she spoke up, this time loud enough for him to know she was actually addressing him. "I don't want to leave when we're both so distant," she admitted. "I'd rather stay here and figure out what's going on with us."

Bellamy took a steady breath. "Stay with me tonight," he suggested, even though it wasn't what he really wanted. He knew he was even less likely to get in a few quality hours of sleep if Onyx was in his bed with him, but if it would give her peace of mind before she left the next day, it was a sacrifice he was willing to make. "I'll make breakfast in the morning before you have to leave, and we'll get to spend some time together, just you and me."

Onyx smiled up at him happily. "I think that sounds like a fantastic idea," she enthused. "Let me run over to the mansion and grab some stuff, and I'll be back here in a few." She jumped up, then leaned back down to wrap her arms around his neck and hug him tightly. "Thanks, Bells. You always know how to make me feel better when things pretty much just suck."

He smiled faintly as she hurried out of the room, feeling his heart sink as the sound of the door slamming shut echoed through the house. He didn't deserve her continual faith in him and the nicer and more understanding she was about his poor behavior, the worse he felt. In some ways he wished she'd be a bitch to him so he could feel like he was doing the right thing to break up with her. Even better, if _she_ would just break up with _him_ he could move on without guilt. Or without as much of it, anyway.

Unfortunately for him, Onyx forgave him for all his faults. She accepted that Clarke was a part of his life and she was one of the rare women who could and would encourage him to maintain that friendship. He had to believe that she didn't truly understand how difficult that was for him and how torn it left him feeling, or she wouldn't be so quick to offer her approval.

Bellamy lifted himself up off the couch and headed into his room to get ready for bed. He moved slowly as he stripped the rest of his uniform off, hesitating in front of the small chest of clothes. With a sigh, he opened the lid and pulled out a pair of thin cotton pants and pulled them on; they sat low on his hips and clung to his thighs, but they were better than nothing. Not long afterward, he heard the door swing open and then click firmly shut. Sliding into bed, he waited for Onyx to appear. He suspected she wouldn't be happy that he was obviously ready to go to sleep, but for her it would also be better than nothing. He almost felt guilty about it, but was too mentally exhausted to bring himself to care.

"Bells?" As he'd suspected, there was disappointment and resignation in her voice. Ignoring it, he rolled onto his side and stretched an arm out toward her.

"Come here." She slid into bed beside him and he pulled her close to him; she tucked her head under his chin, pressing her cheek to his chest. Neither spoke, and it was only a few minutes later that her breathing settled into a steady rhythm and he knew she was asleep.

For Bellamy, sleep was a long time coming. He stared at the ceiling, lit faintly in places by the glow of the moon through his bedroom window. The shadows danced and he swore he could see Clarke in them. The feel of Onyx's head against his chest no longer brought a lightness to his spirit; all he could think about was the night Clarke was sick and he cuddled her tightly against his body in an effort to comfort her so she could get the rest she needed.

When he came to the realization that he could no longer put off doing what he knew he had to do, the tight knot in his chest loosened and he felt himself relaxing. He would talk to her when she got home, and he'd tell her they couldn't go on like this anymore; it wasn't fair to any of them and he refused to continue to be a part of it.

Once the decision had been made, peace spread through him and he closed his eyes, and slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's sad how much I enjoyed writing a fight between the two of them, even though I resolved it pretty quickly. LOL I hope you all were pleased with it, too.


	14. Never Will I Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I'm exhausted. This has been the busiest day ever and I spent half my day out in the sun, either wrangling 5yo's playing T-ball or wrestling the jungle that this excessive rain has caused in my backyard. I say this so you understand why I pretty much have *no* author's notes. I can't think of anything to say about this chapter before you read it. I think you'll all like it, though, so I'll leave you to it. :)

It took another day for Caspian to convince his father to convince Nicolai to see Clarke. It took two more for Nicolai to be convinced. Fortunately for Clarke and Grant, he was willing to extend them an invitation to stay longer until he made his decision.

Those three days were some of the most difficult Clarke had experienced since rejoining the Sky People, which was saying a lot when taking into consideration the emotional struggle she'd been through because of Bellamy. In some ways, her difficulties were still because of Bellamy, although in all fairness she couldn't actually blame him. She was only dodging Caspian's attention because she couldn't bear the thought of being with him when she wanted to be with someone else, not because she thought it would change anything.

Caspian, for his part, was patient with her. She'd overheard Grant the morning after her bout with the bottle, explaining to Caspian that Clarke was spoken for. Caspian had refuted the claim, stating matter-of-factly that Clarke had been more than willing to accept him the previous night, before she'd lost control of her fine motor functions. She'd winced when Grant snorted and told Caspian in no uncertain terms that she was meant for someone back home, and Grant wasn't about to let anyone else get in the way.

She supposed she should be grateful to him for influencing Caspian to back off somewhat, but the thought that she had been mentally placed in a glass case, waiting for her owner to take her out and play with her, was disconcerting. The rebellious side of her wanted to grab Caspian and drag him to someplace private and make it known that she was independent, she thought for herself, and she belonged to no one. The rational side of her knew the rebellious side was just pissed and reacting out of anger would only hurt her more in the end.

Grant's declaration hadn't completely dissuaded Caspian, however, and she still had to put in the effort to make it clear she wasn't going to fall into bed with him. He showed up to escort her to meals, he took her on a tour of the village, and he paid marked attention to her in the evenings when everyone sat around outside to enjoy themselves before going to sleep.

When he sought her out the third evening after their arrival, she braced herself to brush him off once more. He surprised her by reaching for her hand with a broad smile and, curious, she placed hers in his. "Follow me," he said smugly. She was tempted to dig in her heels just to be contrary, but the excited energy surrounding him was impossible to ignore and she reluctantly did as he asked.

Caspian led her through the village until Clarke recognized their destination. She'd only been in Nicolai's official cabin once but it was impossible to forget. When she saw the older version of Caspian standing outside the door, she understood that she was about to be given an audience. This time she did dig in her heels, bringing them both to a stop. Caspian turned and looked at her quizzically. "Someone needs to find Grant so we can go in together."

"No problem," Caspian said with a shrug. "He's with Jove and Dax. I'll grab him and be right back." Clarke watched him as he jogged away, butterflies fluttering through her stomach. She was afraid she'd be turned down and would have to go back home to Gem and Jaha empty-handed. If she did, they might decide she wasn't useful and make her leave. If she left, she wanted it to be on her own terms. She couldn't bear the idea of being forced out in front of everyone. In front of Bellamy.

Caspian's father, Andrei, approached her. "Do not be nervous," he said kindly. "Nicolai is all bark, no bite. I can't promise that he'll do what you're asking of him, but he will not be unkind about it."

"It's nice to know I don't have to worry about being physically tossed out." She shifted her weight onto her other foot as she waited impatiently for Caspian to return with Grant. It only took a few minutes for them to appear, but to Clarke it felt like an hour had passed.

"I will go in to announce you, then you will follow me," Andrei told them. Grant reached out and squeezed Clarke's shoulder in a gesture of support; she put her other hand over his and squeezed back. When they heard Andrei loudly proclaim their arrival, Grant's hand dropped to his side and they stepped through the door, heads held high. Nicolai sat in a high-backed chair, with Andrei standing stoically at his side. There were two chairs in front of them, but Clarke and Grant remained standing.

"I have decided to allow you to plead your case," Nicolai said abruptly, dispensing with any formalities. His thick Russian accent nearly prompted a smirk from Clarke, but she kept a straight face to avoid angering him. Caspian had confided to her at one point that despite their leaders' Russian ancestry, none of them had ever been to Russia. Nicolai had listened to recordings of Russian leaders from the past and studied their accents until he was able to adopt it for himself. Caspian admitted he found it hilariously pretentious. Clarke secretly thought so, too, but wasn't about to voice her opinion to anyone. The last thing she wanted to do was alienate the man she needed on her side.

"My partner and I have been chosen as the envoys for the joined clans of the Wind and Sky Peoples," Clarke stated, her voice strong and carrying farther than the small size of the room required. "Our leader has authorized us to speak on her behalf, and she wishes for our people to align with yours. In the last year her people were threatened by a great enemy and she relied upon the leader of my people to assist them. She now seeks alliances with the surrounding clans to prevent future uprisings and to have a network of support in the event that we are attacked in the future."

Nicolai laughed disdainfully. "Why do you think I would care about the plight of your leader? What would my people have to gain from such an alliance?"

"You would have the combined power of two clans behind you in a similar situation," Clarke explained. "Should you ever be in need of allies, you would have only to call upon us and we would fight for you as if you were our own leader."

"What does this matter to me?" Nicolai returned, bored. "Our people have not been threatened in decades."

"The dynamics of Earth are changing," Clarke reminded him. "Since our arrival on this planet, we've seen clans turn on each other, on their foes, on their allies. We need to present a united front against those who would stand against us. The more of us there are, the better our chances of survival."

"And what do you know of survival, little girl?" Nicolai sneered.

Grant took a threatening step forward. "Watch your tongue," he warned. "You'll speak to Clarke with the respect due her position, or not at all."

Clarke almost blinked in surprise but managed to contain it. Grant was such a genial, happy guy that she hadn't been aware he was capable of such a show of strength. It pleased her that he was willing to stand up for her, but it wasn't an appropriate time. She placed a cautionary hand on his shoulder and when he turned his head to face her, she gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head. She could see by the look in his eyes that he wanted to argue, but she silently stared at him until he reluctantly took a step back. When she returned her gaze to Nicolai she saw that he watched them with interest, new awareness lighting his eyes.

"I apologize for my partner's outburst," she said, attempting a conciliatory tone, "but he isn't wrong. I was given my role as the voice of our people because I've earned it. I've done this many times, and I've always achieved my objective." She gave him a grim smile. "I don't accept that you will be my first failure."

To her surprise, Nicolai let out a booming laugh. "I like your spirit," he said approvingly. "You do your clan proud. Come, sit with me and tell me more of your clans. I would hear about these people with whom I may be aligned."

Breathing a quiet sigh of relief, Clarke sank into the chair and waited until Grant had done the same. "I'll start with the story of my people, the Sky People."

She spoke for an hour, telling Nicolai her history, how they'd been driven into space and the dire circumstances that had resulted in the hundred being sent to New Earth. She talked about their first days on the ground, how they'd made enemies, and later allies, out of the Grounders. She haltingly explained how she and Bellamy had eliminated the threat of the Mountain Men. Unsurprisingly, Nicolai nodded his approval when she revealed the decision she'd made to keep her people safe.

Grant chimed in with his stories of the Wind People and how they'd traveled from place to place in search of a home. He talked of the way they'd been driven out of the place they'd finally chosen to settle down in, hiding and waiting for the prophesied savior to appear. _So_ that's _why Jaha literally thinks he's God_ , Clarke mused, inwardly rolling her eyes while Grant finished describing the battle that Jaha had won for them with his outer-space weaponry. She'd known they looked upon him as a savior, but she didn't know he was hailed as the answer to a prophecy. _No wonder his head is about the same size the Ark was._

When they finished their stories, Nicolai pondered silently for several minutes. Clarke and Grant exchanged a glance; his encouraging, hers resigned. She watched Andrei lean down to speak softly in Nicolai's ear, and the older man nodded thoughtfully. Her fingernails were digging into the arm of her chair and she held her breath while she waited for him to speak.

Finally, he lifted his gaze and looked straight at her. "I am not yet ready to make a decision," he proclaimed, and she deflated. "I saw, however, that you were able to guide your comrade's action with a mere touch and a look. I am intrigued by your power. If you hold such sway over the rest of your people, I think you would be a valuable asset to the Plainsmen." He chuckled. "I have already found you to be a most formidable opponent."

"What do you propose we do now, then?" she asked curiously.

"I have not left my village in years, Clarke," he began. "I know only my own clansmen, and I find myself interested in meeting the people you speak of. We will leave in two days' time. I will travel to your village with you and see it for myself, and I will see how your people respond to you in your own home. Only then will I decide if you are worthy of an alliance with us."

Clarke smiled faintly. _Oh, Gem is just going to_ love _this._

lllll

True to his word, two days later they were prepared to leave. Their group had expanded to include Andrei, Caspian, Jove, Dax, and Mira. The four young adults were eager to travel and meet new people, and Clarke welcomed them. They helped distract her and take her mind off what she would be returning home to.

Grant wasn't as pleased about their new additions. "Caspian is only coming with us to get closer to you," he muttered the morning they were to leave. They had packed their gear and rolled their tent and were waiting near the village entrance for the rest of their traveling companions. Grant was restless, shifting his weight from foot to foot while he scanned the village in anticipation of their appearance.

"He can do whatever he wants," she said dismissively. "I'm not going to change my mind."

"Good girl." He gave her an approving wink. "Don't fall for his charm."

"If I haven't fallen for it yet, I'm not going to," Clarke pointed out dryly. "He's been trying his best for five solid days and I haven't slept with him yet. I don't know why he doesn't just give up."

Grant's eyes gleamed suddenly. "As long as he doesn't give up before we get home," he mused with a sly grin. "I think it would do a certain tall dark and handsome guard captain some good to see how hard Caspian is working to gain your favor."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not interested in making Bellamy jealous," she sighed.

"So? I'm interested enough for both of us." She poked him and he laughed. "Seriously. I hardcore ship you two, and unless I've missed my guess, ninety-five percent of your friends do, too."

"'Ship'?" she parroted, wrinkling her nose in confusion.

"Oh my God, I forgot how isolated you've been. Ship. Short for relationship. Meaning I want you two to get together and I'm not above playing dirty to get Bellamy to pull his head out of his ass," Grant explained patiently.

Clarke groaned. "No, Grant. I appreciate your support, I really do, but I don't want to play games with him. In fact, I'm planning on going back to the Mainlanders after we secure this alliance with Nicolai. I don't belong with you guys; I haven't from the start."

"You can't!" he objected, horrified. "We need you."

She gave him a tired smile. "You really don't. You'll be fine, just like you were before I showed up."

"If you go, I go," Grant swore. "My loyalty is with you. Besides," he added ruefully, "we've already established I'm not likely to find the guy I'm looking for swimming around the small candidate pool I've been fishing in. Maybe I'll have more luck with a different clan."

"Now that's a plan I can live with," she laughed. At that moment she caught sight of Caspian's gleaming golden hair, followed by the others. It only took a few minutes for them to cross the remainder of the village and when he slid into place beside her, slipping an arm around her waist, she gave him a tolerant smile. "Are you ready to walk twenty miles a day for the next three days?" she asked in amusement.

He blanched, but obviously tried to maintain a sense of enthusiasm. "If you can do it, I can do it," he boasted good-naturedly, and she elbowed him in the side.

"Remember you said that when we stop for camp tonight," she said lightly. "And tomorrow, and the day after." She snickered at the look of dismay on his face, but was distracted when Nicolai clapped his hands to get everyone's attention.

"Our guides for this journey have assured us they met with no resistance or danger between their village and ours," he announced loudly. "Be that as it may, we are still to exercise extreme caution and use good judgment. We are not used to the rigors of this type of travel, so look to your own health."

As soon as he stopped speaking he fell into step, taking the lead with Andrei at his side. Clarke had provided them with the maps she and Grant had used during their trip, detailing the terrain and wildlife they'd encountered, so she was content to let them set the pace. She hung back with Caspian, and Grant fell back to walk with Dax, Jove, and Mira. She could feel his gaze on her back, though, and when she glanced over her shoulder he narrowed his eyes at her. She gave her head a slight shake, indicating she was fine with Caspian, and he nodded, joining the conversation with the other three.

They started out at a brisk pace, but within a few hours the Plainsmen had slowed down considerably. Clarke realized they would be making camp much later than she'd planned. She turned to catch Grant's attention but found that he was deep in conversation with Dax. She watched them for a moment, letting a smile spread across her face when she realized that Grant might not need to go to another clan to find someone. Judging by the look on Dax's face, he was pretty well enamored with her partner. She decided not to interrupt them.

Caspian followed the direction her attention had taken and he smiled, too. "Dax is a good guy," he murmured. "Your friend is in good hands."

Clarke looked up at him. "You know?"

"Of course. He figured it out when we were barely teenagers. It's just hard to meet someone when you're part of a small clan that doesn't move around and rarely interacts with others," he explained.

"Do you think he's only interested in Grant because of a lack of other options?" Clarke asked with a frown. She didn't want Grant to be disappointed.

Caspian shook his head decisively. "Dax wouldn't do that. Besides, I haven't seen him this excited about someone in a long time. It's real."

She relaxed at his assurance, resolving to let Grant handle his own romantic matters. God knew she wasn't any good at handling her own.

"So what about you?" Caspian asked casually. "Grant made a point to explain your romantic situation to me, but I have yet to hear it from you. Why is that?"

"Because it's not something I really want to talk about," she returned with a raised eyebrow. "If it was important for you to know, I would have told you."

"Ouch," he grumbled, giving her a wounded face. "Apparently my very personal, vested interest in your availability is irrelevant."

"How in the world could you possibly be vested in my availability? You've known me for less than a week," she pointed out.

He presented her with a boyish grin. "Because I haven't slept with anyone else since I met you. I think that's a record for me."

Clarke made a face and shoved him away from her. "That's disgusting."

"Tell me about it," he groaned with a melodramatic sigh. She couldn't help but laugh at him. He was both grossly egotistical and charmingly down-to-earth. It made for an interesting paradox, and she couldn't dislike him even though she wanted to. "I'm starting to realize I made a foolish mistake, however," he continued. "I should have listened to Grant instead of taking his words as a challenge. At first I thought he was making it up because he wanted to keep me away from you while he mustered up the courage to ask you out himself."

"Clearly, you couldn't have been more wrong," she remarked dryly, and he snorted.

"Clearly. But that doesn't mean I should have disregarded what he had to say," he added, his tone apologetic. "There really is someone back home, isn't there?"

Clarke flinched. "Yes, but it doesn't matter. He's with someone else and I'm not going to stay with them anyway. I'll be leaving after Nicolai makes his decision."

Caspian tsked. "You didn't strike me as the type to run away," he said quietly, and her eyes dropped to the ground.

"I never thought so either, but I'm getting better at it."

She avoided his gaze but the silence nagged at her and she finally looked up to see him studying her. "Tell me about him." She started to protest but he cut her off. "If I'm going to help you get the guy, I need to know what's going on. What's your story? Tell me."

As the eight of them continued to trek across the land, Clarke found herself pouring her and Bellamy's history out to him. And somewhere between then and when they stopped to make camp, Caspian convinced her that maybe it was okay to have a little hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who were hoping Clarkespian would hook up because Clarke deserves her own fun, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I didn't think it was the right thing for her character. For those of you who were worried she *would* hook up with him, you're welcome. LOL


	15. You're Half Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously love you guys. Your reviews, encouragement, support, and love for this story are pure gold, and have amazed me from the start and continue to amaze me now. I appreciate all of you more than you could ever know. Now with that said, I have to disappoint you. I'm getting really far behind and have been struggling with writer's block for the past several days. I'm down to two reserve chapters after this and I'm really concerned about running out because in the past, that has not boded well for me (or my readers). I've been working my tail off to be able to update this every 3-4 days (or at worst a week), but I think I'm going to have to start pushing it to a week minimum, at least until I get caught up. Once I'm back up to having five or six reserve chapters, I'll resume updating every 3-4 days. I hope you all understand why I feel I have to do this-it's definitely not because I want to! In the meantime, I had promised this yesterday but wasn't able to deliver, so I decided to post it anyway. You can expect chapter 16 to be posted in a week to a week and a half. :)

Bellamy waited long enough to see Onyx off before he headed for Kane's house. Their goodbye had been stilted and awkward and he was looking for a distraction as much as he was trying to figure out how to protect Clarke. After knocking on Kane's door, he took a step back and shoved his hands in his pockets, forcing himself to think about thwarting Jaha's plans rather than the look Onyx had given him when she left.

Kane answered the door and smiled widely when he saw Bellamy. "To what do I owe this honor?" he asked genially, gesturing for Bellamy to come in.

Bellamy stepped inside and shut the door firmly behind him, looking around for evidence of another person's presence as he followed Kane into the living room. "Are you alone?"

"There's no one here but me," Kane assured him, though his forehead wrinkled in confusion.

"We have a problem," Bellamy said tersely. "Someone overheard you and Jaha talking yesterday and people are ready to rally behind Clarke in order to keep her here. If Jaha doesn't stop pushing, he's going to cause the very scenario he most wants to avoid."

Kane sighed and sank down onto the couch, bracing his forearms against his knees, and Bellamy followed suit. "That thought had occurred to me," he confessed. "Clarke could have her own army at the snap of her fingers and Jaha knows it. She doesn't want that, but if she was being threatened I don't doubt that she wouldn't hesitate to assume command. Alternatively, if she chose to leave to spare us a civil war, I imagine that many people would follow her."

"Do you think…" He stopped, swallowing hard. "Do you think Jaha would hurt her? We both know he's become a total whack-job and he's always going to see Clarke as a threat. This is the guy who floated people for much smaller offenses, and that was _before_ he started seeing himself as a god."

"I honestly don't know if he would go so far as to have Clarke harmed, but it's a possibility that can't be discounted," Kane admitted grimly. "When she gets back, I believe it would be best for us to put a guard on her."

Bellamy snorted. "She'd flip and you know it. Besides, that would give us away immediately. Our only shot is keeping Jaha complacent, not letting him know we suspect anything."

"Are you willing to give him an opportunity to hurt Clarke?" Kane asked quietly, and Bellamy flinched.

"No," he grumbled, exhaling sharply. He fell silent for a moment, considering their options. "What if I convince Gem to give her another trip immediately when she gets back? And I'll convince Clarke to take me with her instead of Grant. I'll explain what's going on and we'll figure out a way to keep her safe."

"I think maybe you'd better leave the explaining and convincing up to me," Kane suggested gently. "I believe she would be more apt to accept the arrangement if it's coming from me instead of you."

Bellamy glared at him. "What makes you think she won't believe me?"

"I don't doubt that she'll believe you," Kane said patiently. "But if she believes this is your idea, she very well may balk. You know how stubborn she is."

"I know," Bellamy admitted with a frustrated sigh. "She's the most bull-headed woman I've ever met, and I've known a lot of them. I'm related to two."

Kane's face softened and Bellamy looked at him curiously. "I don't believe you were ever aware of it, but I knew your mother. Aurora was a lovely woman. She had to toughen up after you were born and your father died, but she was much gentler before him. I always suspected she had a spine of steel, however, and it's plain to see you've inherited it." Bellamy started to smile, but Kane continued. "There's one thing I hope you didn't inherit from her, though. She gave up on love too quickly, and she settled for someone who could never make her happy because she was afraid of being hurt again. Don't make the same mistake."

Bellamy's eyes narrowed. "That's none of your business," he said tightly, and Kane shook his head, his face rueful.

"Clarke is my business. I love her like she's my own daughter and I want more than anything for her to achieve the happiness I was never meant to have." He fell silent for a moment before continuing. "She made a choice that hurt you both because she felt it was the best thing for her to do at the time. Don't punish her, or yourself, for the rest of your lives because of it."

Bellamy stood up abruptly. "When Clarke gets back home, talk to her about our plan. Let me know when you have. In the meantime I'll figure out what to say to Gem to get her to sign off on another ambassador trip right away."

Kane nodded, apparently realizing that Bellamy wasn't willing to discuss the situation and there was no use in continuing to attempt it. "Very well. If you run into any problems, or if Jaha seems suspicious-more suspicious than usual, at any rate-notify me immediately and we'll determine what steps to take next."

"I'm going to ask Monty to keep an eye on him," Bellamy said suddenly. "The tech lab is right near Gem's and Jaha's offices, so he can tell me if Jaha is acting squirrelly or if he overhears anything." He turned to head toward the front door, but hesitated before taking a step. Taking a deep breath, one that splintered through his chest like fragmenting bone from the enormity of the admission he was about to make, he turned back to look at Kane. "I want her happiness, too," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "And if it's not too late, I want to be the one who makes her happy."

A brilliant smile bloomed on Kane's face. "That's what I was waiting to hear."

"Keep this between us for now, would you? I have to talk to Onyx before I can say anything to Clarke." The open discussion of his love life made Bellamy uncomfortable, but he couldn't risk Kane letting the truth slip to Clarke before he was able to talk to her about it himself.

"You have my word," Kane promised. "Now go talk to Gem. Find a way to get Clarke out of Jaha's crosshairs until we know what we're dealing with."

lllll

That afternoon, Bellamy was at his post in front of the gate when a horse came over the hill, carrying a slumped rider. Blood caked the rider's arm, a few nearly-coagulated droplets dripping off fingertips into the dirt below. Bellamy maintained a firm grip on his rifle as he watched the horse approach, cautiously waiting to find out if the rider was faking an injury in an attempt to overpower him.

Then the rider's head lifted and Bellamy relaxed, rolling his eyes. "Nice to see you again, Murphy," he said sarcastically. "What happened? Did you piss off someone who could actually do some damage to you? Again?"

Murphy sneered at him. "Some dumbass hunter thought I looked like a giant freaking turkey, apparently," he retorted. "Either that or he's really damn trigger-happy. I was looking for food and ended up with a bullet in the shoulder instead. Did you ever find someone to replace Abby? I could use some assistance here."

Bellamy smirked. "We did, but she's not here right now, either."

"Jesus, Bellamy. Can't you stop driving out your healers?" Murphy asked, grimacing. "This arm isn't going to fix itself."

"You're welcome to wait here until Clarke gets back," Bellamy said with a shrug. "Of course, there's no way of knowing when that will happen, so your arm might just rot and fall off in the meantime. You willing to take that risk?"

Murphy barked out a disbelieving laugh. "Of course your bitch princess would show back up, because the sun just smiles on Bellamy fucking Blake, doesn't it? Tell me, does anything ever _not_ work out for you?" Bellamy's jaw clenched, a muscle ticking in his cheek. Murphy caught it and grinned gleefully. "You guys aren't together, are you?" he crowed. "Man, I'd love to have seen her turn you down. Does she know you were totally her whipped bitch and acted like the world ended when she left?"

"You want a bullet in the other shoulder?" Bellamy threatened.

"Don't get your nuts in a twist," Murphy snorted. "It's just nice to know I'm not the only one to get shit on every now and then. Now let me in. Gem will make sure someone patches me up."

"Yeah, she wouldn't want anything to happen to her pet weasel," Bellamy muttered acrimoniously, unlatching the gate and swinging it open. "What in the world do you have on her that she doesn't just kick your ass out of here and insist you never return?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Murphy shot back smugly. He nudged the horse in the flank with his heels and it clip-clopped forward. Bellamy saw Troy making his way toward them so he kept the gate open.

"Anything happen I need to be aware of?" Troy asked as he approached.

Bellamy smirked at Murphy's retreating back. "Nothing of any importance." He followed Murphy back into the village, rubbing the aching muscles in his neck. He was tempted to go for a swim, but the idea of setting foot into the mansion was less than appealing. He hadn't seen Gem since Onyx's departure that morning, and he wasn't interested in doing so until he had to talk to her about Clarke. Unfortunately, he hadn't managed to find a believable excuse yet for why it was essential that Clarke be sent back out as soon as she arrived.

He remembered his decision to have Monty keep an ear to the ground and reluctantly made his way up to the mansion anyway. Everything was quiet and empty between the gate and the mansion, but as usual, once he opened the door the noise erupted. He kept an eye out for Gem and Jaha as he made his way to the tech lab, but neither appeared. He stopped by the chem lab for a few minutes and chatted with Miller and Lyah, watching the door out of the corner of one eye to see if either left their offices. Neither did.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he said goodbye to Miller and Lyah and crossed the hall to the tech lab, opening the door and catching Monty's eye. Monty turned to Raven and Wick, who were muttering at each other in low tones over the pile of disassembled electronic parts in the middle of the table. "Hey guys, you mind giving me a few minutes?"

Raven looked back and forth between them curiously, but Wick, unflappable as ever, simply grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the door. "No problem," he said easily. "We haven't eaten in awhile, we'll go grab some grub and be back in a little bit."

Bellamy chuckled when Raven opened her mouth as if to protest, followed by Wick giving her a patient stare and a negative shake of the head. She set her feet stubbornly and without missing a beat, he swept her up in his arms and simply carried her out of the lab. Bellamy could hear her complaints echo down the hall as he stepped inside and shut the door behind him.

"I take it you talked to Kane?" Monty asked, his voice low. His eyes darted toward the narrow windows on either side of the door, and Bellamy had to remind himself that there'd been no sign of Gem or Jaha when he'd closed the door only seconds ago.

"We've got a plan that we're working on," Bellamy explained quietly. "When Clarke returns, we'll put it into action. In the meantime, we need you to keep an eye out for Jaha and do some more eavesdropping. Let us know if he says anything we should be aware of, if he has any hush-hush conversations with anyone that seem out of place, anything like that."

Monty nodded anxiously. "Do you really think Clarke might be in danger?"

"There's no way of knowing," Bellamy said gruffly, "but we're not taking any chances. We plan on getting her out of here as soon as she returns home until we can figure out if Jaha has any plans of his own. That's where you come in."

"I'm on it," Monty promised. "If there's anything else I can do to help, let me know."

"Just keep this quiet for now. The last thing we need is for Jaha to get wind of anything he perceives as plotting." He tensed when the door squeaked open, relaxing when he saw it was just Raven and Wick. "That didn't take long."

Raven glanced over at Wick uncertainly and he stuck his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels. "We figured we should tell you that Clarke and Grant are back," he said lightly. Bellamy felt his heart seize at the unexpected announcement. "And, uh, they're not alone. They brought back some of the people from the Plainsmen clan."

"One of them is really fucking hot," Raven blurted out. "And he can't keep his hands off Clarke." Wick kept a smile plastered to his face while he jabbed Raven in the shoulder with his elbow. "What? He is. I'm not going to be a bitch and send Blake out there unprepared."

Bellamy swallowed back the nausea that wanted to bubble to the surface. He struggled to maintain an indifferent look, but he suspected by the clamminess of his skin that he wasn't pulling it off. "I should go out and meet them, then," he said, striving for an even, unconcerned tone. "I'm sure Clarke knows what she's doing, but it's my job to assess any strangers for the level of risk they present." He was grateful that none of the others smirked at him or snickered at his obviousness, but the barely-disguised pity was actually worse. Ignoring them, and the pain in his chest, he strode determinedly to the front door of the mansion.

When he swung it open he realized word had spread quickly. Many of their people were milling around in front of the mansion, trying to catch a glimpse of the newcomers. He strained to see Clarke and he finally caught sight of her shiny blonde head standing next to a tall man with ebony hair, who he figured was Grant despite the fact that he couldn't see his face. Then as a few people shifted, he saw the equally shiny blonde head of a man equally as tall as Grant, dipping close to Clarke's face. She broke out into a grin and the man slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close, his lips skimming lightly over hers.

Bellamy ground his teeth together and clenched his fists so hard it was painful. He distantly heard what sounded like a feral animal, and when the people close by turned to look at him warily, he realized the sound was coming from him. As people started to recognize him, the ripple effect moved its way through the crowd and they parted. He felt a bit like Moses when the path to Clarke and her new friends emptied and despite the distance between them, their eyes locked on each other's as if they were magnetically connected.

The sympathy in the eyes surrounding him burned like fire in his gut as he made his way toward the group of people, only two of whom he knew. There were five men he didn't recognize and a redheaded female; he stared them down, refusing to be intimidated in his own home, among his own people.

"Clarke." She watched him warily, eyes wide, waiting for his reaction. "Do you want to introduce me to your friends?" His voice hardened on the last word and by the look in her eyes, there was no mistaking she heard it.

"Bellamy, this is Nicolai, leader of the Plainsmen clan. This is Andrei, his political advisor. They've decided to see our life for themselves before they choose whether to agree to an alliance or not. These other four are Mira, Dax, Jove, and… Caspian." She indicated the blonde who hadn't released his slimy grip on her. "Everyone, this is Bellamy Blake. He's the captain of our guard and shared leadership duties of the Sky People with me when we first landed on the ground."

Bellamy greeted the older two men with handshakes and words of welcome. He turned to Caspian and couldn't help the tight, insincere smile that pulled his lips taut. "Seems Clarke's up to her old tricks, making _friends_ wherever she goes," he drawled insolently. Clarke narrowed her eyes at him but he ignored her, his own never leaving Caspian's face.

Caspian glanced down at Clarke adoringly, not seeming to recognize the surliness in Bellamy's voice. "Damn straight she does," he chuckled. He reached out and grabbed Bellamy's hand, pumping it enthusiastically. "I've heard so much about you," he said conversationally, tipping his head toward Grant. "Mostly from this one, though. Clarke didn't talk much about anyone except for your two leaders. Gem and Jaha, right? Anyway, it's really nice to meet you. I'm looking forward to spending some time here and getting to know all of Clarke's people. Although hopefully you won't be her people for much longer," he added, giving her a teasing wink.

Clarke responded with a sweet smile, but Bellamy's sharp gaze didn't miss the way she subtly dug her elbow into his ribs. Her eyes remained fixed on Bellamy's and he wondered if she saw the ache in them, the fear that he'd missed his chance and lost her right before he was ready to admit that she was the only one he could possibly want.

If she did, it apparently didn't mean anything to her. "Caspian is exaggerating," she said with an amused shrug. "I'm not quite ready to join the Plainsmen." The fact that she hadn't denied the idea of leaving them burrowed under his skin like porcupine quills.

"Are we to be ignored while you chatter on like magpies?" Nicolai interrupted pompously. "Is this how you treat your distinguished guests?"

She snorted. "As far as I know you're the first guests we've ever had, so I'm not sure we even have someplace for you to sleep," she shot back, and the smile that crept onto Nicolai's face belied his self-important attitude. Bellamy saw immediately that she'd wrapped the old windbag around her pinkie. He wasn't surprised, nor, if he was honest with himself, was he surprised that she had Caspian on a leash. He was only shocked that Grant didn't appear bothered by it in the least.

"You'll have more than adequate accommodations in the mansion," he informed them, taking their attention away from Clarke. "I'll go announce your arrival to our leaders, and they'll take charge of your welcoming." As he pivoted on his heel to head back inside, the realization struck him that Jaha and Gem should have already been made aware of the newcomers and made an appearance. What was keeping them?

He headed back toward their offices and knocked on Gem's door. The whispered voices inside immediately hushed and after a few moments, the door opened. Jaha stared coldly at him. "We were in a meeting," he said brusquely. "Return later for whatever it is you need."

Bellamy's gaze flickered to Gem, who was sitting at her desk, frown lines creasing her normally smooth forehead. "We have visitors," he said abruptly. "I don't think they'll be pleased if you keep them waiting."

"It's fine, Thelonious," Gem said as she stood. "We can table our conversation for now. Apparently we're needed elsewhere at the moment."

Bellamy followed behind them, his hands balled into fists at his side. He didn't know what Clarke's interest in the plastic pretty boy was, but it didn't matter. She'd only known him for a week and a half, it wasn't like they'd bonded so deeply that their connection was unbreakable. Besides, Bellamy was finally ready to do something he'd never been able to do before. He was ready to fight for her.


	16. Trapped Inside This World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned how awesome all of you are? I really appreciate how supportive everyone was last week when I explained I needed to start pushing updates out further. Unfortunately I haven't been able to get to chapter 18 yet, which means I'm getting even closer to being out of reserve chapters. If I get to that point, then updates will come as I get new chapters written. Hopefully that won't become an issue, though, since I'm *finally* finished with the Olicity story that was hanging around my neck like a stone, and now I can devote all my time and energy to this until it's completed. For those of you who like Caspian and jealous Bellamy... Enjoy. :)

The second the mansion's front door closed behind Bellamy, Clarke wheeled around and glared at Caspian. "You're laying it on a little thick, aren't you?" she hissed. "I agreed to let you push Bellamy's buttons, not to make him believe I'm about to run away with you."

He shrugged. "It pushed his buttons, didn't it?" he returned matter-of-factly. "If his eyes were knives, I'd have been eviscerated and become a puddle of body parts by now."

"I told you and Grant both that I don't want to try to make Bellamy jealous," she reminded him quietly, not wanting to be overheard.

"And I told _you_ that you deserve to just be appreciated and enjoyed, and if it twists a knife in that dumbass's gut, oh well," he replied easily. "Two days ago you were just fine with letting me flirt with you and treat you the way I'd like to if he weren't in the picture, and now we get here and the first time you see him, I'm the bad guy."

"Because you implied I was about to leave them to go back with you," she grumbled.

He gave her a measured look. "You're planning on leaving anyway, aren't you? What does it matter if it's with me or by yourself?"

Clarke winced, knowing he was completely right. "Just tone it down a little bit," she stressed. "The last thing I want is for this whole thing to take on a life of its own. You know what? I change my mind. Let's just call it off."

"You can choose to do whatever you want," Caspian said, grinning. "But I'm going to play my role like I'm a master thespian. Grant is determined that you're going to end up with this Bellamy moron, although I'm not sure why you want him when you could have me," he added with a wink. She rolled her eyes. "And since my best friend is head over heels for Grant, I'm doing this to make him happy as much as to enjoy myself."

She heaved an exasperated sigh. "Fine. Flirt. I'll play along. But the second you pull another move like that, I'm going to tell everyone you've been trying to get in my pants for a week and a half and even though I keep rejecting you, you won't take a hint."

"Ouch," he pouted. "I can take a hint now. I'll back off."

"Good," she muttered back, flinching when Bellamy followed Gem and Jaha out of the mansion. His accusing glare burned into her like a branding iron and she wanted to turn around and run back the way they'd just come from, but she squared her shoulders and mentally tried to prepare herself for the next round of their "reunion".

Fortunately, Raven and Wick stepped in and interrupted what was sure to be another unpleasant exchange. "Are you going to introduce us to your new friends?" Raven asked, not even bothering to disguise how pleased she was by the unexpected development.

Clarke smirked. "That's Mira, the other redhead is her brother, Jove, the brunette is Dax, and this is Caspian." She allowed the blonde to pull her back into his side. "This is Raven and Wick." After everyone acknowledged the introductions, Grant wisely took the opportunity to excuse himself and show Dax, Mira, and Jove around the village.

Raven eyed Caspian shrewdly. "You're either very smart, or very, very stupid," she said bluntly. "I doubt Clarke would have warned you about her guard slash attack dog, but I'm assuming Grant probably mentioned him to you. More than likely in an effort to scare you off because he wants Clarke himself, but either way, the result is the same."

Caspian raised an eyebrow at Clarke, and she shook her head. She didn't want to spill Grant's news; it should come from him. "Grant's not an issue," he said smoothly, "and honestly, neither is this Bellamy person. If he was, he would have been with Clarke in the first place and not given me the chance to woo her away."

Wick laughed while Raven gagged. "Please tell me he didn't use the word 'woo'," she demanded of Clarke. "If he did, I'm going to slap you upside the head for falling for it."

"He's just trying to make a good impression with his fancy words," Clarke said dryly. "No, he didn't use the word 'woo'. I would have slapped _him_ upside the head if he had."

"Moving on from my rather impressive vocabulary," Caspian interjected, directing a wounded frown at Clarke. "Why do you presume I'm either very smart or very stupid?"

"Very, _very_ stupid," Raven reminded him. "You're very smart to recognize Clarke is awesome and worth pursuing. You're very, very stupid to think Bellamy's not going to rip your arms off and beat you to death with them."

A muffled snort burst from Wick's lips while Clarke glared at her. "I'm not worried about Bellamy in the least," Caspian returned firmly. "I'm not exactly helpless, and he looks like his bark is much worse than his bite."

Raven and Clarke exchanged glances. "It's a good thing you're tight with the resident healer, then," Raven said grimly. "Because he _will_ bite, and it's going to hurt. And that's after his bark damn near blows your head off."

"The big bad wolf is on his way over here," Wick cut in, alerting them all to Bellamy's approach. "Better stop talking about him or we'll _all_ get our heads blown off."

"Please," Raven snorted. "Everyone has been talking about him and Onyx for weeks." Nobody missed Clarke perking up, but before she could ask the obvious question, Bellamy joined them.

"Caspian, why don't you come with me? I'll show you to your quarters in the mansion," he said gruffly.

Caspian smiled glibly. "That's okay, I'll just stay with Clarke."

"I have a feeling Kane would object to that," Clarke pointed out wryly. "I'm currently a guest of his as it is, I'm not about to ask him to let someone else crash on his couch." Caspian stuck his lip out exaggeratedly and she rolled her eyes. "You're pathetic, you know that? Okay, okay, I'll ask."

Raven was eyeing Bellamy with a smirk. "You okay over there, Blake? Your teeth aren't going to crack, are they?"

Clarke's attention swiveled from Caspian to Bellamy, whose jaw was so tight she was surprised he hadn't shattered a few teeth already. "Relax, Bellamy. I wouldn't bring anyone here who I didn't trust."

He glared at her. "I'm beginning to realize that you don't always exercise the most sound judgment," he growled, his fingers curling into fists. "You've known him, what, two weeks? He probably turned on the charm and suckered you in and now you'd have no idea if he was about to rob you blind."

"At least he _has_ charm!" she snapped. "Something you could stand to learn a thing or two about!"

"Whoa, whoa," Wick said, easing himself between the two of them. They were in a classic standoff stance; Bellamy visibly furious, Clarke ready to do battle. "Back to your corners, guys. Take a breather, get a little rest, then you can revisit this tomorrow."

"Fine," Bellamy bit out. "But Clarke, you need to talk to Kane first chance you get. _Alone_ ," he stressed, purposely lifting his chin in Caspian's direction. Then he spun on his heel and stalked off.

"That was _awesome_ ," Raven exclaimed gleefully. "If he doesn't break up with Onyx the second she gets back, I'll die of shock." Her gaze flicked to Caspian, not in the least bit apologetic. "Sorry, new guy. Your turn just got a lot shorter."

Clarke sighed and jerked a thumb over her shoulder, indicating they should follow her. When they'd gotten back to Raven and Wick's house, she finally let them in on the secret. "Caspian and I aren't together," she admitted, and Raven crowed.

"I didn't think you had it in you to mess with his head like that!" she praised her friend. "Are you at least enjoying yourself while you torture Bellamy?"

"I'm not torturing him!" she protested, at the same time Caspian chimed in with, "I haven't been able to talk her into it."

Raven's gaze bounced from one to the other. "Wait, you know about this?"

"Do you really think I seem that stupid?" Caspian asked with a shake of his head. "I'm the one who convinced Clarke to let me flatter and flirt with her around her Prince Not-So-Charming. Really, why does everyone like this jerk so much, and why does everyone seem to think he's worthy of Clarke?"

"You wouldn't understand the history," Raven said dismissively. "This is Bellamy being a stubborn jackass, but if he finally pulls his head out of said ass, he'll treat Clarke like a queen. Or a princess," she added mischievously. She looked at him thoughtfully. "So what are you getting out of this?" she asked suspiciously. "I highly doubt you're just this kind, benevolent fairy godfather out to see fair damsels united with their one true love."

"Entertainment," he replied with a shrug. "I'm not the type to force unwanted attention on a woman." Clarke snorted in disbelief and he raised one eyebrow at her. "I said _force_ , Clarke. You never told me to get lost or knock it off; in fact, I believe _you_ propositioned _me_ the first night we met," he teasingly reminded her.

Raven's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, this is a story I _have_ to hear," she demanded.

Caspian waved her request off. "Later. For now, let it suffice that since I realized Clarke would never succumb to my aforementioned wooing, it would be adequate compensation to mess with the head of the idiot who let her get away. Simultaneously, I get to do exactly what I want, which is ply her with flattery and charm. Because who knows? Maybe she'll realize Bellamy is a lost cause and she overlooked a diamond in the rough." He flashed a grin her way and she groaned.

"You're going to give me a toothache with all that sugar," she warned him with a grimace.

"You're lucky if that's all that you get. I think it's going to make me puke."

Four heads swiveled to look at the front door, which had opened without their notice. "What the fuck are you doing in my house, Murphy?" Raven fumed. "I thought it was common knowledge that weasels are rodents and rodents aren't welcome indoors."

Murphy held one hand up defensively, a sneer planted on his face. "I'm just here for Clarke. Grant said he saw her come in here with you guys and I need her to look at my shoulder. This bullet has been in here for a couple days and I'd really like for it to not be."

"Gee, my heart bleeds for you," she shot back. "Considering the bullet _you_ lodged in _my_ spine was in there for months, you'll excuse me if I'm all out of fucks to give."

Clarke sighed. "As much as I agree with you, I did kind of take an oath to help anyone in medical need."

"You're not a real M.D. You never actually took the Hippocratic oath. I think you can make an exception this time," Raven insisted, glaring at Murphy.

Clarke and Wick chuckled at the look of outrage that bloomed on Murphy's face. "I don't get to determine which lives are worth saving," she said ruefully. "Otherwise I just might." She turned to Caspian. "Why don't you go find Grant and Dax and the others? I don't know how long I'll be."

Caspian nodded agreeably, slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her in for a brief kiss before she could protest. "I'll see you later."

"You remember we're not _actually_ together, right?" she asked dryly, ignoring the sound of Murphy gagging beside her. She winced. _Shit, he heard everything._ She turned to him, glaring more malevolently than even Raven had achieved. "You say a word of this to anyone and I'll slip poisonous herbs in your food."

"Like I give a rat's ass about your love life," Murphy snorted. "I'll be out of here again within a few days anyway, guarantee it. Besides, the more Bellamy suffers the happier I am, so I'll gladly allow him to go on thinking you're spending happily-ever-after with Prince Plastic over here."

She gave him a withering look at the slight, but she gestured for him to follow her back up to the mansion anyway. "So what are you doing here? Bellamy said you only show up every once in awhile, and most of the rest of the time you're off doing your own thing."

"Oh, so King Bellamy deigned to talk about a lowly serf like me?" he replied sarcastically. "I'm honored."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Answer the question, Murphy."

He shrugged. "Isn't it obvious? I got shot. I was closer to here than I was anywhere else with medical supplies. It made sense to come back and have someone remove the bullet before I went back out. Plus I'm starving."

"Why did Raven call you a weasel?"

"Oh, like Reyes doesn't already have a dozen reasons to hate me. What makes you think it isn't just one of her normal witty nicknames?" he retorted.

"Why do you like making me repeat myself? Answer the damn question." It was obvious to Clarke that he didn't want to talk about it, and that made her even more curious.

"Because I got myself in good with Gem and Jaha," he admitted. "I run correspondence for Gem sometimes when she asks me to, and I keep an eye out to make sure no one's planning any shit against her. She's kind of a paranoid whack job sometimes, but it pays to be on her good side, so what the hell do I care?"

Clarke narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. It was good information to have in her back pocket, although admittedly she wasn't sure there was anything she could do with it for the moment. By that time they'd reached the mansion and she shook it off, preparing to extract the bullet and maybe poke the wound a little bit. He might have given up the info she was after, but Murphy was still a total asshole, after all. He kind of deserved a sharp poke with _something_.

lllll

She left the med bay an hour and a half later, having taken the time to clean up and just have a little bit of time to herself. Everything in her life was beginning to wear on her and she was finding herself more and more anxious to leave. The old Clarke would have met the challenges head on. The new-ish Clarke was just tired. Between constantly having to be on guard against Gem and Jaha, fighting her feelings for Bellamy and watching him fight his for her, being the face of their combined clans, and now fending off Caspian's attentions-admittedly entertaining as he was-she was almost to her limit.

As if to taunt her, Gem and Jaha stepped out of their offices just as she closed the med bay door behind her. She squelched a groan of frustration and pasted a pleasant smile on her face as they drew abreast of her. "Are Nicolai and Andrei all settled in?" she inquired, more out of a need to say something polite than real curiosity. If they weren't, they'd find her and Nicolai would belt out a booming complaint, she was sure.

"Our guests are comfortable," Gem asserted, but Clarke's eyes were drawn to the cold expression on Jaha's face and she barely acknowledged the response.

"It seems that you're working your way back into a position of authority," he said tightly. "So much for your claims that you're not interested in resuming leadership of my people."

"I'm _not_ ," Clarke shot back heatedly. "How many times do I have to swear it?"

"Actions speak louder than words," he replied grimly. "Your actions tell me you're plotting behind my back, gathering my people in support of your takeover, convincing other clans that you're our leader. I won't stand for it."

"When did you become such a paranoid old man, Thelonious?" Clarke cried. "This is crazy!"

"Thelonious." Kane's sharp voice interrupted their argument and Clarke slumped in relief. "Let me take care of this."

"Please do so," Jaha replied, his tone glacial. "And this time if you don't, I'll be forced to take further action."

"Clarke, with me, please." She shot Jaha a bewildered look as Kane led her away, quickly moving through the mansion to the front door. "What are you doing, antagonizing him? You're on shaky ground here as it is."

"He attacked me out of nowhere!" she protested hotly. "I'd only gone in to fix Murphy's shoulder, and next thing I know I'm being accused of a hostile takeover."

Kane sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I think you need to leave," he said quietly, and her heart plummeted. "This hunger for power is slowly driving Thelonious mad, and I'm afraid he's so obsessed that he'd be willing to hurt you in order to avoid losing it."

"I don't want to leave," she said suddenly, knowing it was true. She was stronger than she was giving herself credit for, and she didn't want to run away just because she couldn't be with the man she wanted. She wasn't the first one to not have love work out in her favor and she wouldn't be the last. Weakness wouldn't make her abandon her friends for a second time.

"It wouldn't be for good," he assured her. "Bellamy thinks he can convince Gem to send you out on another trip immediately, to get you out of here for awhile so tempers can ease. Bringing back the Plainsmen hurt your cause, and while I understand why you had to, it's in your best interest to separate yourself from that mistake."

Clarke's eyes narrowed. "So Bellamy wants me out of here," she stated flatly. "Why am I not surprised?"

"He's concerned about your safety, as am I," Kane argued. "He's so worried that he refused to consider letting you go with someone else. He wants to be with you, to protect you."

She shook her head. "I won't be driven out," she said firmly. "Besides, Bellamy isn't my protector, not anymore. I can handle Gem and Jaha."

"Don't be stubborn at the expense of your safety," he demanded. "You have people here who love you and we don't want to see anything happen to you. We can't be sure that Jaha is sane enough to resist the temptation to get rid of you permanently."

Clarke crossed her arms over her chest resolutely. The glint in her eyes made it clear she wouldn't be backing down. "He can try, but he'll never succeed. My people will stand behind me if I ask them to. Maybe it's time I did."

"You could be starting another war," Kane reminded her quietly. "Are you really prepared for the consequences?"

"He hasn't given me another choice. If it comes to war, he has no one to blame but himself."

Kane sighed. "Then at least do me a favor. Talk to Bellamy. Let him help you. The two of you were a formidable force before and you can be so again."

"If it becomes necessary, I will," she agreed reluctantly.

"May I make a suggestion? Talk to him anyway. You're not the only one who's hurting," he said gently.

"I repeat, he has no one to blame but himself."

He scowled at her in frustration. "Stop being so damn mulish and take the advice of a man who's been there, done that, and suffered the consequences ever since. Don't let pride and hurt feelings prevent you from being happy. Go talk to him, Clarke."

"If it will get you to stop nagging, I will," she grumbled. "But not today. I'm exhausted, and I have guests to entertain. Bellamy's waited over a year, he can wait a few more days."

"I can accept that," Kane acquiesced. He smiled suddenly in an obvious attempt to lighten the mood. "Why don't you introduce me to everyone now? I'd like to meet your new friends."

"Yes, Dad," she teased, and was immediately struck by the understanding that they'd truly fallen into a close, familial relationship, unexpected though it was. She wouldn't admit it aloud, but she was pleased by the realization. Judging from the expression on Kane's face, he was, too.

"Yes, dear," he teased back, and she relaxed. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a light squeeze, and the two headed out to find Grant, Caspian, and their new friends.


	17. Can't Escape These Things Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! I hope all my fellow Americans had a great 4th of July weekend. :) I'm so excited to tell you that my writer's block *finally* broke, and not only did I get chapter 18 written, but 19 as well! There's some good stuff coming up, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. :) I plan on updating again in a week, to hopefully give me a chance to get another couple chapters written. I have chapter 20 fully plotted out so I've got my fingers crossed I'll be able to meet my goal. LOL

Bellamy was trying to rein in his temper, but it wasn't easy. He'd been pissed from the moment Kane explained that Clarke was refusing to leave the village and was ready to challenge Jaha. Her stubbornness was going to be the death of him, and he was itching to get in her face and tell her exactly what an idiot she was being.

But first, he had to find her.

The only thing Kane had told him was that she'd left the house early that morning. Bellamy figured she was at Raven and Wick's place, as he'd heard through the grapevine-i.e., Monty-that they were allowing Caspian to stay with them instead of in the mansion with everyone else. Bellamy couldn't figure out why he'd want to sleep on a couch instead of a bed in a nice room, but the man clearly wasn't known for his intelligence.

He was only a few houses away when the front door opened and Clarke emerged. The sight of her fired his blood, albeit in an entirely different way than thoughts of her had just a few moments earlier. He almost forgot why he was angry with her, and then Caspian appeared as well. He came to a full stop, his stomach sinking sickeningly when Caspian's arms slid around her from behind and his lips caressed the shell of her ear. He knew he couldn't go anywhere near the two of them or he'd end up making an ass of himself.

Making an abrupt decision, he wheeled around and ducked between two houses, taking a backyard path up to the mansion. Grant had been staying there with the Plainsmen for the past two days, and Bellamy figured it was time he learned just what the hell had happened after Clarke and Grant arrived at their camp. There had to be some explanation for why Clarke was allowing that blonde leech to cling to her.

He didn't have to look hard. Grant and his new friends were eating breakfast on the porch, all of them sitting cross-legged with plates of eggs and fruit in their laps. "Grant!" he barked, and the raven-haired young man jumped, spilling the contents of his plate. "I need to talk to you. Now."

The brunette kid, Dax, scowled up at him. "According to everyone I've talked to you're pretty much king around here, but that doesn't give you the right to be a dick and expect everyone to ask how high when you say 'jump'," he accused.

Bellamy paused, feeling properly chastised. "Sorry," he said gruffly. "Do you have a few minutes, Grant? It's important."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Grant said hurriedly, tossing the remnants of his breakfast back onto his plate and setting it down. "I'll be back in a few, guys." He stood up and followed Bellamy, who remained silent until they reached his house. He led Grant around back to his quiet spot.

"I need you to tell me what happened at the Plainsmen camp," Bellamy said in a low voice. "Everything. From when you arrived until when you left."

Grant blinked. "Um, that's a lot. Are you really sure you want everything?"

Bellamy huffed out an impatient breath. "Not _everything_. Just everything to do with Caspian."

"You mean everything between Caspian and Clarke," Grant realized, a slow grin spreading across his handsome face. He didn't flinch when Bellamy glared at him, only raising one eyebrow in mild amusement. "It started the first night we got there. Nicolai refused to see us, so we decided to find someone who could get us an in with him. Clarke stumbled across Caspian, Dax, Jove, Mira, and a couple others. They were all drinking, so she joined in, and she drank a little too much."

Bellamy's fists clenched until his fingers turned white. "And then?"

"I don't know, I wasn't with her. I circled around for awhile and struck out with pretty much everyone I encountered, because none of them wanted to piss Nicolai off by talking with the outsiders he'd rejected. So I went back to the tent and waited for her. When she showed up, she was tripping over both her feet and her tongue. Caspian was with her; that was the first time I met him. Apparently Clarke got so hammered that she couldn't even walk on her own, so he carried her back to the tent." He paused, laughing. "That's when I started to understand that Clarke has a saucy, playful side buried underneath the no-nonsense exterior. Anyway, Caspian seemed nice enough, very concerned for Clarke's welfare, and she was pretty appreciative of it. When I said I would put her to bed, he accepted it graciously, kissed her, and then left."

Bellamy finally understood the meaning of the phrase "seeing red". His vision clouded around the edges and all he could see was that cretin taking advantage of his Clarke. "You didn't kick his ass for putting his hands on Clarke when she was too intoxicated to fend him off?" he growled menacingly. "God damn it, Grant, we sent you with her to protect her!"

"She didn't need it. He didn't require fending off, he was a perfect gentleman," Grant argued. "After that he pretty much didn't leave her side. He was her constant companion, ate meals with her, introduced her to people, showed her around the camp, and made sure we were granted an audience with Nicolai. We would have lost the alliance without him. He adores Clarke and he's only gone as far as she's allowed him to. To be honest, I think she deserves a guy like Caspian. She's been miserable and I want to see her be happy. I think he could do that for her."

Grant's sly, self-satisfied smile went unnoticed through Bellamy's mounting anger. All he could hear was that Caspian got Clarke drunk and then refused to leave her alone. _Who the fuck does this asshole think he is?_ he seethed silently.

"So, did you need anything else from me?" Grant asked, his tone innocent despite the wicked grin that kept slipping back onto his face.

Bellamy waved him away distractedly. "No, thanks. Go enjoy your breakfast." A thought struck him and he glanced up in confusion. "Wait. How come you're not upset about Clarke and Caspian?"

"I know you're too wrapped up in your own drama to notice, but I've found someone else. Someone who doesn't share the same characteristics Clarke does," Grant replied, rolling his eyes.

Bellamy's mind raced to think of anyone he'd seen Grant with. Dax's face popped into his head and he saw more clearly the way they had looked at each other and touched each other the few times Bellamy had been in their presence. He blinked in realization. "Oh. Well, good for you."

Grant snorted. "Thanks for the approval. It's nice though, isn't it?" he added thoughtfully. "All of us have found someone who makes us happy. Aren't we lucky?" He gave Bellamy another bright grin before heading back around to the front of the house.

Bellamy, however, wasn't even close to happy. His thoughts had drifted back to Caspian, Clarke, and a drunken night that had given Caspian ideas that never should have entered his head. Bellamy was angry enough to believe that it was his responsibility to make sure Caspian understood how foolish that had been.

Before he could stop himself, he headed for Raven and Wick's house again. He couldn't sit by and let Caspian drape himself over her like Spanish moss. Though it only took a few minutes to get there, he managed to work himself into a state of fury. He saw Clarke, Caspian, Raven, Wick, and Octavia standing just outside the back door, and whatever control he'd had over his temper disappeared when his gaze landed on the arm that was curled around Clarke's waist.

When Clarke saw him she jumped, startled, and Caspian's arm fell away. It left enough of a gap between the two of them that Bellamy was able to step in and plow his fist right into Caspian's perfect smile. Teeth crunched, lips split, and blood spurted. He was dimly aware of the circle of dropped jaws around him, but the roaring in his ears drowned out the sudden burst of chatter.

Until Clarke hauled off and decked him, which catapulted him back into perfect clarity.

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" she yelled, and the outrage in her voice made him flinch as he rubbed his tender jaw.

"Where in the hell did you learn to throw a punch like that?" he grunted instead, ignoring her question. Because at that moment, he kind of didn't know _what_ the hell was wrong with him.

"The Water Walkers taught me how to fight," she grumbled, flexing the fingers that had just pulverized his jaw. "They didn't want to send me out on my own without knowing how to protect myself. Now are you going to answer my question or do I have to hit you again?"

Bellamy knew instantly the threat wasn't an idle one. "I just talked to Grant," he muttered. "He told me about how Caspian got you drunk and then attached himself to you like a fucking parasite."

Raven raised an eyebrow. "And you figured the appropriate solution was to ignore the fact that Clarke obviously doesn't mind, and separate Caspian from all his teeth?" she countered sarcastically. "Perfect guy logic."

"No, perfect _Bellamy Blake_ logic," Octavia interjected with a snort. "Hit first, ask questions later."

Bellamy shot Octavia an irritated glance that plainly told her to stay out of it, but her answering smirk seemed to say that he'd brought it on himself. "If I'd been with Clarke instead of Grant, this never would have happened," he growled. "I'm making it my responsibility to fix it."

Wick groaned at Bellamy's stupidity as Clarke's eyes went as round as an owl's. "Jesus, Bellamy! Nothing needed 'fixing'! You're not my protector, and you're not my keeper! You had no _right_ to take this upon yourself!" The pitch of her voice escalated with every exclamation and Bellamy drew back from the ire she was spewing at him.

"I think Bell's finally made his decision," he heard Octavia whisper to Raven, and he glared at her. She grinned back. "Come on, everyone. Let's get Caspian up to the med bay so I can patch up his lips." She glanced at the man who'd remained surprisingly silent throughout the whole exchange; although maybe not so surprisingly, considering he was trying desperately to keep all of his teeth in his mouth.

"I'll go with you," Clarke spit out, glaring at Bellamy, but Raven shook her head.

"Nope. You're staying right here and talking to this mule-headed moron and figuring out what the hell is going on," she directed. "We'll take care of Blondie over here. He'll be fine, even if he has some holes in his grin from now on."

Bellamy watched as Raven and Octavia led Caspian away, Wick trailing behind them with an amused grin playing at his lips. He wasn't feeling a high level of comfort at being left alone with Clarke, especially now that he knew she had a mean right hook.

To his shock, the anger had already faded from her. "You can't keep doing this, Bellamy," Clarke sighed wearily. "This isn't fair to any of us."

"Doing what?" Bellamy asked, confused. He hadn't punched Caspian before, though not for lack of desire. He'd managed to keep his temper in check until he'd learned that Caspian took advantage of her when she was drunk.

"You can't keep trying to be my white knight," she explained, sinking down into the chair outside the back door. Bellamy followed suit, keeping his gaze locked on hers. "You don't have the right. You don't get to swoop in to save the day and then go home to someone else."

"He got you drunk, and then took advantage of that drunkenness," he responded quietly. "If I hadn't let you break our partnership, you never would have been vulnerable to him."

"Newsflash, Bellamy. You didn't _let_ me do anything," she retorted, her face and voice both exhausted. "I made the decision to break our partnership because it was hurting both of us. It was the right thing for me, and I think you know it was the right thing for you. And by the way? Caspian didn't get me drunk. _I_ got me drunk. I'm a big girl and I can make my own choices. He made his intentions clear, but he never pushed. He let me decide what I was comfortable with doing and at what point I was willing to move forward."

Ever word felt like she was punching him again; he felt physically battered and broken. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. "I can't stand seeing his hands all over you," he confessed, unable to lift his head to look at her. He knew he was being cowardly, but it was the only way he could let the truth out.

He heard her scoot closer and then her hand was on his, the tips of her fingers brushing his cheek. "I'm sorry if it hurts you," she said quietly, "but it's not a choice you get to make for me. You've made your own choice, and you have to let me do the same."

Bellamy launched himself out of the chair, running his hand over his hair in agitation. "I know," he admitted, frustration coloring his voice. "I know I chose Onyx, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with watching you choose him. I want to be able to do what he can, to make you happy. Like with the pencils."

Clarke's eyes narrowed and he cursed. He hadn't meant to let that slip. " _You're_ KB?" she asked slowly, obviously trying to make the connection. He saw it when it dawned on her. "Koa Blake." He nodded reluctantly, and she pulled herself out of her chair as well, standing toe to toe with him. " _Why_ , Bellamy?" she demanded to know. "Why would you do that? And why would you keep it a secret?"

Instead of answering, he lifted his hand to her face, cupping her cheek with his palm. The pad of his thumb dragged agonizingly slowly over her bottom lip, his eyes avidly following its progress. He could feel her tremble underneath his touch, and the warmth of her breath caressed his skin as it escaped her in a shuddery sigh. The sound and feel of her electrified him, shooting sparks of fire up his spine and into his brain.

"If you can't figure it out, princess, you're the only one around here who hasn't," he said softly. He ached to put it into words, to remove his thumb and replace it with his lips, but he couldn't. So he did his best to let his eyes speak for him, and hoped that it was enough to keep Clarke from going back to Caspian until he was free to show her how he felt.

Giving her a wistful smile, he dropped his hand and turned away, leaving her to stare after him with a bewildered expression on her face and longing in her eyes.

lllll

Bellamy was standing at the gate later that day, his thoughts consumed by the way Clarke had looked at him when he left. He didn't know how he was going to get through the remaining time until Onyx returned, especially since he had no clue how long she'd be gone. It had only been a few days since she left, and she'd said it might be up to two weeks before she was back. He was starting to wonder if he'd have to leave the village for a little bit himself.

He'd just come to the conclusion that he couldn't be away from Clarke again, especially not with Caspian waiting in the wings, when the gate swung open from the inside. He turned to see who it was, knowing that his replacement wasn't due for another thirty minutes. When Kane eased through the narrowing opening, pulling the gate shut behind him, Bellamy frowned.

"What did Clarke do now?" he asked sarcastically. "Is she openly challenging Jaha to a duel?"

Kane's lips lifted in a brief smile. "No, she's actually lying low for the time being. I've managed to talk her into simply staying out of his way, since she can't be convinced to leave."

"I still think she's being stupidly stubborn," Bellamy grumbled.

"Stubborn is the number one adjective to describe Clarke," Kane reminded him wryly. "For that matter, it is for you as well."

Bellamy silently acknowledged the truth of both statements. "So what do you need, if it's not about Clarke?"

"I never said it wasn't about Clarke. I just had a conversation with Nicolai, and he's asked for me to arrange a meeting with Clarke, to be attended by Nicolai, Andrei, and myself. I want you there as well."

"What in the world could he possibly want to meet about?" Bellamy asked suspiciously. He knew it wasn't fair to allow his dislike of Caspian to color his feelings about the rest of the clan, but until they proved themselves trustworthy, he was reserving judgment.

"As pompous as the old goat is, he's perceptive," Kane acknowledged. "It didn't take him long at all to understand the tension between Jaha, Gem, and Clarke. He's become protective of Clarke and wanted to know what was going on between them."

"And you _told_ him?" Bellamy objected in disbelief. "They don't have any right to know our business!"

Kane leveled a warning stare at him. "I'm prepared to do anything to keep Clarke from becoming a victim of Jaha's delusions of grandeur. If Nicolai and his people are willing to stand with us and form another layer of protection around her, I'll tell them anything they need to know."

"So how do they propose to help?"

"That's what this meeting is supposed to be about," Kane explained. "Nicolai wants to know the extent of Jaha's madness, what Clarke wants to do about it, and how he and the Plainsmen can help. He's decided not to return home until the situation is resolved, whatever that entails."

Bellamy scowled. "Then let's get the situation resolved," he snapped. "The sooner they leave, and take Caspian with them, the better." He didn't miss Kane's slight smile. "Yeah, I hate him. It's not exactly a secret."

"I didn't say anything," Kane reminded him easily. "But if I were in your position, I'd feel the same way."

"Fine," Bellamy muttered, somewhat mollified. "When does Nicolai want to have this meeting?"

"Tomorrow or the next day, if we can convince Clarke to attend. Which, I'll be honest, I'm not completely optimistic about. I had a hard enough time getting her to commit to staying out of Jaha's way for the time being. I was hoping you'd be willing to talk to her and impress upon her the value of having the Plainsmen's support."

"I have a feeling she's not going to be open to anything I say, either," Bellamy admitted ruefully. "But I'll talk to her, first chance I get."

"Good." Kane unlocked the gate and pushed it open wide enough to slip back through. "Keep your chin up, Bellamy. Nothing that's worth it is ever easy." He disappeared, and a second later Bellamy heard the sharp click of it sliding home.

_If Kane's right, then being in love with Clarke is the_ only _thing that's worthwhile_ , he acknowledged with a mental sigh. _Because it's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that for some of you, Bellamy's irrational rage over Caspian may seem a little OOC. In and of itself, yes, I think it would be too. However, I'm thinking about the fact that there is a lot going on that's out of Bellamy's control, and Caspian is a great scapegoat for focusing all that frustration externally because Bellamy already doesn't like how he's stepped into Clarke's life. Also, that key word was irrational. LOL I hope this chapter was worth the wait, and get ready for chapter 18, because it's going to throw you for a loop! (I hope.)


	18. Nowhere Left to Hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Here it is, the infamous chapter 18. :) I really hope I didn't oversell the ending, but I'm sure you'll all tell me, one way or the other. LOL I'm going to be taking a hiatus after this chapter, just as a heads up. I have family coming to stay with me starting tomorrow, and in a week and a half I start my new job, so my writing time could be pretty scarce for a little while. I still have a couple reserve chapters so I hope it won't take me too long to update (I'm thinking probably two weeks), but I just wanted to let everyone know why I won't be around. If I'm able to write more than I anticipate over the next couple weeks then I will likely update sooner, just don't expect it. As always, your reviews are amazing! If you're reading and you love the story, or if you have a question about something, or if you're frustrated over a choice I made, please let me know! I love the compliments, obviously, but I also want a chance to address any issues you might have with the story or the characters, so don't be shy. :)

Clarke floated in the hazy state of pre-awakening, her mind clinging to the last vestiges of her dream. She was fairly certain she was angry at Bellamy because he’d been a jerk. Or maybe that was in her awake world. Maybe, she wasn’t really angry, but she felt like she should be? She didn’t know. Her brain was all muzzy and confused and trying to wake up, but she didn’t want to. The awake world had its own set of problems that she wasn’t ready to face.

The choice was taken away from her when, distantly, she heard the loud knocking at the door. She tried one last time to remain firmly entrenched in sleep, but the cobwebs were clearing from her brain and her eyes opened against her will, revealing the ceiling of Kane’s living room. She was still sleeping on the couch because it felt too permanent for her to take the spare room. The insistent knocking sounded again, and she pulled herself off the couch with a huff.

Throwing the door open with a wordless scowl, she groaned when she saw Caspian’s bright, cheery face. “Good morning, sunshine,” he said warmly, sweeping in past her. She shut the door behind him and turned, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at him grumpily. He looked back at her and considered her less-than-pleased face. “I take it you’re not a morning person?” he surmised with a grin. 

“I barely slept last night, I have to have a freaking meeting about how best to let everyone around me protect me against my psychopathic God-in-his-own-mind leader, and you decide to wake me up at half past dawn,” she retorted sharply. “No one would be at their best.”

“At least you look cute in your pajamas,” he teased, gesturing at her tank top and pants that were decorated, inexplicably, with snowmen. Apparently they’d been a thing before the apocalyptic war theoretically destroyed the planet. Privately, she thought maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing that the minds behind fashion such as this had been casualties.

“Yes, because my clothing is the most important issue on today’s agenda,” she sighed with a roll of her eyes, gesturing for him to sit down on the couch. Once he had, she sank down and leaned back against her pillow, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

Caspian frowned. “No, actually, the most important issue is figuring out how to protect you from your ‘psychopathic God-in-his-own-mind leader’,” he conceded, echoing her previous description of Jaha. “But trust me, my father and Nicolai aren’t about to let that happen. I’m pretty sure Nicolai only held out on the alliance because he wanted an opportunity to get out of camp and meet some new people. He likes you, and he isn’t going to let your nutjob ex-Chancellor take you out.”

“Kane was pretty optimistic that with as many tactical minds as we have coming together on this, we should be able to come up with a solution,” Clarke mused. “Short of actually killing Jaha, though, I don’t know what we can do to guard against his particular brand of batshit crazy.”

Before Caspian could voice any ideas he might have, a single, sharp knock on the door interrupted. Clarke pulled herself off the couch and crossed to the door, expecting to see Nicolai and Andrei. When she pulled it open, however, she winced. “Bellamy,” she acknowledged wearily. “Of course.” She pulled the door open wider to admit him and Caspian jumped off the couch, coming face to face with a now furious Bellamy.

“What is _he_ doing here?!?” they shouted simultaneously. Both clenched their fists as they glared at the other.

“What the hell, Clarke? You think this clown has any clue how to actually protect you?” Bellamy snarled, staring the blonde down menacingly.

“Oh, like you’ve done such a stellar job of it yourself,” Caspian scoffed. “Considering all this is happening on your watch, it seems like it’s time you sit down and let the adults handle it.”

Bellamy’s fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. Trying to stave off another physical confrontation, Clarke stepped in between the two men who looked like two stags about to butt heads. “What _are_ you doing here, Bellamy?” she questioned him, her voice brittle. 

She’d avoided him since he approached her about the meeting, insisting that Kane thought it was the best way to find a solution to the Jaha problem. She’d reluctantly agreed to allow it, though it rankled to think of having all these men talking about how to protect her, as if she couldn’t protect herself. In fact, it seemed as if ever since she’d arrived, she’d been handed to one man after another as a treasure to guard. She was itching to tell everyone to fuck off and let her take care of herself, but the part of her brain that recognized she actually _needed_ the help managed to win out. 

Once she’d assented to having the meeting in two days’ time, Bellamy had tried to bring the conversation back to them. She’d balked. She didn’t know what to think or what to say, and the only thing that ultimately mattered in the end was that he wasn’t single. She was only stepping into the flame if she thought she could entertain thoughts of his feelings for her. So she’d cut him off, walked away, and had avoided him ever since.

The eyes that stared back at her now, as rich as the velvet on the antlers of the stag she’d just mentally compared him to, were hard. They were angry. And they seared into her like liquid fire, the heat blazing a path through every nerve ending. “What did you think, Clarke?” he barked in disbelief. “I was the one who asked you about the meeting. Did you really think I wasn’t going to attend?”

She shook herself, focusing on the tension that was rapidly coming to a head between the two men in her life. “You can only stay if you promise to behave.” She shifted to direct a laser stare at Caspian. “That goes for you, too. I don’t want to have to start breaking up fights between you because you don’t have any more manners than a pack of wild dogs.”

Bellamy’s jaw clenched while Caspian smirked at him. “I can be a perfect gentleman,” Caspian asserted firmly. He eyed Bellamy. “Unlike your Neanderthal friend here, who seems to only be able to communicate with his fists. And poorly at that,” he added, his tone smug.

“Clarke, are you sure you have a collar and leash big enough for your little pet?” Bellamy countered sarcastically.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Enough!” she hissed as a knock on the door sounded for the third time. She sighed gratefully when she opened it to find Nicolai and Andrei. “Thank God,” she grumbled. “These two are about to have a pissing contest and we need a distraction.”

Andrei laughed. “Are you antagonizing this young man, Caspian?” he chided, amusement lacing his voice.

Clarke had to stifle a laugh. Apparently Andrei knew his son well.

“Not at all, Father,” Caspian replied innocently. “He’s just in a foul mood because his knuckles hurt from dragging them along the ground.”

Bellamy growled and Clarke fixed him with a warning stare before turning it on Caspian. They both backed down, staring daggers at each other silently. Clarke wanted to throw her hands up in irritation and defeat, but at that moment Kane emerged from the rear of the house. “Ah, I see everyone has arrived. Good. We can get started,” he said, dispensing with any pleasantries. He gestured to the chairs across from the couch, which Nicolai and Andrei settled themselves into.

Clarke sat back down on the couch and Caspian immediately claimed the seat beside her. Bellamy scowled at him, but chose to ease himself onto the arm of the couch so that Clarke’s shoulder pressed into his thigh. He rested his hand lightly on her shoulder and she idly wondered if the sun was getting higher in the sky, because the room was becoming stiflingly warm. She glanced up at him, smiling slightly when he returned her gaze intently. Caspian’s hand covered her knee and she sighed inwardly. These two were going to be the death of her.

Kane sank down onto the far end of the couch, on the other side of Caspian. “Gentlemen. I appreciate your interest in staving off any potential retribution toward Clarke by our leader. You’ve seen that Jaha is not of sound mind these days, and I’m concerned that Clarke will be a victim of his madness.”

“We have seen this, yes,” Nicolai rumbled, and Clarke bit her lip to keep from grinning at his voice. Despite the somber tone of the meeting, she was pretty sure she would never _not_ find the thick Russian accent amusing. “Why is this man so afraid of a mere child?”

“Clarke’s not exactly a child,” Bellamy contradicted with a frown. 

Kane nodded. ”Clarke took on authority that rendered her an adult before her time,” he acknowledged. “It gave her power among our people, specifically those in her age group, but eventually she won the respect of even my peers. Jaha fears that dormant loyalty, and he’s determined to keep Clarke from exercising her leadership qualities.”

“Clarke is right here,” Clarke grumbled sourly. She hated being talked about as if she wasn’t present.

“Deal with it,” Bellamy muttered under his breath. “This whole thing is about you. Of course they’re going to be talking about you.” He gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, however, to take the sting from his words.

“Why does he feel that Clarke is a threat?” Andrei interjected. “Have you given him any reason to think you want to resume your role as leader?” He directed the question at Clarke and she was pleased that at least someone remembered she was actually an active participant in the conversation.

“ _No_ ,” she insisted. “I have told him over and over again that I have no interest in taking his role. I just wanted to come home to my people.” _To Bellamy_ , she added silently. From the added pressure on her shoulder, she thought that maybe she didn’t have to say it for him to understand it was the truth.

Nicolai studied her. “The first question that must be asked is, how far are you willing to go? If we must kill this man Jaha to ensure your safety, is that something you are prepared and willing to accept?”

Clarke gave her head a firm shake. “No. I don’t want anyone killed over this.”

“Neither do we,” Caspian stressed. “I’m sorry, but I’d rather have him dead than you. He’s the acceptable loss in this scenario.”

She glanced up at Bellamy, her eyes meeting his worriedly. She didn’t want Jaha’s death on her conscience. There had to be another way.

“What if we overthrow him?” Bellamy asked brusquely. “If we all rise up against him and drive him out, he’ll have no recourse but to leave.”

“In order to do that, we’d have to take on Gem as well,” Kane reminded him. “We’d have to force her either into submission, or out with Jaha. That would leave Onyx in a very difficult situation.”

Bellamy frowned. He didn’t know if he could do that to Onyx, but the alternative was Clarke possibly being injured, or worse, losing her life. There was really no question that if it came down to it, he would _have_ to.

“Just send Bellamy up against them,” Caspian remarked dryly. “He’ll beat them into pulp, as is his wont, and we can tie them up and cart them off to a neighboring clan.” He touched his still-puffy lip as a less-than-subtle reminder of Bellamy’s predilection for using his fists.

“What the hell are you whining about?” he shot back. “All you ended up with was a cracked tooth. You’re fine. Stop bitching about it, it makes you sound weak.”

Caspian’s eyes narrowed murderously, but Nicolai beat him to the punch. “The two of you had an altercation?” he boomed. “What nonsense is this?”

“Bellamy didn’t like that I was smart enough to recognize what a treasure Clarke is when he himself was too stupid to see it,” Caspian sneered. “And instead of bowing out gracefully and admitting to his own failure, he decided to punch me.”

Outrage bloomed on Nicolai’s face and Clarke cut in. “After which _I_ punched _Bellamy_ to show him what an asshole he was being,” she said shortly. “Can we please get back to the conversation at hand?”

Nicolai ignored her. “Apparently you needed a woman to defend your honor,” he scolded Caspian. “It is a good thing Clarke was there to do it for you.”

Bellamy burst into laughter, choking on it when Clarke elbowed him hard in the knee. Caspian leaped over her in fury, tackling Bellamy until they both fell off the edge of the couch. The two men- _boys, actually_ , Clarke thought in disgust-proceeded to try to bash the brains out of each others’ skulls. 

It took her a moment, but Clarke finally found her voice. “KNOCK IT OFF!” she thundered, and Bellamy and Caspian collapsed, glaring at each other, their chests heaving. “Get out. Now,” she seethed.

Bellamy pulled himself to his feet, followed by Caspian, who brushed himself off with a sniff. “I’m not leaving,” Bellamy fumed.

“Neither am I,” Caspian retorted, crossing his arms over his chest.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “ _Everyone_ is leaving,” she emphasized. She glanced over at Nicolai and Andrei apologetically. “It seems our meeting is going to have to be rescheduled. _Without_ these two dumbasses,” she added.

Nicolai nodded. “Young men who are stupid in love are simply stupid,” he remarked, shaking his head. “We will resume this discussion tomorrow.”

Clarke guided them out the door and turned back to stare angrily at the two men. Kane had wisely disappeared, giving her time to deal with her unwanted suitors. “You’re both idiots,” she hissed finally. “I’m sick of this attitude you have toward each other. You’re both a part of my life, and you both have to accept that.”

Bellamy and Caspian traded barbed glowers and she sighed. Opening the door, she pointed outside so there was no mistake what she expected. The pair of them headed toward the entrance, but bumped shoulders in their effort to get through the door. Bellamy roughly pushed the other man aside and squeezed through first, followed by a pissed-off Caspian.

Once both of them were through the door, Clarke slammed it shut behind them. Sinking down onto the couch, she covered her face with her hands. If Jaha didn’t kill her, the two of them surely would.

lllll

She was almost to Raven and Wick’s when Bellamy fell into step beside her. She dropped her head back and groaned. “What, Bellamy? Can’t you just leave me alone? You and your stupid petty bullshit with Caspian have already done enough damage to my day.” He winced and she almost felt guilty. _Almost_ being the operative word. 

“I wanted to apologize,” he admitted, his voice low and rumbly. “I shouldn’t have let Caspian get to me.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” she retorted sharply. Sighing, she softened. “I don’t understand you, Bellamy. You act like you’re schizophrenic sometimes. It’s like you forget I’m not your girlfriend.”

He stopped her with a hand on her arm, tugging her toward him. His gaze locked on hers and she wondered in the back of her brain if she was even still breathing. The intensity of his gaze felt like it was sucking the oxygen from her lungs. “Trust me, I never forget.”

“Then why do you keep coming back into my life to screw it up?” she burst out in frustration. “You’ve made it clear you’re not leaving Onyx. I get it. But then you turn around and refuse to let me bow out. You’re treating me like a fucking yo-yo, Bellamy, and it’s not fair!”

Bellamy slid his hand from her arm to her neck, tangling in the blonde strands of hair, and wrapped his strong fingers around the slim column. Clarke felt the breath catch in her throat when it seemed as if he was going to pull her in for a kiss. Instead, she watched the struggle in his eyes and felt the tension in his fingers until he relaxed, letting his hand fall away.

“Damn it, Clarke.” He lifted that same hand to his own hair, and Clarke could see that it was shaking. “How come you’re the only one who can’t see how in love with you I am? How come you’re the only one who can’t see how much it kills me to watch you with that slimy asshole?”

Clarke blinked, feeling as if she was underwater and his words were coming to her through it from a great distance. “Then why are you still with her?” she asked with difficulty. “If you love me, why did you let her stop you from being with me?”

He blew out a breath. “Because I _loved_ you.” At her confused look, he elaborated. “I _knew_ I loved you before you walked away from me. But you did. You left. And I had to move on.”

“Wait,” she protested. “You told me you forgave me. You said you understood why I felt I had to leave, and that you didn’t hold it against me.”

He closed his eyes for a moment before reopening them. In them, for the first time since coming back, she saw Bellamy Blake’s vulnerability. “I did forgive you. I did understand. And I don’t hold it against you. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t devastate the hell out of me when I watched you turn your back on me and walk away.”

She could feel tears come to her eyes and she stared at him wordlessly. She’d had no idea. “Have I ruined everything?” she asked softly. “Have I destroyed any chance we have at happiness?”

Before he could answer, they were interrupted by a shout. She whirled around and felt Bellamy ease in behind her, placing a protective hand on her shoulder. Her eyes scanned the horizon, looking for the source of the exclamation; they landed on Murphy, who was leading another rider into camp. The other person wore a hood, concealing his features. Bellamy swore softly behind her. “I didn’t even know he’d left again,” he growled into her ear. “How is he back already? And who the hell is that?”

Clarke was paying less attention to the unidentified rider than she was to Murphy, who looked ill. Her first thought was that he’d aggravated the wound in his shoulder and she’d have to spend the next part of her day, which was quickly shaping up to be an emotional roller coaster, stitching him up again. Then his gaze landed on her and he paled even further. _What, does he think I’m going to gouge him with a scalpel… again?_ she thought, letting a slight trace of a smile curve her lips. 

She watched curiously as he dismounted, leaving the other rider alone. His head was bowed, his chin dipped to his chest, and Clarke spared him a brief, speculative glance before focusing on Murphy. He approached her, anxiety written all over his face.

“Clarke. We need to talk to you.” He glanced at the rider, then back to her and Bellamy. “Alone.”

Bellamy shook his head firmly, crossing both arms over his broad chest and planting his feet solidly. “Not a chance in hell, Murphy.”

Murphy sighed. “Fine. Then let’s get inside, quick. Reyes and her lap dog won’t mind us using their house, not for this.” He gestured at the rider, who dismounted fluidly and followed them to the house. Bellamy held the door for Clarke, then gave Murphy a hard stare as he passed through the door, followed by the hooded man. 

Once they were inside, their mystery guest lifted his head and pushed back his hood. Clarke squealed and threw herself into his arms, squeezing him as tightly as she possibly could. “Oh my God, Jasper! I can’t believe it! What are you doing here?”

Jasper stepped back, a grim look darkening his face. He was so different from what she remembered. His face was hard, his eyes haunted by grief and the things he had seen. He’d also filled out; he was still lean, but he was more muscled than he had been the last time she saw him. His hair, instead of being wild and unruly, was clipped short. She’d recognized him instantly, but the more she looked at him the more she realized this person was virtually a stranger to her.

“I’m here to warn you,” he said simply, and she was struck by the change in his voice, too. No longer was it bright and happy, full of humor and nerves and overconfidence and uncertainty all at once. His voice was as hard as his face, low and dark. Then his words caught up to her and her eyes shot back up to his in confusion.

“What do you mean, to warn her?” Bellamy asked for her. His hand found hers, his fingers weaving through hers and clenching tightly. If he was shocked to see Jasper, his features didn’t reveal it. He stared intently at the other man, only interested in what his presence meant for Clarke.

Jasper glanced over at Murphy, who nodded. “You’re in danger,” he said quietly. “I was sent here to kill you.”


	19. End This All Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *groan* I'm so sorry, everyone, I know I seriously suck. I really didn't intend to leave you with such a cliffhanger for so long, but I have had *no* inspiration for chapter 20 for weeks. *sigh* Luckily it's almost done and I feel confident that I'll have it wrapped up in the next couple days, so I'm going to go ahead and post this now. However, that means I'm officially out of reserve chapters, which also means that from now on, updates will happen as chapters are written. If it takes me a few weeks to finish chapter 21, that's how long it will be until the next update. I feel pretty confident that I'll manage to conclude this in roughly 25-26 chapters, though, so with any luck that means you won't have to wait months and months for this to be finished. *crosses fingers*

Bellamy felt Clarke's hand tighten in his, but it was a distant sensation, felt through the roar in his ears and the fear and fury coursing through his veins. He had never wanted to believe it, had kept convincing himself that they were overreacting and just preparing for the worst, but he'd never really thought Jaha wanted Clarke dead. And now, standing in front of them was the proof that he'd been very, very wrong.

"Who?" she asked faintly.

Bellamy blinked, coming out of his fog. Who else could it be, if not for Jaha?

"I don't know," Murphy admitted. "I take messages and deliver them, run errands, that kind of shit, but I never know who it's for. Gem and Jaha and their cronies all have access, so whenever I pick up my instructions, it could be from anyone."

Clarke's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "'Their cronies'?" she parroted. "They don't have any cronies."

Murphy gave her an odd look. "Gem said there's an inner circle who would know about it, but no one would ever know who asked for what. That way everyone's protected. I've done some shady shit for these people, so I get it."

"But there is no inner circle," Bellamy insisted, shaking his head. "It's just Gem and Jaha. Jaha's so fucking paranoid that there's no way he'd ever give anyone else that kind of access or power."

"Which means that it has to be Gem or Jaha who arranged for the assassination," Clarke realized slowly. "Not that it's a surprise to anyone."

"We knew Jaha was going to do something," Bellamy explained to Murphy and Jasper, who hadn't said a word since his startling announcement. "He's become convinced lately that Clarke is here to take back her position of authority with our people, and he's started making some veiled threats."

"'Started'?" Clarke echoed with a scoff. "He threatened me my first day back. For whatever reason, he's convinced he needs me out in order to maintain his control."

Murphy rolled his eyes. "Then why don't you just leave?" he asked irritably. "You've been gone for like a fucking year or something. It shouldn't be hard for you to go someplace else again. When you go, so does the drama. No more threats on your life. Doesn't take a genius to figure that out."

Bellamy glanced over at Clarke, knowing she'd been considering doing just that. To his relief, the fire in her eyes indicated that she wasn't about to tuck her tail between her legs and run. "This is my home now," she stated firmly. "I won't be run out. He's just declared war on me and I have an army who'll fight by my side. He's going to lose everything he's trying so hard to keep." Bellamy felt a surge of adrenaline at the fierceness in her voice. She wasn't going to back down from the challenge, and he'd be the first one to line up next to her.

"So was it this great big coincidence that Jasper just happened to be the one sent to kill Clarke?" Bellamy questioned Murphy, staring speculatively at Jasper. He wanted to treat the man as his friend, but it was clear that he didn't know the person standing in front of him. He wasn't ready to trust him immediately, no questions asked.

Murphy shook his head. "I read the letter on my way there," he informed them unapologetically. Bellamy rolled his eyes. Of course he had. "I've run messages to this particular clan a few times, gotten to know their leader a little bit, and I knew Jasper had ended up there. When I realized someone wanted Clarke dead, I took the message to him first to see what he thought we should do."

"I'm an assassin now," Jasper offered quietly. "When I left, after… after Maya, I wandered. I found Hal's clan and he took me in. He asked me what I could do, and when I said I was getting to be kind of good with a gun he decided to train me to be an assassin, to help protect his people. They already had one, Gideon, and I became his apprentice."

"I delivered Jaha's message to Hal," Murphy cut in. "I suggested letting Jasper take this one, to let it be his first real test away from Gideon. Hal took the bait."

"And you did all this to protect me?" Clarke asked skeptically. She was less surprised that Jasper would step in to help, even though this new Jasper looked like he could stare his best friend in the eyes and put a bullet between them without remorse. Murphy, however, was a shock to her. "You hate me. I would have thought you'd be happy to see someone take me out."

He shrugged, visibly uncomfortable. "Yeah, well, you took care of my shoulder when Reyes and the others would have let me bleed out. And you only gouged me with that scalpel once," he added with a knowing smirk. "You're not as bad now as you used to be. I didn't think you deserved to have your brain splattered."

"Touching," Bellamy said dryly. "But now it seems clear that our previous peace-keeping ideas have to be shelved. We need to cut the head off the snake or this will never end."

"No," Clarke declared resolutely. "We rally the troops. Get Raven and Wick, Octavia, Grant, Monty and Miller." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jasper flinch, and wondered at the reason for it before realizing he likely wasn't prepared for her casual mention of Monty. "We have resources. We need to use them. There's no reason anyone has to die this time."

Bellamy knew how important it was to Clarke to avoid looking to murder as the answer. He understood. But it chafed at him to let the man who'd ordered her death walk around with his head still attached to his body. "We start it your way," he agreed reluctantly. "If it doesn't work, we _end_ it mine."

He fixed his gaze on hers, the two of them communicating wordlessly. After a moment, Clarke nodded her assent. "Let's meet with everyone first. I'll talk to Caspian and the Plainsmen afterward. _Alone_ ," she stressed, casting Bellamy a warning stare.

He ignored it. "Lincoln's back, by the way," he informed her. "Luna sends her regards."

"Great," she said briskly. "His size, training and knowledge, and the intimidation factor will make him one of our biggest advantages. Why don't you go get him, Octavia, Monty, and Miller, and I'll go find Grant, Raven, and Wick?"

"No," Bellamy returned flatly. "I'm not letting you leave right now, and I'm not leaving your side until we have some protections in place for you."

Clarke heaved an exasperated sigh. "Then what are we going to do?" she argued. "I don't want to send Jasper out there and have chaos erupt. That'll kill the element of surprise we have over Jaha."

"Hello? You have another option standing right in front of you," Murphy interjected sarcastically.

"Like Raven, Wick, or Octavia would let you talk long enough to tell them what's going on," Bellamy snorted. Murphy looked ready to argue, but Clarke cut him off.

"Go find Grant and explain the situation," she said decisively. "He doesn't know you well enough to want to tell you to fuck off before you can get a word in edgewise. Tell him to gather everyone else and send them here, but not to give details why. I want to keep this contained until we have everyone in one place."

"Will do, boss," Murphy replied, shockingly without a hint of sarcasm at all. He paused on his way out the door. "Just so you know, this is where my involvement ends. I might not want you dead, Clarke, but I'm not going to take up arms against Jaha. Good luck with that."

He disappeared quickly and Bellamy and Clarke eased down onto the couch. Clarke's hands were fluttering around on her lap and Bellamy reached over, placing his over hers and holding them still. They leaned into each other, their foreheads touching lightly as their eyes drifted closed, holding still for a few moments before pulling apart.

When Bellamy remembered Jasper's presence, he glanced over and saw the other man observing them with the first hint of interest he'd shown in anything since arriving. "I always suspected you'd end up together, but then Clarke left and I figured it was one of those things that just never had a chance. It's nice to see I was wrong." The look on his face told Bellamy that maybe it was enough to give him a glimmer of hope that life could work out after all, and Bellamy wasn't inclined to disabuse him of that moment of optimism.

Clarke, however, clearly didn't see what he did. "We're not together," she clarified, and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

"Not yet, anyway," he added, choosing not to acknowledge when Clarke swung her head to stare at him, open-mouthed. He caught the small half-smile playing on Jasper's lips and was pleased that somewhere underneath that calloused exterior, his old friend still existed. With any luck, they'd be able to bring him back out before he returned home.

lllll

It took nearly an hour before Grant had managed to round up all the usual suspects and usher them off to the Wicken house. In that time, Clarke had decided to separate herself from Bellamy, despite his protests. She insisted that she didn't want to distract anyone from the subject at hand, and she especially didn't want to listen to Grant squealing or deal with Raven's sly glances, winks, and nudges.

"After all," she'd added quietly, trying to keep their conversation from reaching Jasper's ears, "it's not like we actually _are_ together." She gave him a questioning, semi-hopeful look, and he smiled tenderly.

"We're not," he agreed, his voice soft. "I can't do that to Onyx, but I'll talk to her when she gets home. We just need to be patient."

"We've already waited a year and a half or so, it's not like another week or two is going to kill us. Jaha might, though," she mused wryly.

Bellamy scowled. "No joking about anything that involves you maimed or dying," he grumbled, and Clarke leaned over to ruffle his hair with an affectionate grin. He tried to keep the angry frown on his face, but it faded into a grin before he could stop himself.

Raven and Wick were the first to arrive. "Glad to see you made yourselves at home," Raven snarked the moment she walked through the living room door.

Clarke just gave her a beaming smile and gestured at Jasper, who was sitting with his back to the door. When Raven saw him, she screeched and threw herself into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. The shock leaped onto his face, but he couldn't help the small grin that turned his lips up, and he chuckled a little as his arms gingerly came up to wrap around her back. Bellamy watched as the hug went from tentative to fierce, with Jasper burying his face in Raven's shoulder. He was beginning to suspect that the assassin persona was just a shell, something Jasper slipped on in order to protect himself, but he would never be able to be so cold and hard on the inside.

Jasper stood up and shook hands with Wick, and the three of them fell into an easy conversation-or, more to the point, Raven talked while Wick smiled at her in amusement and Jasper looked like he was trying not to feel overwhelmed. Bellamy glanced over at Clarke, who was curled into the opposite side of the couch, leaning away from him. She must have felt his gaze on hers because she shifted a little to be able to see him better, and the look she gave him was soft and affectionate. He was surprised to realize how happy he was, despite the dire circumstances surrounding this gathering.

Not long after Raven and Wick got home, Octavia and Lincoln arrived. Octavia must have told him immediately that Clarke was back, because Lincoln's face was as stoic as ever. He didn't even raise his eyebrow when his eyes landed on Jasper. He just nodded in acknowledgment of the other man's presence, then crossed over to Clarke. She stood up and Lincoln gave her a brief hug.

"It's good to see you home, Clarke," he murmured, a brief smile quirking his lips before his face resumed its normal seriousness.

"It's good to be home," Clarke returned easily, her eyes bright. "But I guess you know how that feels."

"It was a long voyage to meet with Luna," he acknowledged. "The Boat People live beyond the sea and it took some time for the news of Lexa's betrayal to reach her ears."

"Octavia told me Luna summoned you to give your opinion of the alliance between the Grounders and the Sky People, and details the events in Tondc and with the Mountain Men."

Lincoln nodded. "Luna and I became friends many years ago, and she trusts my judgment and my opinion. She wanted to hear the truth from me instead of what Lexa would say to justify her own actions. I believe that Lexa's betrayal, while in her opinion was in the best interest of her clan, will have far-reaching consequences for her with the Twelve Clans. Breaking her word will bring dishonor on her."

"Good," Clarke snapped. "If she hadn't betrayed us, all those people would still be alive. She brought about the death of hundreds of innocent people." Bellamy laid a calming hand on her arm, and she took a deep breath before visibly relaxing. "I'm glad your journey was successful and you were able to return home to us safely."

Octavia leaned into him and he raised his arm, laying it around her shoulders. "You're not more glad than I am," she said with feeling, and Bellamy winced.

"Spare me the graphic details," he groaned, and Clarke and Octavia laughed.

The front door swung open, banging into the opposite wall. "Alright, what's going on?" Monty demanded, practically throwing himself through the door. Grant and Miller followed behind at a more sedate pace. "Grant wouldn't tell me what you all needed us to be here for, just that it's super important, and what the hell, Jasper? You don't write, you don't call?"

Before anyone could even process what Monty had just said, he threw his arms around his best friend. Jasper stiffened and the temperature in the room dropped ten degrees. Monty's arms dropped and he pulled back, the excited smile replaced by a flash of confused hurt, which was then covered with a frosty lift of his chin. He stepped back and flopped onto the couch beside Bellamy, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well that was awkward and really fucking uncomfortable," Raven said bluntly.

Wick nudged her. "Not helping, babe."

Trying to dispel the awkwardness, Grant crossed the room and settled onto the couch next to Clarke, throwing an arm casually around her shoulders. "So to get back to Monty's point, why don't you explain what we're all doing here, Clarke?" he prodded.

Bellamy tried not to grit his teeth at the comfortable ease between the two of them. _Grant is_ gay, _you moron_ , he argued with himself. _He's not a threat to you, and he's one of Clarke's best friends. Chill out._ The little pep talk only had a minor effect on him. Instead, he tried not to look at them as she began to explain the situation to their friends.

He already knew the story, so he concentrated on observing his friends' faces as they listened. Grant already knew the story but he remained attentive to Clarke anyway, holding one of her hands with his free one and rubbing his thumb over her knuckles reassuringly. Monty wasn't surprised by Jaha's apparent descent into madness, and Miller was always pretty chill, so he just listened attentively. Lincoln frowned slightly, not having been around to witness or even hear about the growing tension between Clarke and Jaha. Octavia and Raven sat with jaws dropped as Clarke described the coldness and threats.

Everyone really sat up and took notice when she got to the part about Murphy arriving with Jasper. He coughed uncomfortably when all attention swung his way.

"You're an _assassin_?" Raven sputtered. "The fuck, Jasper? I know you were pissed about what went down at Mount Weather, and I get it that you had to go and deal with shit in your own way. Clarke did the same thing and none of us held that against her. But a fucking assassin? That's not you."

"What happened to you?" Monty asked softly. "Where did my best friend go?"

"You killed him!" Jasper shouted suddenly. "You and your brilliant brain that came up with the way to take out the compound. The old me died the same day Maya did, and it's all your fault!" He catapulted himself out of his chair and stormed out the front door. Octavia shot Bellamy a worried look and he nodded, silently telling her to go after her friend and he'd catch her up later. The room was quiet as she darted out after him.

Clarke reached across Grant and put a comforting hand on Monty's arm. He was pale and his eyes were full of pain. "He'll come around," she said quietly. Monty nodded disconsolately and sank back into the couch. Clarke glanced over at Bellamy, her eyes asking him to take over.

He cleared his throat. "So obviously we have an issue with Jaha that needs to be resolved if Clarke is going to be safe here. For the time being, Clarke is determined that this conflict will be resolved without anyone dying. Our plan is to force Jaha out, which is where you all come in. We'll need an army to win against him because we'll also be going up against Gem."

He stopped for a moment, then cast an apologetic look at her. "As for what I think? I want him dead. I don't think he'll ever give up, and if we beat him now he'll just come back later and attack when we're not expecting it and not prepared to defend ourselves. If he does, Clarke will be his first target." He hated that she would see his words as him deliberately sabotaging their agreement, but he had to show their friends both sides of the coin. There was always a chance one of them would be able to convince her that his way was the best.

"I say we blow the motherfucker's head off," Raven piped up. Her brown eyes were flashing with outrage and disgust. "I don't want to give him another chance to take one of us down."

Grant spoke up. "This is Clarke's battle," he reminded them. "She's our captain now. If she gives an order, we follow it." He caught Bellamy's eye and didn't flinch away from the irritation blazing in them. "I'm with Clarke all the way."

"A show of strength will likely take the fight out of Jaha," Lincoln said slowly. "Your leader is a man of words, not action. It may have been simple for him to write a letter requesting an assassination, but it doesn't get his hands dirty. When presented with the option of running or fighting, a coward will nearly always run."

"And sometimes when they're cornered, cowards will lash out and take down everyone around them," Monty argued.

Clarke raised one eyebrow. "Our pacifist is advocating for the death penalty?"

"Yeah, well, people change," he replied bitterly. "We've seen proof enough of that."

"Should we take a vote?" Miller suggested. Bellamy looked back at Clarke and saw she was as thrilled with the idea as he was, which was to say, not at all. But the heads around them were nodding and he reluctantly followed suit. Clarke pressed her lips together and looked as if she wanted to argue, but after a moment she finally nodded as well.

"Those in favor of eliminating Jaha once and for all?" Grant asked. Bellamy deliberately raised his hand, maintaining eye contact with Clarke the whole time. Raven and Monty quickly added theirs.

"Those in favor of a coup?" Clarke's hand went straight up. Around her, Grant, Lincoln, Wick, and Miller's hands went up as well. Bellamy let out a breath as he slumped, realizing he'd lost.

"The decision has been made," Clarke said fiercely. "We fight."


	20. Where I'll Find Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is mostly just a chapter of fluffy fun, but it was fun to write and I hope you all enjoy it! I think I'm probably going to have this all wrapped up in the next 4-5 chapters, depending on if the muse cooperates, so hopefully not too much longer now. :) FYI, I've started a new series that I will be posting later tonight, for Teen Wolf/Sterek (it'll be up after the finale). My amazing friend got me hooked on the show and the writing bug bit me *hard*! So if you're a fan of the show and of Sterek, please come check it out! For those of you who aren't interested, don't worry, I'm still working on Phoenix Rising, I'm just dividing my time between this and the new series. :)

"So are you going to tell me what that was back there, with Bellamy?" Raven asked casually, after everyone except for Wick had been cleared from the house. Bellamy had left under protest, and Grant only after promising he'd be back later to check on Clarke.

Clarke busied herself with cleaning up the slight disorder left by Raven's "guests", unwilling to meet her friend's perceptive gaze. "What about with Bellamy?" she asked, attempting to sound indifferent.

Raven rolled her eyes. "Come off it, Clarke. You can't pretend with me, I know you too well. There was something going on between you two, something different than usual. You were doing too much talking with your eyes for there not to be."

"I take it you didn't notice we were arguing, as usual?" Clarke replied dryly. "Bellamy and I are always on opposite sides of whatever the topic at hand is."

"No, you always have differing opinions on the topic at hand," Raven countered. "At the end of the day, you're always on the same side." A soft smile appeared on Clarke's face when she recognized the truth of Raven's words. Raven snorted in feigned disgust. "You're getting to be kind of sickening, you realize that, right? You two can't hide it from anyone, let alone yourselves."

"He told me he's in love with me," Clarke blurted out, and Raven's eyes widened.

"Of course he is," she retorted. "But I can't believe he actually admitted it, out loud. So what's the deal with Onyx? Did he ditch the bitch?"

Clarke tried to hide a smirk at Raven's assessment, but when the brunette gave her a knowing smirk in return, she allowed it to creep onto her face. "Not yet," she admitted. "I think he plans on breaking up with her when she gets back, but we haven't actually talked about it. Too many things keep happening and interrupting us."

Raven glowered. "If he _doesn't_ break up with her, I'm going to break something of _his_ ," she muttered darkly. "He can't keep playing with you like this."

"Could we talk about something else?" Clarke asked with a sigh. "This isn't the best topic to calm me down."

"You want calm, go live in the woods again," Raven said bluntly. "As long as you have a paranoid whack job on your ass and an almost-boyfriend who keeps playing you like a fiddle, you're going to be living in upheaval."

Clarke made a rueful noise. "You have a point," she conceded. "But I still don't want to talk about Bellamy."

"So let's talk about Caspian. Or Grant. Or fuck, Jasper. What's up with that? You think he's for real? Would he really kill you?"

"If he was going to kill me, he wouldn't have told me about the assassination plot," Clarke answered thoughtfully. "I don't think he wants me dead. He was mad that Bellamy and I pulled that lever, but I can't see him hating me enough to kill me."

"No, that would be Monty," Raven pointed out. "Poor Monty. I think he held out hope that Jasper had gone off somewhere and made peace with what happened. Now he knows Jasper's as bitter and vengeful as ever."

"I don't think he is," Clarke mused. "He almost seemed like he _wanted_ to be happy, but he doesn't really know how."

Raven scoffed. "Isn't _that_ the theme of the day?"

Clarke gave her a pointed stare and Raven held her hands up in a "don't shoot" gesture, giving her wide, innocent eyes. "Moving on."

"Then tell me what's going on with Caspian and Grant. Can't you go anywhere without collecting a trail of men and women who follow you like kittens after fresh cream?"

"What do you know about kittens and cream?" Clarke asked in amusement, deflecting the question.

Raven rolled her eyes. "You read the same Earth language books I did, Clarke. They had all those stupid sayings in them. Like the fiddle thing. What the fuck do I know about playing a fiddle? Not shit. But I understand the metaphor. And you understand what I'm saying too, you just don't want to answer me."

Clarke flinched. "You're right, I don't. Somehow my life has gotten so complicated and I don't know what to do about it. There are too many people thinking they know what's best for me and for some reason I'm not able to tell them to back off."

"What the hell, Clarke? You're the queen of telling people to back the fuck off. You're a tough-ass woman who can handle her shit. So start handling it."

Clarke felt a grin spread across her face. She hadn't realized she'd needed Raven's particular brand of tough love, but the other woman was dead-on. "You're right. First things first, I need to tell Caspian it's time for him to stop playing his role. He achieved his goal, we got Bellamy's attention. And as much as he might think I need to go back to the Plainsmen with him, it's not going to happen. I'm choosing my people. It's time he understands that."

"And secondly, you need a girl's night," Raven added emphatically. "It's time to _un_ complicate your life, as much as you're capable of right now, anyway. Take some time for yourself, have some fun, de-stress a little bit. All this shit with Jaha and Bellamy and Caspian will be there tomorrow. Tonight, let's act like we're not constantly at war with _someone_."

"You know what? That is a fan-fucking-tastic idea," Clarke replied approvingly. "I'll go round up Octavia and Lyah, and you go get something to drink from Monty and your man."

"I should probably tell Kyle to find somewhere else to sleep tonight," Raven snickered. "I think the last thing he'll want to do is come home to a bunch of drunk-ass women who at that point will probably be talking total shit about the men in our lives."

Clarke took a second to appraise Raven, giving her a fond smile. "Thanks, Raven. You're a good friend."

"Don't go getting all sappy on me, Griffin. I don't need you drunk-girl sobbing into my hair and getting snot all over me." But Raven hugged her anyway and Clarke knew her friend understood, and felt the same.

lllll

"What the fuck, Clarke? This was supposed to be a girls' night in. Not that I don't like Grant and all, but what's he doing here?"

Clarke snickered a little at Raven's irritation. "He was with Octavia when I found her and he invited himself along. Octavia was all for it, and Lyah gave me a thumbs up, so here he is."

"When did he become your new bestie?" Raven grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. "When he realized he couldn't get in your pants and decided that if he couldn't be your boyfriend he'd be your best friend instead?"

Grant appeared from behind and threw an arm around both girls' shoulders. "Now now, Raven, jealousy doesn't become you," he scolded cheerfully. "Besides, I never aspired to be Clarke's boyfriend." He winked at Clarke. "She isn't my type."

"Speaking of which, how does Dax feel about you getting drunk with the girls tonight?" Clarke asked with a grin. "Is he jealous he didn't get to come along?"

Grant dropped his arms and pivoted to face them. "Please. Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I'm going to let him run my life. He don't own me." He gave an exaggerated wag of his index finger and Clarke burst into laughter.

"Don't you dare become a stereotype," she warned good-naturedly.

"Do post-apocalyptic gay men even _have_ a stereotype?" he wondered out loud.

Clarke caught sight of Raven's expression and smirked. The brunette's jaw had dropped and her eyes were darting back and forth comically from Clarke to Grant and back again. "You okay, Raven?"

"You're _gay_?" she sputtered. "How in the fuck did I miss that? I thought you were head over heels crazy about Clarke."

He shrugged. "I am. I'm just not in love with her."

Raven shook her head in disbelief. "This explains _so_ much."

Clarke and Grant laughed at her shock. "You really haven't noticed him and Dax making heart eyes at each other?" Clarke teased. "They're pretty gross about it, actually."

"I was preoccupied with you and _Bellamy_ making heart eyes at each other," Raven sniped. "Also, that whole thing with one of our long-lost friends showing up and announcing that not only is he an assassin, but that he's here to assassinate _you_. That kind of thing tends to make me unaware of what's going on with people who don't actually matter." She gave Grant a pointed look.

"You apparently have Raven's seal of approval," Clarke remarked to Grant. "She doesn't bother to insult people she doesn't like. She just ignores them."

"Yay?" Grant replied dryly, and Raven snorted.

"Yeah. You're okay."

"Are you three going to keep yapping at each other, or are you going to come over here and drink with us?" Octavia called from Raven's living room.

"Yeah," Lyah chimed in. "This moonshine is totally going to kick your ass. Miller got so drunk on it a couple nights ago I had to let him sleep outside because I couldn't haul his dumb ass inside."

"Oh, now _there's_ an incentive," Clarke scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Because I really want to get so drunk I pass out."

"You might not want to, but you need to," Octavia pronounced. She grinned mischievously. "Besides, if you get so bad we can't move you, we can always go find Bell and ask him to carry you home."

" _Or_ I could just crawl onto Raven's couch," Clarke reminded her. "It's not like I'm a stranger to it."

Lyah groaned. "You're right, she's stubborn as shit," she muttered to Octavia, and Raven laughed while Clarke glared.

"Lesson one, re: Clarke. 'Stubborn as shit' will be carved on her headstone," Raven sassed flippantly, and Clarke turned the glare on her. "Stop that, it makes you look constipated. Now drink this."

Clarke sighed, took the cup from Raven, and poured it down her throat. Grant and the girls cheered when she sputtered and coughed, but grinned sheepishly and held out her hand for a refill. Lyah poured out another round for all of them and they clinked their cups together.

"To a night of fun," Octavia said cheerfully.

"To a night of forgetting that my life is shit," Clarke added wryly.

"To a night of friendship," Grant chimed in, and Raven rolled her eyes.

"Why the fuck did you invite this guy again?" she grimaced, and Grant poked her in the side.

"Because I'm awesome and she knows it," he returned. "Now shut up and drink your 'shine."

lllll

"You fucking liar!"

Everyone roared at Clarke's total outrage. Raven was exuberantly stabbing a finger in her face, nearly close enough to take out an eye. "You fucking did too! You looked at me like you wanted to rip my guts out with your bare hands when you found out about me and Bellamy!"

"I didn't even know I liked him back then!" Clarke protested hotly, and Raven rolled her eyes.

"Shit, girl, you might not have known it, but it's sure as hell everyone else did. We _all_ saw it before you did. For fuck's sake, even Bellamy figured it out, and that boy's as dumb as river rocks when it comes to knowing what he wants. Case in point, the fact that he's still with Onyx."

Octavia nodded in agreement. "I love my brother. He's smart and sweet and protective and brave, and he works hard and would defend the people he loves with his life. But he's a dumbass when it comes to women. If he knew how he felt about you before you did, that makes you even worse."

"So I'm not perceptive," Clarke grumbled, and Grant snorted so hard he started to choke on his liquor. Clarke smacked him hard on the back, taking vindictive pleasure in his continued wheezing.

"That's like saying Gem isn't exactly the queen of warmth," Lyah snarked. "Understatement of the fucking century."

"Can we talk about anyone who _isn't_ me?" Clarke asked in exasperation. "You all have significant others. Lyah, tell us about Miller. Grant, tell us about Dax. _Someone_ talk about your normal, boring relationships."

"Oh, hell no." Grant turned to look at Octavia and Lyah with one eyebrow raised. "Did she really just call my relationship normal and boring?"

Clarke rolled her eyes as the other girls burst into laughter again. "You know what I mean. None of you are dealing with drama."

"That's what you think," Octavia snorted. "Lincoln is trying to talk me into having a baby."

The announcement had the effect of a bomb going off. There were screeches of shock and dismay, followed by Raven blurting out the obvious. "You're only seventeen fucking years old!" she protested. "You're the youngest of all of us and _we're_ all too young to be having kids, too!"

Octavia shrugged. "Grounders have kids young. They don't have the longest life expectancies, so they start popping out babies when they're in their late teens. If you've reached your mid-twenties without having a kid, you pretty much aren't going to have one. He's worried about taking too long to get started."

"Do you even _want_ kids?" Lyah asked practically. Octavia shrugged again.

"Being a mom wouldn't be the worst thing in the world," she said pragmatically. "Besides, Bellamy loves kids so I know he'd help out and keep me level. He'd be the best uncle."

The idea of Bellamy and kids freaked Clarke out, and all four faces turned to look at her in amusement when she _eep_ ed softly. "Now you're thinking about Bellamy having his own kids, aren't you?" Grant teased her, and she went white.

"Here, you need more alcohol," Raven insisted, pouring her another cup and shoving it in her face. Clarke drained it immediately, and the buzz spiked in her brain and she relaxed.

"Bellamy can have kids if he wants," she sighed. "But if they're going to be with me, it's going to be a long damn time from now." She winced when her friends stared at her stupidly. "Not that I want kids with Bellamy. Or with anyone else. I don't want kids. I would really suck with kids. Why don't we go find Caspian and tell him he can stop being a dick to Bellamy now?"

The abrupt change in topic had the intended effect. Raven and Grant scrambled to their feet, pulling Lyah and Octavia up with them. "Can I tell him?" Raven asked gleefully.

"You get a sick sense of pleasure out of the misfortune of others, don't you?" Grant asked, an amused grin lighting his face.

"Don't antagonize me or you'll be one of them," she shot back good-naturedly.

The five of them made their way out of the house and headed to Grant's place, where Dax and Caspian were spending the night since Caspian had lost his spot on Raven's couch. Raven started pounding on the door and Grant snickered. "You remember this is _my_ house, right?" he pointed out dryly. "I don't have to knock to go in."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Then open the damn door!" she groused. Shaking his head, Grant twisted the knob gently, not wanting to burst in and startle Dax and Caspian.

The two of them were sitting on the couch, and the way Dax's eyes shone when they swung their attention to the group and he saw Grant was unmistakable. Clarke was willing to privately admit that it hurt, seeing how happy her friend was and how much his partner adored him. She'd seen that look from Bellamy on more than one occasion, but instead of making her happy, it made her ache. There was still a huge obstacle between them and as much as she believed he wanted to remove it, until he actually did there was no telling what could and would go wrong.

"I'd say welcome, but I don't actually live here," Caspian drawled. "What are all of you doing here when you're supposed to be getting intoxicated at Raven's?"

"We interrupt this impromptu slumber party to drop some truth bombs on your ass," Raven replied cheerfully, and Caspian raised an eyebrow.

"A slumber party?" he echoed. "What, are you all twelve? Never mind, even our twelve year olds are too mature for slumber parties."

Lyah plopped down on the couch between him and Dax. "Then your twelve year olds are boring," she scoffed. "And definitely losing out."

Grant eased down onto the arm of the couch beside Dax, and nobody missed the way his hand curled over the other man's shoulder and squeezed gently. Clarke felt a similar squeeze around her own heart and she had to will herself not to look away.

"Really, though, you're having a _slumber party_?" Caspian persisted, appearing to ignore the casually intimate gesture between Grant and his friend. "Why? Why would you do that?"

"Because it was something we could do to exclude you," Raven snapped. "God, Caspian, you're an idiot."

The affronted look that bloomed on his face made Clarke giggle, and she seized the opportunity to forget about Grant, Dax, and even Bellamy for a minute. "It's a chance to have some mindless fun with my friends," she explained, intervening to avoid bloodshed. "Life's been kind of shitty lately. They wanted to get me drunk and have some girl time."

"But a slumber party?" The honest bafflement in his voice had her giggling again. "That's not a New Earth thing. That's a pre-apocalyptic wasteland teenage girl thing."

" _We're_ all teenage girls," Octavia countered, and Raven smirked.

"Not all of us," she clarified. "I'm twenty now, and Grant's not a girl. I don't think, anyway."

Dax scowled. "He's definitely not a girl," he protested, insulted. Grant patted his shoulder.

"It's okay, babe. This is Raven's way of being nice. You'll get used to it."

"Anyway, forget about the damn slumber party. We're here to give you a cease and desist notice," Raven interrupted.

Caspian stared at her. "What on New Earth are you talking about?"

"Clarke. The whole plot to drive Bellamy more insane than he normally is. He finally pulled his head out of his ass, so you can stop hanging all over Clarke like you're glued to her," she snapped.

Octavia's eyes went wide and she grinned gleefully. "Wait, he did? Why didn't you tell us?" she demanded of Clarke. "The last I knew, he was too damn chicken to take a chance on breaking up with Onyx and being honest with you."

"You're half right," Clarke sighed. "He told me he loved me."

The cacophony of cheering lanced straight through her brain and she winced, rubbing at her temples. They were all of a sudden pounding, and she chose to blame the moonshine instead of the millionth reminder of how her relationship with Bellamy was twisting her up. "He's still with Onyx, though."

The noise died down and everyone looked at her awkwardly. Grant was the first to recover. "That makes sense," he said cautiously. "Onyx has been gone for almost two weeks, from what I understand. He kind of _can't_ break up with her while she's not even here."

"So this guy you're crazy about is a cheater," Caspian said flatly, narrowing his eyes. "I truly don't understand your attraction to him, Clarke."

"Nobody asked you to. Butt out," Raven sniped.

Clarke gave him a sympathetic smile. It couldn't be easy, in his position. He was the outsider and he couldn't truly know the history of any of them, but especially not the emotional subtext of her relationship with Bellamy. "It's not something I think you ever _can_ understand," she replied honestly. "But it's there, and it isn't going to go away."

"What she means is, buh-bye," Raven added.

Caspian glared at her. "What was that you said a moment ago? Oh, right. Butt out."

Raven advanced on him menacingly. "You want to go, Ken doll? Unlike Bellamy, I'll knock every one of those improbably perfect teeth out of your thick fucking skull."

Before Caspian could shoot to his feet and respond in kind, Octavia intervened. "Look, I don't know you very well, but you seem like a good guy. You stepped in and took care of Clarke, you stayed to fight a battle that isn't yours, and we appreciate you being here and on our side. But whatever your deal is with Clarke and my brother, you have to let it go. It's a fight you can't win."

Clarke held her breath, releasing it slowly when Caspian nodded. "My part in this charade is over. But Clarke is still my friend, and we're not leaving until we know she's going to be safe from that crazed dictator you call your leader." He caught Clarke's gaze and his eyes bored into hers, backing up his resolute statement.

She shook her head. "We're not about to turn away any allies. We need all the help we can get."

He softened. "The Plainsmen will stand with you in this. As for the other, I wish you only the best, Clarke. I may not understand why this moron means so much to you, but I accept that he does and I hope he'll make you happy."

"Gag." Raven's blunt assessment broke the awkward tension in the room and there were a few snickers. "You realize there's no Best Supporting Actor award to be earned here, right? _No_ one is actually as magnanimous as you're being right now."

Caspian frowned at her. "At least the one upside to this is not having to deal with you anymore," he snorted.

Clarke grabbed her friend's arm before she could fly at him with fists and feet. "I really appreciate everything you've done, Caspian, and your people as well. You'll always have allies in us."

She caught a glimpse of disappointment shimmering in his eyes before he flashed her one of his patented charming smiles. "Anything for a lady in need," he said lightly, making a shooing motion with his hand. "Now go, resume your night of drunken fun. It might be the last one you have for awhile."

Octavia and Raven wasted no time in tugging her back out of the house, followed by Lyah. Grant caught up to them a few moments later, his hair mussed and his lips slightly swollen, and his eyes sparkled when he slung an arm around Clarke's shoulders. The sight of him made her sigh, wondering when it would finally be her turn to have that kind of happiness. "It's going to be okay," he promised her, noting the discontent in her eyes. "When Onyx gets back, Bellamy will be a free man. And as soon as we take Jaha down, all of this shit will be behind you."

Clarke glanced up at him, smiling gratefully. She would choose to believe her friend's optimistic vision of the future, because the alternative meant watching her life fall apart all around her. Again.


	21. Paved With Broken Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my muse abandoned me and I didn't write a word for months. I'm so incredibly sorry it took me this long to update, but I'm hoping there's enough good stuff here that you'll all forgive me. The good news is that I've decided I can wrap this up in the next 2-4 chapters, so you won't have to wait another year for it to be finished. To those of you still reading this, thank you so, so much for sticking with me. It means so very much. :)

“We need to round up everyone from the dropship days,” Bellamy said, raking a hand through his hair. He was pacing in Kane’s living room, staring at the floor while his mind raced to think of anyone and everyone he could find to stand with Clarke. “There are going to be some people who still side with Jaha because all they know him as is the benevolent leader who got them to the ground. But anyone who came down on the dropship will side with Clarke.”

Nicolai huffed. “Why do we not just kill this man and be done with it?” 

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “Because Clarke doesn’t want him to die and she has more people on her side than I do on mine,” he grumbled. “I’d slit his throat while he slept if she’d let me.”

“Bloodshed isn’t the answer,” Kane said quietly, and Bellamy glared at him. “Clarke’s already gone that route once. It nearly destroyed her. You can’t ask it of her again.”

“I wasn’t going to ask it of her,” he snapped. “I was just going to do it.”

Kane shook his head. “You know Clarke would never forgive you if you took a life on her behalf, especially against her wishes.”

“What am I supposed to _do_ then?” he yelled, reaching his breaking point.

“You could ask me for help,” Jasper said, and Bellamy whirled around to find his friend-turned-assassin leaning up against the door frame. “I returned in order to save Clarke’s life. Tell me to kill Jaha, and I will. She can’t blame you if I’m the one who does it.”

Bellamy stared at him. “You’d do that?”

Jasper shrugged. “I’ve killed a lot of people,” he said blandly, as if those lives were of no consequence. “Jaha would just be one more. I wouldn’t miss him. Would anyone?”

Bellamy and Jasper locked hard gazes, and finally Bellamy expelled a harsh breath. “Kane, I need you to talk to our people. Prepare them for battle. I don’t care what Clarke says, I want Jaha dead if it will mean she’s safe, but in case we fail… We need to be ready. All of us.”

Kane’s face expressed his disappointment in Bellamy’s decision, but he nodded and turned his attention to Nicolai and Andrei, who stood awaiting orders. Bellamy didn’t even wait to hear what Kane said, he just gestured at Jasper to follow him outside.

“What do you need to make this happen?” Bellamy asked grimly as the two fell into step together.

Jasper thought it over for a moment. “I can make it public or private, whatever you want, but it would be easier if it was private,” he said frankly. “I have my gun with me, but it’s meant for long-range, not short. I have knives too, although I’m more comfortable with the rifle.”

Bellamy winced, finally recognizing just what Maya’s death and the time since then had done to his former friend. “I agree with private,” he conceded. “This isn’t about starting a revolution, it’s about preventing Clarke’s death.“ Jasper nodded sharply and Bellamy paused, uncertain as to whether he should say anything or not. “I, uh, I never got a chance to say I was sorry for what went down in Mount Weather,” he finally muttered.

“Don’t.” Jasper’s voice was rough, exposing a hint of emotion that he’d been doing well at keeping under wraps since his return, with the notable exception of his blow-up at Monty. “I’ve made my peace with what happened.” He carefully avoided saying Maya’s name or mentioning her death, but the hardness in his eyes belied his statement.

“No, you haven’t,” Bellamy said bluntly as he came to an abrupt stop, and when Jasper’s eyes snapped, he held his hands up in a placating gesture. “I don’t blame you. What happened was horrific, it’s not something you can come to terms with so easily. It still haunts me. What’s more, it still haunts Clarke, no matter how hard she’s tried to make her own peace with it.”

The assassin’s skin turned white at the mention of Clarke’s name. “I almost didn’t come,” he said, his voice barely audible. “I considered letting Jaha kill her. But then I remembered how everyone wanted to kill me, when we first landed. When I was on the verge of death and everyone just wanted me to finally die so I’d shut up, and Clarke wouldn’t let them talk her into it. She fought for me. She’s the reason I’m still here. So no, I couldn’t let her die. But after this, we’re even.”

Bellamy studied him. “You think you’ll be able to hate her now, don’t you?”

He flinched. “I’ve wanted to hate her for almost two years. I’ve wanted to blame her. But I can’t. I won’t hate her when this is done, but I won’t miss her when I go back home, either.”

“I get it.” They silently resumed their trek back to Bellamy’s house; Jasper was staying in a tent in the woods behind it in order to keep out of sight. Bellamy had arranged to be the only guard assigned to the area so no one else would stumble over him, except for the people who already knew he was there. It only took a few minutes before they were skirting the edge of his yard to disappear into the thick trees in back. 

Bellamy stood by the flap to the tent, on high alert for any signs of the presence of intruders. Jasper was rummaging around inside, loading rounds into a rifle magazine and strapping a knife to his thigh. It was thoroughly disconcerting to see the once gangly, goofy, warm-hearted young man who was now as cold and calculating as any Grounder Bellamy had ever seen, and he wondered if there was any chance at getting Jasper back to at least a close approximation of the person he had once been. When he emerged with a blank look on his face and the gun comfortably thrown over his shoulder, Bellamy realized it was very unlikely.

“Show me where Jaha spends his time,” Jasper instructed, his eyes darting around to take in any potential vantage points, any areas with likely camouflage opportunities. Bellamy knew it was time to forget what had turned Jasper into the killer he was now and focus on protecting Clarke. Which he would do no matter the cost, even if it destroyed him. Even if it robbed him of her trust, and her love. It didn’t matter. Jaha couldn’t be allowed to continue to live, as long as he was a threat to her.

lllll

Bellamy was in the worst possible mood he could be when he strode into his own house an hour later to find Onyx reclined on his couch. He stared at her uncomprehendingly for a moment before uttering “fuck” with as much irritation in his voice as he was feeling.

Onyx smirked. “I’m so happy to see you, too,” she cooed sarcastically.

He groaned, collapsing into the chair across from her. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he began, but she waved him off.

“Don’t insult me. You don’t want me to be here any more than I want to be here,” she countered, and he stared at her, resigned. He wasn’t ready for this conversation, not now, but it didn’t seem like he had a choice. She’d picked the time and place, and she was going to force the issue.

“When did you get back?” he asked instead, knowing he was only delaying the inevitable.

She cocked her head, eyeing him shrewdly. “Last night.” She waited for a beat to see if he would acknowledge that she’d been home almost a whole day without making an attempt to see him. He continued to stare at her, saying nothing. “It was late, so I went straight to the mansion and stayed there. Gem needed my report this morning, and then we spent some time strategizing. When we got done, you were already gone for the day.”

“Onyx, you don’t need to explain to me why we’re just now seeing each other,” he sighed.

She laughed mirthlessly. “I don’t, do I? Because you don’t care.”

“Of course I care,” he started to object, but her indelicate snort stopped him.

“You called me Onyx,” she pointed out, and he blinked at her, baffled.

“Because that’s your name?” Bellamy countered in confusion.

She sighed. “You haven’t called me Onyx since before we got together,” she reminded him, the tension easing from her face until she just appeared sad and worn out. “Nyx was your name for me from the start of our relationship. Now you’re back to calling me Onyx and you don’t even realize it.”

He exhaled wearily as he sank back into the chair. “Why don’t you just say what you came here to say?”

“Why? So you can continue to be a coward?” she spat at him, and his eyebrows pulled together in annoyance. “I want to hear _you_ say it.”

“Say _what_?” he shouted, unable and willing to deal with her games for another minute. They’d spent the months leading up to Clarke’s return very happy, relaxed and easy-going, so this was a side of her he had yet to see. It wasn’t that he blamed her, exactly, but he was beginning to understand that she was unpleasant and vindictive when things didn’t go as she wanted them to. He felt both guilt and relief that she wasn’t making this harder on him, beyond their current little dance around the issue.

Onyx bolted upright on the couch, her eyes spitting fire as she glared at him. “I want to hear you say you didn’t miss me at all!” she yelled.

“I didn’t!” he yelled right back, and she fell backward, stunned. He swore under his breath, not having meant to be so blunt, but damn it, she’d gotten exactly what she was asking for. “There, are you happy now? You wanted to hear me say it, and I said it.”

“I can’t believe this,” she hissed. “After all the time I put into our relationship, all the faith I had in you when Clarke showed up, and you really just didn’t give a damn.”

“Why are you pushing this?” he asked in frustration. “When you left, we were planning to talk things out when you got back. Except then I came home to an offensive attack as soon as I walked in the fucking door!”

She glared malevolently at him. “Because I spent a lot of time today listening to people talk about Clarke’s return home and how you reacted to that Caspian guy. I heard how you punched him and got into a knock-down, drag-out fight with him, all because he was paying too much attention to your perfect princess,” she sneered.

He flinched at the accuracy of the words she was hurling at him. “People can’t keep their damn mouths shut,” he muttered, and she made a face at him.

“Don’t blame the gossips,” she snapped. “This was all your fault. Do you know how humiliated I was when I realized everybody but me knew you were going to choose Clarke? That people are taking _bets_ on when you’re going to break up with me?”

Bellamy sighed, rubbing a hand over his face in exhaustion and frustration. “I didn’t even know myself until the night before you left. It was too late to say anything, so I decided to talk to you when you got home. I wasn’t stringing you along.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me before I left?” she demanded. “Why would you let me spend a week and a half thinking maybe we’d be able to work it out, when you _knew_ we were over?”

“Because I didn’t want you to leave on such a bad note!” he retorted. “I didn’t think you deserved that.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “There’s a lot I didn’t deserve, Bellamy. But what I _really_ didn’t deserve was being played and manipulated.”

He shook his head, scowling. “If you think that’s what I did, then you didn’t know me at all.”

Onyx shot to her feet in fury. “I’m realizing that now. Goodbye, Bellamy.” She stomped out of his house and he breathed a sigh of relief. It hadn’t gone well by any means, but it was over. 

Pulling himself out of the chair, he ambled into the kitchen to make himself dinner. Despite the anger and the tension that still lingered in the air there was a lightness of spirit that was consuming him, a peace that settled over him when he realized he was free. A smile split his face as he imagined the next time he would see Clarke.

It collapsed as soon as he remembered he was planning to thwart her wishes for how the Jaha situation was handled, but all he could hope was that she understood how he couldn’t just stand back and give Jaha the opportunity to take her out first. She had to forgive him. There was just no other alternative.

llll

It was long after dark when he rejoined Jasper on the edge of the woods. They’d decided to scout out Jaha’s office, which was on the back side of the mansion, and see if they could take him out while he was alone. Bellamy honestly didn’t hold out much hope; Jaha was paranoid in more ways than one, and he wouldn’t make himself an easy target. Still, there was always the chance that he’d get cocky, thinking his Clarke problem was about to be resolved.

Jasper flicked a glance up at him before resuming his careful watch of the brightly-lit square of window, through which Bellamy could see Gem and Jaha in deep discussion. Both were gesturing, not wildly, but with economic movements. He snorted. Even in arguments they were reserved.

He sank down onto the ground beside Jasper, unsurprised when the other man remained silent and watchful. They sat quietly for some time, each of them lost in their own thoughts. At least Bellamy assumed Jasper was thinking about _something_ , although if he was honest, he would believe that Jasper had the ability to turn his brain off as easily as he seemed to have disconnected from his humanity.

Bellamy wasn’t sure how long they’d been sitting there in the stillness of the night, although he figured it had to be approaching midnight, when Jasper finally spoke. “You really love her, don’t you?”

The sudden break in the quiet startled him, and he had to collect his thoughts before replying. He considered playing it off for a moment but he realized immediately that it wouldn’t do any good. “I always have,” he said instead, going for brutal honesty. “Even before she left.”

Jasper nodded. “You killed for her. You did it then, and you’re doing it now.”

“I killed before her. Or tried to, anyway.”

He shook his head. “This is different. This isn’t about survival, or Octavia. You wouldn’t kill for anyone else.”

Bellamy smirked. “When did you get into the soul-searching deal?”

“When I had to look inside myself and understand that I had to be willing to pull the trigger every time,” he replied simply, and Bellamy flinched.

“Seriously, how did you end up like this?” he asked after another moment of pensive silence. “What made you want to be this person? It can’t just be because of what happened at Mount Weather.”

Jasper didn’t answer for so long that Bellamy assumed their conversation was over and he resumed keeping an eye out on Jaha. Seriously, was Gem a damn vampire or something? She never seemed to sleep. He was starting to believe that Jaha would leave first, which would piss him off for having to waste several hours of his night.

“I could say that it was Maya, but I’d be lying,” Jasper said suddenly, and Bellamy looked at him in confusion for a moment before realizing he was finally getting his question answered. Sort of. “The truth of it was, I was tired of being weak. I was tired of being the goofball, the joke. Maya was an excuse to leave, but I didn’t lose my humanity because she died, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I’m not really thinking anything,” he responded, and the beginnings of a smile curled Jasper’s lips. Bellamy was pleased to see that his former friend could actually still smile at all. There might still be hope to bring him back to himself.

They both snapped to high alert when Gem suddenly stood, and Bellamy held his breath when Jaha rose as well. Jasper slowly lifted the military-grade rifle to his shoulder and waited, the good humor fading from his eyes as cold calculation took over. They waited tensely, and when Gem began to move for the door, Bellamy released a slow breath. This was it. Jaha was going down, never to be a threat to Clarke again.

And then he moved out of range, away from the window somewhere to the left side of the room. Bellamy clenched his fists in frustration when Gem exited the office, pulling the door shut behind her, and Jaha didn’t reappear. He struggled to remember what was on that side of the office, anything that would draw Jaha’s attention and the likelihood of whether it would keep him preoccupied for a long stretch of time.

Jasper relaxed, drawing his eye back from the scope while still keeping the rifle propped on his shoulder. The tension of the moment dissipated and Bellamy nodded toward the gun with his chin. “So where’d you learn to shoot that thing?” he asked. “You said your leader assigned you to be an assassin when you first joined your new clan, right? How did you get that assignment?”

“Hal was looking for a protégé for Gideon, our shooter. Guns aren’t a big thing in my clan so no one had really been curious enough to learn how to use one. When I said I was getting decent, Hal jumped on the opportunity.”

Bellamy was trying to place the leader, but he was coming up blank. He’d learned a lot about neighboring clans when he and Clarke were preparing for their first expedition, although no one named Hal. “I don’t know him,” he finally admitted.

Jasper shrugged. “Most people outside the clan wouldn’t,” he acknowledged. “And if they did, they’d know him as Hammond. That’s his first name, he just goes by Hal because those are his initials.”

“What did you say?” Bellamy asked sharply. There was something familiar about the name, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Jasper looked at him strangely. “My leader’s name is Hammond Locke. Why? Does that mean something to you?”

Bellamy’s mind raced as he tried to figure out what had grabbed his attention, but it continued to elude him. “What clan did you say you were with?”

Furrowing his brow, Jasper slowly replied, “I didn’t. Does that really matter?”

“It might,” Bellamy said urgently. “Jasper. What’s the name of your clan?”

At that moment Jaha came back into view and Jasper hoisted the rifle back up, peering through the scope as he gauged the distance and Jaha’s placement within the window frame. The ex-Chancellor just needed to take another step to the right and he’d be in the direct line of fire. 

After a beat while he waited for that next step, he finally answered Bellamy’s question. “I’m with the River Lords.”

The puzzle pieces fell into place and Bellamy went white. “Stand down, Jasper, _now_!” he hissed frantically, and Jasper lowered the rifle and turned to look at him in shock. “Jaha isn’t the one trying to kill Clarke.” His face darkened grimly. “Gem is.”


End file.
